My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1869: Chapter 1663: For Now

Zihan, do you know? I always choose to hold on to past memories and never let go, always believing that if I keep waiting, you will come back.

Old Master Zhang doesn’t know the immense psychological pressure his actions have brought to his son. His son has never experienced this kind of pressure and just wants to live his own life easily without interference from anyone, but he simply can’t.

As a father, he constantly thinks deep down about how to make his child happy, to live the joyful life everyone desires, not to endure hardships repeatedly and end up with nothing. He cannot accept such a fate, but this fate seems to be the destined conclusion of his life. Time and again, he can’t escape it or erase it, only to let fate slaughter it repeatedly. He has manipulated everything, but ultimately finds it all to be nothing but passing clouds.

No matter how much effort he ever put in, in the end, it all disappeared. What he wanted was never realized. He takes step after step on a path that no one thinks highly of, but he never considers giving up. He believes that as long as he can live the life he wants happily, then even if his life is full of regrets, he is willing to endure all the pain.

”Could it be that as a father, all my demands on you were too much? Or have my actions made you feel so aware of yourself that you are no longer willing to take a single step on the path I’ve set for you? What do I count for in the depths of your hearts? Time and again I infuse my life philosophies into your minds, wanting you to know that no matter what you do, regardless of the outcome, we will stay by your side and never abandon you this lifetime.

I am also a living person, committing countless mistakes. Not everyone would forgive me, but I have no regrets. Those mistakes rendered me unable to make choices this lifetime, yet I would still do the same. Even if time started anew, I wouldn’t change any past decisions. Those decisions give me a different life, leading me step by step on a new path to a new era.

Child, as a father, I would never hurt my child, even if the child caused me great pain. Deep in his heart, he sees his child as the most precious person. Why don’t you understand this? You once hurt me, making me that way, but I never blamed you. Because I know every decision I made must be proven right, I couldn’t let you suffer with me. Even if you were to wander the world, I still gave you freedom. I once said that I wouldn’t let you return to this home. As soon as you left, you were no longer my son. But when you returned, I painfully kept you out. Do you know how much it hurt deep inside then?

You know I have a sharp tongue and a soft heart. I’m tough in words, but when acting, I’m very compassionate. No one genuinely understands the pain deep inside me. Again and again, all hopes were pinned on me. All the faults were mine to bear alone. I don’t blame any of you. Who made this result the path I chose?”

”Zhentian, in fact, what your father said isn’t wrong. You know better than anyone what’s in the depth of your heart these years. But I still hope you think it through. No matter who is right or wrong, we should face everything optimistically. We shouldn’t impose all pain on others. Dad is innocent, our son is innocent, all our relatives are innocent. But our actions cause them pain and yet no punishment matches our acts. Time changes everything and reality is always cruel. We must adapt again and again, see it as something beautiful, and thereby walk a different life path.

I have lived too many years in pain and hatred; I don’t want the rest of my life to continue this way. It’s not just a mental torture for me, it’s also a physical torment, I can’t bear it. When I close my eyes, I see bloody bodies before me, ones I harmed. Do you know how scared I am when they come seeking retribution? I’m so scared I shake under the covers, but I dare not tell you, fearing you’d see it as my deserved end from being wicked.

I have painfully lived alone for a long, long time, treating everything as the most important in life, focused on happiness. I never thought I’d be hurt again and again. Do you understand the excitement each time I walk the path of life, treating everything as my family?

All these years, we’ve depended on each other as if parting would never occur, but separation isn’t necessarily a bad thing for everyone. We must try facing challenges we haven’t faced before on our own. If we remain together, how would we face these challenges? I don’t want that outcome and hope you understand my heartfelt intentions. Don’t trouble Father further, nor let our son be disappointed. They never said they’d drive us away from this home. Everything is my fanciful notion. But why do you follow in my footsteps, knowing it’s a wrong decision yet still being resolute? Although I’m not the one hurt, it deeply saddens our loved ones because of our actions. How heartbroken must they be inside!”

Our child is nearly grown, when will you return? Have you forgotten? You still have me, our child, and a family that awaits your return to be complete.