My Alleged Husband

Chapter 472: Chapter 451 Strong Demand_1

”Actually, living like this really has no meaning,” Zhentian said. ”Doing this won’t make my heart love you as before. The love I had for you was lost the day you gave up on me. You threw it away yourself. So why bother telling me now that you’re regretful? Do you think by forcibly keeping me by your side, you will be happy? Do you think I will be happy staying with you? If you have even the slightest bit of love for me, then I hope you would consider my feelings and not force me to stay with you. That would be a torment for me. I feel there is no love left between us—a marriage without love cannot be happy. You know that. By keeping me by force, not only will you not be happy, but we will both be scarred.”

”I don’t care about those things. Even if I force you to stay by my side, and we can never be as happy as we were before, as long as you are by my side, I’m already content. I won’t be so greedy as to ask you to love me like you used to. I just want to keep you by my side, so that you can never leave me—that’s enough.”

Xia Jing had not expected Zhang Zhentian to be as selfish as before, to the point of keeping her by his side even if it meant they would both end up hurt. What was the point of such a marriage? Could such a marriage have any happiness left? If there was no happiness for either of them, why stay together? Wouldn’t that just lead to more scars for both?

”You really don’t need to do this. It will hurt me, and it will hurt you too. You could easily find someone else to spend the rest of your life with. That way, you’d both be happy, your family wouldn’t be sad about you being single, and I could find the life that I want, without having you hounding me every day. Don’t you understand? If you just took this step, it would be a huge benefit for us both. Can’t you make a sacrifice for the sake of those you care about?” Xia Jing really did not understand what her so-called husband was thinking. Why was he so stubbornly self-willed? Didn’t he know that acting like this would hurt everyone?

Zhang Zhentian was now not in the least bit inclined to listen to anything his wife said to him. All he wanted was to keep his wife by his side. To him, that was the greatest benefit. In his lifetime, he had no other extravagant hopes, his only wish was for his wife to always be with him, never to part. But could it be that this was too much to ask for? After repeatedly doing so much, why should these people choose to forgive him for every mistake he once made?

”You don’t need to say these things to me now because I simply can’t believe anything you say. You’ve deceived me many times, and you might deceive me again this time. I just hope to keep you by my side. Does that make you feel troubled, or does it satisfy you? Am I wrong to want to do this? Is it so selfish to wish for the person I love to be with me for a lifetime? I know I used to be very selfish, never believing in my love, nor daring to believe if someone truly loved me. But I gradually realized that if I do not change, the person I love will only drift further away from me. Now I’ve proved it, because I cannot change my cowardly, fearful, selfish nature, and this led to you leaving me. And now you don’t want to be by my side for the rest of your life. Perhaps this is my punishment. You think I became selfish, but did any of you ever consider why I ended up where I am today? It was all to be with you. Did I really make it so difficult to be with me that you are dissatisfied, to the point that you all want to flee from me, not wishing to be with me? What did I do wrong? How should you treat me? I confess I have made too many unforgivable mistakes in the past, and I have taken responsibility for them. Every day of these many years, I’ve lived in regret and frustration. I’m tormented because I can’t forgive myself for the wrongs I’ve done; my life is wracked with guilt. I know your hearts are struggling and in pain too. Aren’t we both in pain? Wouldn’t living together be more suitable? Then we could understand each other’s suffering. We have missed out on so much already, I don’t want to miss another day of life with you, because missing any day with you feels like a death sentence to my heart...”

”What you’re saying to me now really just makes me feel disgusted,” Xia Jing replied. ”You once said the exact same things, yet in the end you abandoned me heartlessly. Did you think then that you would regret it one day? If you had known you’d regret it, would you have still abandoned me? I will never forget the mistake that happened between us, and the wonderful child we had together—that is the happiest thing in my heart, something no one can understand. That feeling of being a mother is my greatest pride. He is so exceptional, and having been cruelly abandoned by his mother for so many years, he has every right to hate me. I can’t forgive myself, I don’t know just how many mistakes I’ve made, because every time I try to verify the mistakes I’ve committed, it horrifies me. I can’t even explain the errors I’ve made myself. I know I can never live with my son again in this lifetime. I’ve hurt them, I’ve wronged so many people, so why should I live with them? Why should they forgive me over and over again?”

Zhang Zhentian had not expected his wife to have moments of such self-reproach, and he was at a loss for how to comfort her. In that moment, he realized he was forever useless, as he couldn’t even bring happiness to his wife.