My Alleged Husband

Chapter 471: Chapter 450 It’s Really Unintentional_1

”I never thought that way, can you please not think like that? I really didn’t expect my dad to kick you out the door. I thought they wouldn’t kick you out, just be cruel to me, their son, but I didn’t see how heartless and ruthless he would be to you, too. Can you forgive me? Let’s not bring up past mistakes anymore. Let’s reconcile and live the life we want, happily ever after. Can we stop dwelling on the past and causing each other so much pain and anxiety?”

Although Xia Jing’s heart truly wished to be with Zhang Zhentian, she couldn’t do it like before. She felt that she no longer had any love left in her heart for him, and now felt unfit to be with him. While the time spent with him had brought joy and happiness, it had also led to so much hurt. Why should she suffer so much for a man, and still end up living silently at his side after all the hurt?

”It’s too late now, it’s all too late,” Xia Jing said. ”The decision is made, and there’s no turning back in this lifetime. Since we chose to break up back then, let’s not beg each other now because it’s useless. We should just live the happy lives we wish for ourselves, right? Actually, when I think about it, being apart for so many years has its advantages. I don’t know how you’ve been over these years, and I don’t want to ask. Because saying whether it’s been good or bad is just pretense. If we say it’s good, it’s to reassure each other; if it’s bad, it’s to soften each other’s hearts. But whether it’s good or bad, I won’t care about you anymore. Our care for each other should end here. You haven’t disturbed me these years, and you should know that I’ve actually been quite happy. I’ve traveled to many places, never staying in one for too long. I feel like my life still has many unfulfilled regrets and many wishes to keep me going. This is what gives me the courage to keep living. I hope you can find your goal, too, and live bravely. Don’t get hurt because of me time and time again. Actually, when we’re not together, we can both calmly think about what we really want, why we are doing this, and why our feelings for each other turned out this way. We loved each other so much once, only to end up hurting each other...”

”I didn’t mean to do those things to you, I really didn’t know it would come to this, I didn’t know my dad would be so cruel. But you’ve punished me for years for every single thing I’ve done. My longing for you has been so intense. How I wished you could have been by my side, but you haven’t appeared for even a moment. You haven’t called me once today, I know you’re angry with me, that you’re punishing me. But surely the punishment should be enough by now? After so long, why do you still want to punish me and make me so sad? Do I really deserve to suffer like this over and over again? Do you know? In the time since we’ve been apart, my heart has been in so much pain. I don’t want to continue being apart from you anymore. I just want to win you back, to cherish and care for you in the next life. I want to take good care of you, treat you as my wife, the most important person to me, to accompany you. But the words you said to me today, are you completely destroying my hope? I won’t give up like this. I really didn’t mean to treat you that way. I just wanted you to stay by my side. But has it all become too difficult? Yet I really won’t give up so easily. As long as there’s a glimmer of hope, I’ll give it my all, fight to keep you by my side. I want to make you willing to stay in my world and never want to leave me again. Deep down, we both know you still love me, and my heart still has you. Why should we end like this when we could have a happy life? Why end with separation?”

”Can’t we part on good terms? I will never forget those words you said to me, the promises, the lies. How you deliberately let me take the blame, I won’t forget a single thing. I will keep them all clearly in my mind, remember the expression on your face when you said them. I’ll recall them when I’m old, to reminisce over and over again, from the first moment I saw you until we parted. I’ll always remember how the man I once loved treated me step by step, so calculatingly.”

”I really didn’t do it on purpose, why don’t you believe me after I’ve explained so many times? I keep saying it wasn’t intentional, I really didn’t know it would turn out this way. If I had known, I wouldn’t have done it. Can’t you forgive me just once? Is it really that hard to forgive me once? You seem so eager to leave me, but I definitely won’t let it happen as you wish. The more you want to leave, the more I’ll make you stay by force. I don’t ask for anything more, just having you by my side is enough for me. Why should I care about all these details, making you willing to stay? It seems impossible now, so it looks like I’ll have to take matters into my own hands!”

”Do you think that for every mistake you make, just saying it wasn’t intentional should make me forgive you? You repeat these words, keep making mistakes; did I not forgive you time and time again? And yet you kept on making them. Should I keep forgiving you every time? In your eyes, am I just someone who should unconditionally forgive your faults, whatever they may be? Don’t you think you should reflect on what you did wrong? To keep on doing this, what do you think it means? No matter what you think, I definitely can’t continue living with you!”

”Fine, then I’ll tell you this: no matter what, I’ll absolutely not let you leave me, not in this whole lifetime...”