The Fantastic Little Farmer

Chapter 160: Chapter 160: Telling Awkward Jokes Again

It felt so soft! And it was beating so wildly!

For a full minute, Zhang Yun felt his own heart pounding so violently he could hardly take it. He hurried to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water.

He told himself he couldn’t do this! It was taking advantage of her vulnerability.

Then again, why not go for it? He would just be helping her relieve her pain and find some happiness.

These two conflicting ideas left Zhang Yun deeply torn. His firsthand experience just moments ago had almost made him lose all self-control. He couldn’t think of anything else; this was his last shred of restraint.

He took a deep breath to calm down. It wasn’t a big deal. Form is emptiness, emptiness is form...

”Are you done in there?”

Hearing the voice from outside, Zhang Yun jumped in fright. She wasn’t coming in to help, was she?

He hurried out, deliberately showing off that his clothes were perfectly neat. Shooting Yang Xiaoyun a somewhat aggrieved look, he lay down on the other bed.

”I just went in to wash my face and calm down. It’s not what you’re imagining,” he said.

Yang Xiaoyun covered her mouth and giggled. ”I was just asking if you were done washing your face. What did you think I was imagining?”

Zhang Yun was speechless.

”Didn’t you want to look? I let you look, but you didn’t, and I even had to grab your hand. Are you just all talk? Or is it only exciting when you’re sneaking a peek?”

”Cough, cough...” Zhang Yun blushed furiously. ”Sister Xiaoyun, that was purely instinctual appreciation. It was a yearning for beauty, a nostalgia for infancy. Really, anything else... and I might make a mistake.”

”Pfft! You had my permission, and you’re not a middle schooler anymore. How would that be a mistake? Actually, since I’m the one who invited you, refusing me is the real mistake!”

From the corner of his eye, Zhang Yun noticed that Yang Xiaoyun had turned to face him. He didn’t dare turn around to look closer—what if she threw off the covers?

”Let’s not talk about this anymore. Aren’t you tired? Why don’t you get some sleep?” he asked.

Yang Xiaoyun fell silent for a moment before saying faintly, ”I can’t sleep. The moment things get quiet, my mind becomes a mess.”

Zhang Yun suddenly understood. All of Yang Xiaoyun’s actions just now perhaps weren’t entirely about venting or revenge; it was a way for her to cope. She didn’t necessarily want to sleep with him. Instead, by teasing him, she was trying to soothe herself and forget her troubles.

Sometimes, life could be so suffocating that a person had to use something else to distract themselves. Exercise, video games, and sweets were all common methods.

”Sister Xiaoyun, let me tell you a story. If you listen to it while you fall asleep, your mind won’t be such a mess,” he offered.

”Mm, alright,” Yang Xiaoyun agreed.

”Once upon a time, there was a eunuch...”

It wasn’t that Zhang Yun only knew these two stale jokes. It was just that when he told it to Ouyang Mingruo the night before, it was so incredibly lame that it caused her bodyguards to slam on the brakes in shock. This made him realize that when a terrible joke was lame enough, it could actually make people laugh from sheer awkwardness.

”I stopped talking, so now you’re supposed to ask, ’What came next?’ And then I answer, ’There’s nothing left down there.’”

Yang Xiaoyun was speechless.

”Hahaha! Was it super lame?” Zhang Yun asked.

Yang Xiaoyun replied with a deadpan expression, ”Given your performance just now, it really does seem like... there’s nothing left down there.”

”Hey! I kindly tell you a joke, and you call me a eunuch...”

”Prove me wrong then!”

”Haha, I don’t need to prove anything.”

”Tch! Tell a genuinely funny story, or I’m coming over to verify it myself!” Yang Xiaoyun made a motion as if to lift the covers.

Zhang Yun gave a dry cough and quickly racked his brain. A funny story? Did she mean THAT kind of funny story?

”A farmer spent a lot of money on a flock of hens, hoping to make a living by selling eggs. To his surprise, the hens were all listless and refused to lay any. Anxious, he went to consult an expert. After understanding the situation, the expert told him, ’Chickens are animals too, and they have physiological needs. You should go buy a batch of roosters.’

”But the farmer didn’t have enough money, so he could only afford a single rooster. Faced with hundreds of sex-starved hens, the rooster found that the spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. He collapsed from exhaustion after just a few rounds.

”The farmer racked his brain and finally fed the rooster a Viagra pill he had been saving for a long time. Sure enough, the rooster became like an unstoppable force, satisfying all the hens in a single day. After being nourished by love, the hens started laying eggs much more diligently.”

Hearing this, Yang Xiaoyun couldn’t help but interrupt. ”Do you need a pill too? You’re so young, it shouldn’t be that bad, right?”

Knowing she was just goading him, Zhang Yun ignored her teasing and continued the joke. ”But to the farmer’s surprise, the rooster was still unsatisfied the next day. Still exceptionally fierce, he jumped over the wall into the neighboring farm’s duck pen and satisfied hundreds of ducks.

”On the third day, the rooster was still invincible. He flew across the creek to the goose farm across the way and satisfied hundreds of geese.”

Yang Xiaoyun clicked her tongue with a laugh. ”Zhang Yun, take notes!”

”Finally... on the fourth day, as soon as the farmer walked out the door, he saw the rooster lying on the ground, on the verge of death. A few eagles were circling in the sky, ready to swoop down and eat him. The farmer’s eyes turned red, and he prepared to collect the poor guy’s corpse. Walking up to the rooster, he sighed, ’I’m the one who ruined you!’”

Yang Xiaoyun continued her bold teasing. ”Is this what they call dying of exhaustion? Or dying of an exhausted rooster?”

Zhang Yun pressed on, ”Unexpectedly, the rooster whispered, ’Shh, don’t come any closer! I’m waiting for those eagles to come down so I can do them too!’”

Yang Xiaoyun rolled her eyes. After all that buildup, THAT was the punchline?

”This rooster can handle hens, ducks, geese, and eagles. What about your rooster?” she quipped.

Zhang Yun couldn’t help but cover his face and burst out laughing. ”Sister Xiaoyun, you’re going to kill me... Keep this up and I’m really not going to hold back anymore!”

”Bring it on!”

Zhang Yun abruptly stood up. Yang Xiaoyun looked at him in surprise; she hadn’t expected that after teasing him for so long, he was actually going to step up to the plate.

”Um... could you go buy a condom?” she asked.

Zhang Yun nodded solemnly. ”One won’t be enough, right? I’m young and full of stamina. I’ll just buy a few boxes. Rest up for a bit!”

Huh? A few boxes? Yang Xiaoyun was dumbfounded. Did he have to exaggerate so much? Virgins really loved to brag! Let alone a few boxes, could he even finish a three-pack?

Before she could say another word, Zhang Yun had already grabbed the room card and left!

Once the room quieted down, it was Yang Xiaoyun’s turn to be nervous. The reason she had been able to act so wildly just now was largely because she was certain Zhang Yun wouldn’t dare do anything. Now that the young man was actually preparing his armor to charge into battle, she wasn’t so sure if she could go through with it.

Zhang Yun, of course, hadn’t gone out to buy condoms. He simply hadn’t eaten breakfast and figured Yang Xiaoyun probably hadn’t either. He planned to grab some takeout and bring it back; having some food would likely settle her nerves.

As he rode the elevator down, he finally had a moment to check WeChat. Because he had closed the app and muted his phone, he hadn’t been disturbed at all. Listening to Ouyang Mingruo’s voice messages one by one, he could practically picture the shifting emotions on her face as she stood on the street.

What surprised Zhang Yun the most was that Ouyang Mingruo had actually gone to confront the girl!

That was completely out of character for someone of her status. She had essentially thrown away her pride just to uncover the truth behind what he hadn’t explained.

This made Zhang Yun sigh inwardly. Naturally, he was touched. But the fact that she needed to verify things with a third party before believing he wasn’t that kind of person proved that her underlying trust in him just wasn’t enough.

She had only managed to do this because she had seen the girl in person and was able to stop her. What if she had just seen something on his phone? How would she confront anyone or explain it then?

Many marriages fell apart simply because of a glance at a phone, an unwillingness to trust, and a refusal to believe explanations. Of course, in many cases, there really was something going on.

This made Zhang Yun decide to just let her be. He wasn’t going to rush back simply because she had found out the truth.

However, her final message immediately put him on high alert!