My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1945: Chapter 1739: Oath

Wasn’t everyone at the start yearning for every promise they once made, and who truly kept every word they said?

When Old Master Zhang heard Xia Jing speak like this, he had no way to describe what his daughter-in-law might be like. He only knew that she had completely lost her senses, and no matter what anyone said, she couldn’t listen.

”Child, I know, now no matter what I say, you can’t hear it. But I hope you understand, everyone has their own responsibilities. The greater the responsibility, the more burdens one carries. Don’t you know what you should do now? Do you think he would be happy to see you living so despondently? Maybe you don’t know that no one wants to see you so miserable. We are your loving family, even if you lost everything, you still have us!”

”Since the day I lost her, I have already lost the entire world. What does it matter if I have you? What you bring me is never what she brought me. No matter how I force a smile with you, my heart is always longing for her. Longing is the pain that breathes; I am repeatedly gasping for breath in agony.

In truth, I’m not a saint. I only wish to live happily, and I want to provide a happy and stable life for those who love me. But I truly have no way to understand. I know I’ve made many mistakes in the past, I’ve suffered countless blows my entire life, and I know I can never make up for it all in this lifetime. How can I mend a heart that’s been hurt? I’ve hurt the person who loved me most. I can never forgive myself in this lifetime!

Each of you has experienced this pain, why can’t you empathize with my current feelings? How desperate I am, how resentful I am. If it weren’t for my excessive actions back then, how could he have left me? The endless regret leaves me with no way to forgive myself. I moan in pain, knowing this life of mine can only be like this, barely surviving in this world, not for anything else, but for the hope that one day, in the vast sea of people, I might meet her again. Even if by that day he has married and had children, as long as I can catch a distant glimpse of him, as long as I see him happy, I can lose everything. I’ve truly realized my mistakes, but I don’t know how to make everything beautiful like it was before. Losing her, I lost the entire world. Reflecting on the pain I caused her, I am less than a beast...”

”Mom, I hope we never bring up this matter again in the future. Since we have chosen this life, we should accept it rather than reminiscing about the past. Do you know how sad Father would be if he knew about this? He could abandon me, his son, and Grandpa for you. He could forsake the entire family; he could let the family’s century-old reputation be remembered, but only to be with you. Would you really turn a blind eye to his sacrifices? I believe you’re not someone with a heart of stone, and you’re not someone who would ignore the bigger picture for your own sake!”

”Since you’re not that kind of person, why disguise yourself as such and make everyone in the world misunderstand you? Is living like that really meaningful? You’ll only be scorned by others. You’re honestly very kind. To fulfill someone who loves you, you’d rather give up your lifetime’s happiness. You’re the most foolish and stupid woman in the world. As a child, I have no right to speak to my mother like this. But Mom, everyone in the world is living, everyone is bearing the responsibilities for the efforts they’ve made. I don’t know how to persuade you. I know how much pain you are in, but I hope you might consider every one of us in the family. Seeing you so depressed makes no one feel good. If Father saw it, he would only worry more about you. I’m worried that he might act impulsively if he saw this. You wouldn’t want to see him get hurt, right? Over the years, you have feelings for him. Even if there is no romantic love, the companionship over time has borne feelings!”

”You’re wrong. Over the years, I haven’t had any feelings for him. Even after all these years together, what I feel for him is only familial affection. I’ve always treated him as my brother, never as my lover. I can’t treat him as the person I love the most, because the person I love the most left me due to my actions. I can only live in regret for the rest of my life. How could I easily fall in love with someone else? I once said, if my relationship with her failed, I would never again easily enter another relationship in this life. Perhaps I’m destined to exist like this, barely surviving, repeatedly clinging to my obsession and living this world. My mission is only to one day see her again!

Maybe you think my actions are truly foolish, but do you know that this is how one person shows love for another. I love her so deeply, deeply, that only after she left did I realize how deeply I was entangled. I have no way to make amends. I have no way to explain to her. I just know she never wants to see me again in this lifetime, but I miss her so, so much. I’ve tried everything to make up for my past mistakes, but in the end, I only invite others’ scorn. I have no way. Again and again, I hope that heaven gives me a chance, a chance to mend every mistake I’ve made, even if it means using my life. But ultimately, I have no way. Heaven gave me one chance, which is letting me barely survive, watching my beloved leave me time and again, farther and farther away, and I can only stand in place, silently shedding tears, without any way to change this result. This is heaven’s greatest revenge on me!

Perhaps people like me should bear this burden, never having a moment of happiness, living a lifetime in pain, forever struggling in the dark abyss, never being able to escape, allowing me only to wait alone for the rest of my life!”

Many times waiting isn’t necessarily what you and I want. Perhaps it’s what becomes the obstacle between you and me.