My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1906: Chapter 1701: True Intentions

So many things have developed to where they are now, and this was never my intention. I just don’t know how to resolve everything I should experience.

”Since we’ve come to this point, I want to ask you a question. I want to hear your true thoughts. From the beginning, did you truly love me? Were you genuinely willing to spend a lifetime with me without any ulterior motives? Did you go through all the hardships just for me? During these years with you, did you feel that I truly loved you?”

”Now that it has come to this, do you think asking these questions still has any meaning? Knowing full well I will give you an answer that will break your heart and leave you in despair, yet still, you insist on putting yourself in the line of fire. Isn’t this messy life you’ve created the result of your own doing? Isn’t what both of us want really quite simple: just to live a peaceful and happy life? Yet this wish seems to have become a severe luxury within your family, unattainable. In my marriage, all I ever truly wanted was the safety of my own family—a family that can live happily. But in the end, I found that all of this is nothing but a mirage!

Zhentian, deep down you understand well why we’ve come to this point. No one knows better than you how many trials we’ve endured to achieve what we have now. And yet, we’ve discovered that the person beside us is not someone who truly loves us the most. If it were you facing this truth, what would your thoughts be? Wouldn’t you feel heartache? Wouldn’t you feel that after giving so much, there’s no reward in the end? Wouldn’t you feel disappointed?

With you, I have been filled with joy and happiness. The smiles I had in the years we were together, every day, were genuine. That smile was never fake. I was truly happy during that time, even when you occasionally quarreled with me—because I believed that was something every couple must go through. Yet I still saw it as happiness. But now I realize it was all just wishful thinking. You never had any intention of growing old together with me, did you? I can’t say whether you were genuine when you defied your father’s objections for my sake, when you became estranged from him because of me. Whether it was true or false, I’m still grateful for the love you gave me over these years. You lost your father because of me, unable to accompany him for so many years. Your heart must still be in pain, right?

Sometimes I am just like this, knowing full well that moving forward will leave me scarred, perhaps never able to heal again. Yet I still press forward without hesitation, because I want to explore my own path in life. I can’t retreat; retreating means I am weak and incompetent. If I were such a person, why bother living in this world? Wouldn’t I just be wasting time and resources, leaving myself feeling incredibly uncomfortable?

So don’t question right or wrong anymore; the trust between us has disappeared. Without trust, it’s unsuitable to continue together. Having decided to completely separate, we should not try to hold on to each other anymore. That would only make things awkward, leaving both of us unsure of which path is truly correct. Clearly, there are two paths in front of us: one is a bright avenue, and the other is a deep abyss of suffering. Every time, I seem to step into the abyss of suffering, but the one time I made the right choice was when I married you—it was my path of sunshine.”

”Do you still hold a place for me in your heart? Knowing you still care for me, why would you treat me like this? Do you know? Every time I struggle in pain and despair, I am constantly thinking about when I can walk out of this shadow. I wonder when I’ll be able to confidently move toward my own happy path in life, but ultimately, I realize that no matter how hard I try, there’s nothing I can do, because I lack the courage to overcome the shadow within me.

I really, really don’t want you to leave me. When you leave, how painful it will be for me. But if you find happiness after leaving me, even if I continue to struggle alone in the depths of despair for a lifetime, I still feel content. Because I’ve given the woman I love most her happiness and the freedom she desired. I’ve seen the smile that comes from within her after leaving me—a feeling of achievement that others cannot understand. Even if the pain will ultimately be mine alone to bear, I’ll continue to strive within that pain and despair, struggling to carve out my own path in life. This path will no longer change for anyone; it will never again unravel into a different direction because of someone else. I know my former weakness led you to such passivity. But now, I’ve learned to be proactive and brave, yet you cruelly decide to leave me. It makes me feel that all my efforts have been in vain. Perhaps some time apart will help us both realize what we truly want. Maybe in a few years, we will reconcile and come together again. I’m always waiting for that day to come, believing it will arrive soon, because I trust that your heart still loves me. It’s just that your hatred has overshadowed your love, causing you to bury that affection deep within. I’m confident that through my own efforts, I can make you fall in love with me again. This love will remain firmly in my heart, and I will not allow it to suffer any more setbacks.”

Actually, Xia Qiu’s heart still has a lot of reluctance. Looking at her husband’s pained expression, she really wants to promise to stay by his side, even if it means never finding happiness again. She’s willing to gamble her lifetime of happiness on this one chance. But recalling all the grievances she’s endured, why does she always have to bow her head? Why, every time, does she have to endure all the hurt and torment, while he never truly understands her pain? Why does she mean so little in his heart? Even if she truly loves him deeply, she has no choice but to bury her feelings to make herself strong; only then can she avoid being hurt by others again.

Even when he initially left my side, it wasn’t because I forced him; he had already decided to leave, and I was powerless to change it.