My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1917: Chapter 1712: Companionship

I used to think more than once, if I lost your companionship in this lifetime, what meaning would there be for me, but I know that perhaps you no longer belong to me.

As for Old Master Zhang, his heart is truly in turmoil. He clearly knows what kind of familial warmth his grandson desires, yet he is powerless. He knows that all of this is just a simple gesture, but why is it so difficult for his family? Why? Could it be because they are a wealthy family? All the wealth they have today was earned through hard work, without breaking any laws. Why must they repeatedly be torn apart, destroying their family’s happiness? This imbalance in his heart is something he cannot reconcile. He is not the type of person who cares more about dignity than pride. Over and over, he has set aside his principles as a person. He has made exceptions for others time and again, but why, ultimately, do they continue to hurt her, as well as him? Is it really good to hurt him like this?

Zhang Yichen understands what his grandfather’s heart is truly thinking. He knows that his grandfather’s heart is in great pain and turmoil, but as a grandson, he is powerless. He can only watch as his family is repeatedly hurt by these things, and he can only stand by in silence, watching quietly, unable to do anything. This is a deeply profound sense of frustration, especially for a successful person—such a sense of defeat is an overwhelming blow. He has lived his whole life smoothly, but why must he suddenly face so many setbacks? Is he truly so undeserving of happiness?

Both of them have thoughts in their hearts, yet when they stand together, they choose to say nothing, because they know better than anyone else that some words are better left unsaid. Once spoken, it may be impossible to return to the original state. Neither of them wants to see such an outcome occur in their own lives. They are not saints; they need the warmth and happiness of their family. But why is heaven so unfair to them, repeatedly harming their family and destroying the happiness they should have? For anyone, such a blow is hard to accept.

At the same time, both of them have chosen not to speak these words, because once spoken, the nature becomes different, making everyone feel awkward and causing heartache over these matters. Clearly, these are the closest people to them, yet repeatedly, they are unwilling to return to their side, repeatedly hurting themselves. This is a fact that no one can accept. They don’t want such harm, yet it remains buried within their hearts, impossible to erase.

”Grandpa, why do my parents always refuse to return to me, to take care of their own son? Am I really so unworthy of their care, even if just once? But why are they always so cold and heartless?

At times, I really can’t understand, why don’t I gain my parents’ love? Once or twice, being abandoned is enough, but why in this lifetime am I constantly abandoned by them? Am I truly so unworthy of their love?

Over the years, I’ve never received love and care from my own parents; I’ve gotten used to it, yet how can my heart be balanced? Watching other parents love their children so deeply, while my parents avoid me, how can I, as a child, truly be happy? I repeatedly ask myself, if my parents truly don’t love me, why did they bring me into this world? Was it solely to continue the family line, to fulfill an obligation?

Grandpa, the pain in my heart is something no one can understand. It is a torment from the depths of my soul, a tremendous harm caused by my parents’ abandonment, which is something I can never change in my life. I know the past is in the past. Clinging to it holds no meaning, but I can’t let go of it. It’s always been a nightmare deep within my soul. How can I just let it go?

Sometimes, I wish time could flow backward. If time could rewind to the very beginning, how happy I would be. If my parents showed me a bit more love and care, I would be so grateful to them for this lifetime, but they have never given me what I long for. They always impose what I don’t want onto me. From a young age, I understood what ’Do not impose on others what you do not desire yourself’ means. But why do my parents not understand? Why do they repeatedly do things to hurt me? I truly don’t understand. Am I still their own son?”

Old Master Zhang listened to his grandson speak like this, and his heart felt uneasy. He also understood that this was the demon in his grandson’s heart. If he couldn’t walk out of this shadow, then no matter what he did or how much effort he put in, it would be futile. Everything must be experienced personally, comprehended personally, in order to truly grow up.

”Child, never dwell on things that make you unhappy. No matter how your parents treat you, they are still your parents. No matter how many things they do to hurt you, you can only be grateful to them. Without them, how would you have today? Whether your current self means anything to them, today you are because they gave you life, allowing you to reach today’s heights. Perhaps it is a height many people cannot achieve in a lifetime. You know how many people struggle desperately to reach such heights but have no way to enter the upper class. Being born into a wealthy family means you already surpass many people in familial background. So never dwell on these things. Just know that as long as you remain grateful, no matter how your parents push you away, there will ultimately be a day of reunion. Grandpa knows this hurt is hard for you to forget, but there’s no other way...”

No matter how much I love you, I always lack confidence in front of you because I don’t know what way to stand confidently before you.