My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1850: Chapter 1644: Abyss

We’ve been apart for years, and I wonder how you’ve been all these years?

I’ve searched every corner of the earth, but still couldn’t find any trace of you. I don’t know, as I wander on the outskirts of the city, going round and round, maybe it’s just because we are too far apart.

”Zhentian, if there is a next life, I would still want to be with you because you really are a wonderful man. But now, I can’t continue living with you. The paths we’ve chosen have already determined the kind of ending we will face in the future, so I don’t want that kind of ending to make us even more embarrassed.

Anyway, today is the last time we’ll meet, so listen to what I have to say. When I was with you and looked at you, my heart suddenly skipped a beat at that moment. I knew at that moment I was deeply entangled in your heart, and there was no way to change that for the rest of my life.

But later, I realized that even though I loved you so much, I meant nothing to you. I don’t know why you chose to be with me initially, but when I was with you, it wasn’t because of your money, your family background, or your status. If I cared about these things, I could have been with men who were a thousand times better off than you. But I didn’t do that. I just knew I was a commoner’s daughter, not on par with those wealthy family daughters, so I couldn’t unite with you as equals. At the beginning, your father also opposed our relationship. At that time, I was really disheartened. I never thought my path of love would be so rough. But when I saw you stand up against your father for me, I realized you did love me. Whether that love was feigned or had ulterior motives, I felt comforted in my heart. From that moment, I didn’t want much. I just hoped the person I loved would unconditionally give for me, love me, and truly consider me part of his life plan.

Although the decisions we made then really made each of us incredulous, thinking back on the youth and arrogance we had, isn’t it a precious memory for us? Thinking back to that time, I was really happy. Thank you for giving me so many memories. These memories are facts that can’t be extinguished in this lifetime. They will always remain in my heart; I won’t forget. Whether you forget or not, I can’t control your thoughts. Maybe you’ll forget as soon as you turn around, but I won’t. From the start, I truly loved you. Yet you chose to use me. You don’t need to explain anything to me now. My intuition is still quite accurate. I knew you were using me, yet I still followed your footsteps heedlessly. Even at the end, knowing I’d be completely scarred by you, I still insisted on being with you. I only hoped to be with you, wanting nothing else. But ultimately, what kind of return did you give me? It resulted in your mistrust and doubts towards me. You think such a marriage is of no use to me, that it’s better to end it early. That period, I don’t know if you were happy, but I was very happy and content. The happiest time in my heart was spent in those ten plus years. Those years, you were willing to give up everything from your family for me, to wander the world with me, homeless. I’m very grateful for this gratitude that I can never repay in this lifetime. I know you’ve lost a lot, and because of these losses, I can’t compensate you. But I hope you can know many things. Since you’ve made a decision, don’t think about getting back together with me because it’s an unrealistic idea...

I’ve said everything I need to say. Think about what you want to say. After all, today is the last time we meet, and if you don’t say it now, there will be no chance later.”

Zhang Zhentian knew everything Xia Jing said was true. He knew that if this woman chose to hide from him, he wouldn’t find her even if he searched every corner of the world. The powers backing her were so strong that he couldn’t make them disappear; he could only comply. Therefore, if he had anything to say, he had to seize the time to say it quickly, or there might not even be a chance to speak later.

”Maybe you think I wasn’t in love with you at first, but had ulterior motives. But I’ve been true to my conscience being with you. Even without you, I still love you. Only after you left did I realize that such love isn’t something that can be forgotten easily. But I had to bear the consequences of my mistakes; I can’t keep shifting all the blame to you, making you take the fall for me. I know every decision I made back then caused you much sorrow. But instead of leaving me, you stayed by my side unwaveringly. For that, I’m already very comforted in my heart. Knowing clearly that these things are unfair to you, I still didn’t stand up to speak for you, never considered your position even for a moment. This was my failure as a husband and my biggest failure as a man. I won’t be like I was before. Maybe you can forget me; but I can’t easily figure out what my heart truly desires, or what kind of life I want. Only then did I realize that I’m not just a self-seeking person after all. I can give up all interests for the sake of love. I was willing to go to any lengths for love before, and now I can still give up everything for the one I love. I don’t care about money, status, fame, or power. What I care about is whether I can have the life and the future I desire. Now, the life I want is incomplete without you, it’s no longer a perfect life. I believe that through my efforts, I can still find you and build my perfect life. I hope you wait for the day I find you, wherever you are, even to the ends of the earth, I will keep searching until I do, even if it means dying along the way and never meeting you again, I still have no regrets.

I ask for nothing, I demand nothing; I only hope that when I find you, you won’t disappoint me again. I only want to be with you. If you give me despair once more, I will truly break down. My life can’t withstand such drastic ups and downs. I’ve already understood my wrongs; the despair you gave me has made me deeply experience the touch of death. I realize such despair is terrifying!”

Once again, it was one o’clock in the morning. After you left, I seemed to have fallen into a real abyss. My whole heart was stranded, while loneliness engulfed me. How am I to understand your ruthlessness?