My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1806: Chapter 1600: Concession

Zhang Yichen now gradually understands that he once hoped his parents could give him a way to live, but now he hasn’t given his wife a way out, forcing her to leave.

Zhang Zhentian just can’t figure out why his father is unwilling to give him a way to live. He only wants to survive a few more days in this world and spend some good time with his family at home. But what has the ending brought him time and again?

Thinking back on these many years, he’s always hoped to return to this family, and when he finally truly returned home, he realized that everything was just an illusion, a mirage; nothing allowed him to achieve his goals. Over and over, the things he wanted to obtain eluded him, and repeatedly, everything he desired was destroyed by his own family.

The things he wanted were right in front of him, yet he couldn’t get or possess them. Instead, he suffered repeated destruction by his own family. How unbearable is that feeling, how agonizing! Or perhaps, all roads must be walked by oneself and no one can replace another. He sees more clearly than anyone else.

Xia Jing really cannot bear to see a good family become like this; all this happened after he returned home. If it was truly because of his return that these things happened, he’d rather leave alone so that no one in the family gets hurt. This is not the ending he desires. Again and again these endings make him confident, yet he never gets what he truly wants, repeatedly suffering deeply in his heart, but who can understand?

”I think none of you need to quarrel over these things anymore. If it’s because my return made things this way, I’m willing to leave alone, bear all the consequences, and once again journey far away, never to set foot in this house again. I hope you can return to that previous peaceful and quiet life, for that is what I can offer you. Time and again I’ve appeared, causing changes to the family, making everyone clash and quarrel because of me. Deep down, I cannot be at ease; I cannot watch my family suffer because of me over and over, while I sit back and enjoy, waiting for my family to end up completely wounded, and still innocently stare at you all in confusion. I can’t do it!

Now I have come to terms with everything, because I understand this truth: even if I regard everything as extremely important, what I finally obtain may not be the outcome I desire. I’ve experienced pain time and again and feel without regret except towards you, for I’ve harmed you the most in this life. I wish such things never happened, but they have become facts. I have no way to change them or to make it as if they never happened.

If my departure can stop each of you from quarreling, I find my sacrifice meaningful. But if my leaving allows continued quarrels, then I don’t understand the point. Everything I do is with purpose, as you know, I’m a person who always has a goal, one to achieve it by any means necessary!

Truly, you understand me more than anyone, as you know all I do is wrong. Deep down I’m always wrestling with myself, struggling, giving me no way to face past wounds. I’m very afraid of being hurt again by everyone. All I want is for you to live happy and peaceful lives, yet I end up giving you nothing.

Dad, my return to this family has caused everyone hurt, this is my fault. If time could go back, I would have never returned; I’d keep the promise to never step foot in this house again. That way, you’d endure less pain, not living on edge, and have more relaxed days. But all this is harm I’ve brought upon you, and deep down I feel deep guilt. Yet I still couldn’t help but come back because I missed you, wanting a family, wanting my family’s company, but now I’ve no choice but to leave. My return has hurt you, and my leaving is the best outcome for you.”

Zhang Yichen never thought one day his mother would make such a decision. He had finally returned home after much difficulty, yet chooses to leave because of continual arguments at home, and his wife’s current state. Is all this truly his parents’ fault? Is his wife completely blameless? If she had been a little more open-hearted, a bit more broad-minded, he wouldn’t be caught in the middle, at a dilemma. What should he really do? If his parents leave once more, he’ll eternally lose all contact. Should he really let this happen? After so many years of longing, finally having his family home, why choose to leave once more? Why repeat this harm upon him again? In their eyes, what is he, this son, really? A tool to be harmed at will? A pawn to be used freely for their purposes?

Sometimes he really hadn’t thought his parents would be such people. He also hoped his parents could give him a way to live; he knew how difficult their life had been over the years.

Was his life really easy, not hard at all? For years, he lived each day as if walking on thin ice, scared of being hurt, and fearing his family’s rejection due to his own lack of ability. He worked hard to enhance his ability so his family could always live beyond others.

Perhaps this is karmic retribution; the harm he once caused would eventually come back upon him.