My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1809: Chapter 1603: If Only

If it were truly possible, I dearly wish that, back when he asked whether I forgave him, I could have kept telling him that I had indeed forgiven him, rather than letting him know that I never really had.

When Zhang Yichen heard his husband’s insistent words, he felt that if he didn’t take this opportunity to be a little proud, then where would he find his footing in this family in the future? Even though having a place here isn’t really important, what matters is whether he can accompany his child for a lifetime.

But at this moment, he suddenly felt that if he didn’t have a place to stand, what qualifications would he have to stay in the family and accompany his child? He doesn’t ask for much, just to peacefully accompany his child. To others, perhaps this request isn’t excessive, but to him, it’s utterly extravagant, something he simply can’t achieve. If one day he were truly driven out of the house, what would he do? How could he return to his child’s side? No one ever considers the feelings of a mother, always so selfish and self-centered.

Zhang Yichen seemed to completely overlook the expression on his wife’s face. At this moment, their relationship was, more or less, being undermined. The loving life they once had was bound to be consumed by mutual doubts despite their previous harmony and trust. Once someone intervenes, the happy marriage inevitably approaches its demise.

”Zhihan, let’s go home together, isn’t it wonderful to witness our son’s growth together? Don’t stay angry; it’s not worth it. You’ll harm your health by being angry, and it worries me, too. You must have some pity for your husband who worries about you, right? You’re so understanding; you should know what should and shouldn’t be done. We should know how to interact with each other to make this marriage happiest. I know I don’t trust you enough, but have you ever thought about how painful my heart was after those incidents? I’m not a Saint. I have emotions, and I can’t accept my wife having lingering ties with another man!”

”Stop, with such sweet words. Do you realize how much you hurt me when you did wrong? You never considered how painful my heart felt, not even sparing a thought for my feelings. Why should you now feign sincerity in saying these things?

Besides, I never agreed to forgive you; where do you get ”we will live a happy life” from? Since you’ve admitted that you don’t trust me enough, how do you think we should carry on as a couple without trust? Carefully think about what it takes for our marriage to continue in its original happiness.”

”I’ve told you I didn’t intend to suspect you, but some things inevitably make me overthink. I’m also a man with my own pride. If I give up my pride, then what’s the point of living in this world? Everyone has their own thoughts. All I want is to live a stable life. Why can’t you empathize with how painful my heart truly is?”

”At this point, do you still think I wronged you? Does it mean nothing to you when your words bring my heart pain too? You hurt my pride at the same time, do you know that? I thought loving you enough and having confidence for a lifelong relationship would be sufficient, but I didn’t expect that no matter what I do, it all seems to be nothing but a dream in your eyes!

All my expectations of you have been completely exhausted by your mistrust. Without a happy marriage, is there even meaning in living? I don’t know the point of continuing our life together when you might just want my forgiveness for the sake of our child. But do you know that every word and action you make matters to me, because I care about you? I care about you so much that I even care about your thoughts!

Perhaps you can’t understand this kind of care because you never cared in this way about me. But do you know? I care so much about you that I’d give up everything, yet in your heart, you wouldn’t do the same. How I wish for us to live well together someday. Maybe to you, this seems too extravagant or difficult, but my heart feels even more painful than yours, do you understand?”

”So what do you need to forgive me? These issues aren’t solely my fault. Have you ever thought about whether these things cause pain to me as well?

Have you considered the blows these events might inflict upon me? You’re always so self-centered, never considering my feelings. I’m also a living person! Sometimes I have headaches, feeling my nerves intertwining until I feel my brain splitting with pain. You never felt drained from work, did you? At home, I’ve prepared everything for you, just for peace while you take care of our kid. But what about you? You went out and did such things, hurting me. I don’t want to keep bringing up the past. I wish past events could float away with the wind, never to return. But you? You keep sprinkling salt on my wounds, doubting my sincere wish to maintain life together. Maybe you don’t care, but I care greatly about our marriage and whether our kids can genuinely feel parental love.

You should know better than anyone, I grew up without the love of parents, everything achieved through my efforts led to today’s success. I don’t want my son to endure similar struggles because of these things. But you’ll never consider how much a father wishes his child to live happily. I’ve sacrificed so much for this family, hoping each member could enjoy a life without worry over everyday needs. But have you wondered what the hardships I’ve endured were for?

No matter if you forgive me or not, at least for the sake of our child, don’t let this hard-won marriage collapse...”

If only it were possible, I just hope time could rewind a few years.