My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1089: Chapter 941: Things from the Past

”In your eyes, the child must think that everything we do is wrong, because we’ve never considered anything from your perspective. But do you know something? Our love for you as parents has never changed. Everything you do is absolutely right in the depths of our hearts. Even if you hate us, you will always be my child in our hearts, and nothing will change that; everything won’t change because of anything. I just hope you can live happily, and I can be joyous as well.

There was a time when I deeply regretted my actions. I never thought that there would come a day when I would bring such consequences upon everyone in the family. But do you know something? When those things happened, do you think I, as a parent, could truly remain indifferent in my heart? Yet I watched my child suffer the most severe injuries time and time again, and as a parent, I could only remain indifferent, staring helplessly, unable to do anything to help him resolve them. Do you know that kind of sorrow?

For so many years, even though deep down you’ve always blamed me and your father, do you know that we’ve been silently watching over you? I truly hope someone can tell you that we really miss you, long for you, want to stay by your side to accompany you, but we have no way to make everything become what we imagine it to be. I can’t make everything return to the way I deeply desire in my heart. Do you know how afraid I am, scared that someday I’ll leave this world? I’m really terrified. I don’t want to wait until the brink of life and death to think of my family, to reflect on what I truly did wrong and what I’ve done that betrays everyone?

I also know that I have no excuse, nor any dignity to beg my own son for forgiveness. But do you know something? You are my child, no matter when or where, as parents you will always be our number one in our hearts.

We won’t change everything because of anything. We will let everything develop as we imagine it to be, slowly moving forward. Even if it takes a long time, even if we might never reach that goal in our lifetime, I’ve tried hard, and I have no regrets. My conscience is clear. I know that when the day I die comes, I can finally rest in peace, right?

The thing I’ve worried about the most in this lifetime is that even after I leave this world, my child will still resent me as her mother for not being there, still blame everything I’ve done as mistakes. I don’t want to bear this blow or suffer this pain. This isn’t the life I want. Perhaps everyone thinks I’ve lived selfishly all these years, but who hasn’t lived selfishly for oneself at least once? My past selfishness resulted in such a murderous outcome, and I really regret it. I will never again act ignorantly like I did before, causing myself sadness.

If you truly regard me as your mother, truly hope that I can stay well by your side, then I beg you, I beg you to give me a chance, so I can live well, so I can strive for my own life once. Don’t bind my thoughts time and again, making it impossible for me to live. I can’t make everything become what I want it to be; such a life is truly a torment. I’ve experienced it for too many years now, and I don’t want to continue living like this.”

Zhang Yichen had never seen his mother plead desperately with anyone like today. Should his mother continue to plead here, while he remains indifferent? Perhaps he’s not really a heartless person, but how can he ever forget the emotional pain his mother once brought him? Maybe he should learn to forget, to let go of all the pain and hurt, so everyone can live in the happiest moments, so everyone can have their lifetime of happiness.

But perhaps for a lifetime, there’s no way to pretend none of it ever happened. He’s done too much, and each event hit him so hard that he could never let it become the conclusion he’s always wanted. Hopefully, in his next life, he can make everything turn out as he wishes.

”Mom, knowing now, why would you have done those things in the first place? You knew the wrongs; did you really think we could casually forget as if nothing ever happened? Honestly, I’m powerless. I can’t be as strong as you imagine. I can’t pretend none of it ever happened. How could I casually forget the hurt I’ve been through?

Maybe deep down in your heart, you think I’m your child, and I should naturally endure the harm you’ve done to me just once. But that’s not the truth. We should learn to give up everything we originally resisted. We should change our deepest desires. Why must we hurt each other over and over again? Do you think this is the life we want? You’re my mom, yet have you really considered how your son feels deep inside when you say those words? In fact, you never have. I really don’t understand what made you become Lady Numb like this. What pain did you endure to make you repeatedly think I should naturally forgive you?

No matter what, my father would never say such words to me. He wouldn’t force me to make any decisions. He’d only comply with my wishes. But you? For all these things, it was solely to make me comply with your attitude. But is your attitude really more important than everyone’s attitude? Just because of your attitude, should I abandon everyone’s viewpoint to endorse yours?

People have births, aging, illnesses, and deaths. I know, and I know, you fear facing this day, and I fear it as well. But should we escape everything just because we’re scared?

There was a time when I thought, as long as I could live happily, as long as you can be happy, I don’t care. Even if you are never by my side in this lifetime, I would not blame you.”