My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1052: Chapter 905: False Affection

They said something and turned all their attention to Zhang Nai.

”Nai’er, there are some things I need to communicate to you in advance. Never think about choosing to fall in love while he studies and grows on his own. That could bring pain to yourself. Don’t think that falling in love is always a happy thing. Indeed, some relationships are exhausting. You might give everything for a person, but the one he truly loves in his heart isn’t you. Even if he insincerely claims one day, ’You’re the one I love,’ who knows what he might do behind your back? Like many girls who genuinely love a boy and are willing to do anything for him, but what happens in the end? In the end, the boy cheats. Do you think a life like this is one a normal person should live? No one wants to live under such gloom all their life. This kind of life is suffocating and unbearably painful!”

”Why are you suddenly telling me this? Surely, you don’t think I’m in a relationship, do you? You are overthinking it. Everything I do is just to grow happily and joyfully. Everything I speak of is with a clear conscience. Don’t let your imagination run wild. I won’t dig myself into a grave at such a young age. I know how terrifying love can be, especially falling in love.”

Zhang Yichen didn’t understand why his son would say such things. Could it be that his son had already experienced heartbreak but never told them? However, he was also reluctant to believe that his son could be capable of such emotional actions at such a young age. He believed his son wasn’t that type of person. However, everyone was curiously watching him, waiting for his next word.

”You guys really don’t need to worry that I’ll fall in love during my learning and growing up phase. I’ve seen the situations you’re describing. I’ve seen a boy passionately in love with a girl, only to have that girl hurt him. And when the girl realized her mistake, the boy chose to have an affair. You know, such situations occur far too often. When I witnessed this, I couldn’t judge right from wrong. I fear that one day, the woman I love dearly might actually be merely pretending in front of me. Every word she says might just be to pacify me. That’s truly terrifying. I don’t have the capability or strength to endure such turmoil.

All my life, I just want to live peacefully and steadily. Living is truly difficult, but if I can live happily, freely, and unfettered, it’s enough. If I spent my whole life following others’ footsteps, even if I reached the end of my life, would I still be myself? Would I still be my true self? I just want to be my authentic self, show my true self to everyone, not deceive everyone with my disguises, not take advantage of others’ kindness, not use others’ sympathy for my age repeatedly, nor exploit their kindness. I can’t use these things to hurt anyone. Such an act is not what I should do. What I hope for is that I could live happily and stably. All I wish is for everyone to be happy. Looking at my grandparents, looking at my parents, I fear marriage even more.

Grandpa, Grandma, the three of you surely understand that some things cannot be reasoned out. I had never experienced such feelings, but now I know what it’s like. Behind every disappointment lies the hope one had once held, and that hope was always given by others. But each time, I watched the one I loved most stand in someone else’s arms. I understand that feeling. Has anyone truly thought about what they once wanted most in life? Was it just to be happy and content? Yet, it wasn’t.

Nowadays, many people are together just to satisfy others or to spite the one they truly like for not confessing to them. I don’t want to interfere in others’ relationships, nor do I want to be labeled a third party. Who really knows that when I see some third parties intruding into others’ relationships, I feel deep hatred. I don’t understand why those women do that. Is sleeping with other men that enjoyable? Disrupting others’ happy rhythm, is that really what they want?

I once thought that someone only wished to be a mistress all their life. To him, ’mistress’ might have been a novel term. Perhaps he was only fit to be a mistress in this lifetime. Who knows how many beds he had climbed onto or how many people he’s had affairs with. No one knows whether he is clean or dirty. Ultimately, such people are the dirtiest, because no one knows their past.

You might not believe it, but when everything is piled onto one person and difficulties arise one after another, when he can’t solve them, his mood is actually quite restless. But in front of his family, he can only maintain a calm mind. He can’t let his family bear the trials and tribulations he should endure.

I’ve seen many harmonious families. Originally living a happy life together, everything was shattered by a third party’s intrusion. In every household, people become unrecognizable and devoid of humanity. Because a once-happy family is turned into a place with no warmth, just a mess, others’ wreck of a home. You know that feeling is actually very disheartening. I’m also afraid. I’m afraid one day I might face such a scenario. I can’t predict if I can live an easy life in my lifetime. I also can’t ensure I can live peacefully and freely all my life. But at least, I have pursued my own truth and taken steps toward what I desired the most in this lifetime. Even if the outcome isn’t what I wanted, I still have no regrets. Taking action is the best demonstration. If I don’t have the courage to prove what I want, then I’m just wasting my life. I will never trust the insincerity some women speak of. Today she may be with you, but tomorrow, she might sneak into someone else’s bed. I don’t want such things to happen to me. I hope I can live my life peacefully and that’s sufficient...”