My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1058: Chapter 911: Do You Regret It?

”Mom, you’ve made so many mistakes in the past. I want to know if there was ever a moment deep down when you regretted them. I know that you genuinely regret abandoning me in this matter and that you’re wholeheartedly trying to make up for every mistake you’ve ever made. But do you know what? What I want to know most now is which of those mistakes you regret and which you don’t. If you still refuse to admit your wrongs, then I’ll just consider you hopeless. I have neither the means nor the reason to keep forgiving you, to keep waiting for you. I can’t believe that my own mother would truly be so heartless. Other people’s mothers would cherish and love their children endlessly, yet my mother has given me nothing but pain.

When you repeatedly handed all the hurt over to me, to be honest, I felt utterly despondent inside. I never imagined that I would one day face such a scenario. I never imagined that my parents would once again hurt me in this world.

Every torment and every pain that I’ve endured deep inside, you’ve never considered nor can you understand. Do you know what kind of pain that really is? When I realized that everything came about in this way, I found that it all accumulated like this, again and again, yet I had absolutely no power to turn it into something I once knew, a state I least desired. I simply didn’t have such ability. All I could do was let fate dictate my life once more.

I have to admit, sometimes I am really afraid of fate. I fear that my life is being controlled by destiny. I fear that every decision I make is just following the steps fate has arranged for me. I don’t believe in heaven, or gods, and I certainly don’t believe that my fate is in the hands of others. I believe that as long as I put in the effort, my destiny will be controlled by me. But now, looking at my fate, do I really think I am not here? Is everything I do really what I want? The kind of life I want is not like this. I just want a stable life, but I’ve never had that.

When I heard you talk about being betrayed by others, at that moment, that feeling in my heart was terrifying. I was afraid that one day, I might also be betrayed by someone. I’ve given all my heart to everyone, but if in the end, that person chooses to betray me, I really wouldn’t know what to think. I also wouldn’t know what mindset to adopt when facing such a situation.

Perhaps with a mindset like mine, living in this society is genuinely so difficult. Every decision I make is for the good of everyone in the family, but when I realized that all of this was wrong, I was already beyond saving, unable to undo each decision I faced. I don’t know how to let it all be as if it never happened. I only know that every decision and action I once made brought heavy damage to myself, leading me to suffer all the pain and torment again and again, yet I am helpless.”

”In this world, no matter what you do, you must understand one thing: you cannot exchange sincerity with sincerity from others. Even if you put all your genuine feelings into someone, in their eyes, you are just a tool to be used.

They might think you are foolish and naive.

Because a casual word from them can change everything, they can point all their negative criticisms at you. At that moment, will you truly be happy deep in your heart?

Sometimes, you should reflect on every action you’ve ever taken and think about what kind of harm it might bring to yourself. Why stand from your own perspective, being selfish and looking out only for yourself? Perhaps if you viewed things from another’s perspective, the outcome would be very different.

There are things you feel you’ve done right, but in others’ eyes, everything you’ve done is wrong. When one day you look back and realize that all your efforts were in vain, and all your hard work was merely fleeting, then you will know how deep the pain runs inside you.

Whenever the sky rained, I would think of all the weekends and every pain that touched the depths of my soul—an indelible agony. I once wondered who I was living my whole life for, but in the end, I never got the answer. Perhaps I was just selfishly living for myself. When I reached that point of pain, sadness, and despair, who cared about my thoughts, my feelings?

Why live so selfishly? They live their entire lives, but for what at the end?

One should live for oneself, never attempting to change oneself to satisfy anyone’s desires. It’s not worth it. Even if you change everything for them, it will amount to nothing in their eyes. They won’t care about what you’ve given; they’ll only let you endure all the pain time and again, an unprecedented humiliation.”

”In truth, no one ever truly considers what all the sufferings they endured count for. Like enduring all the pain and harm, but in others’ eyes, they are nothing. She can happily be with others; he can stand with you one moment and choose to betray you the next. No one knows what you’ve gained or lost; only deep down do you truly know the nature of such change. Perhaps you don’t understand now how painful it is, but as time gradually passes, and everything accumulates, when you find you’ve gone too far, wanting to look back to see if anything has changed, maybe at that glance you feel nothing has changed. But after walking a little further, looking back again, you’ll discover everything has long since changed beyond recognition. Everything has ceased to resemble what you once imagined. No one would repeatedly do such things, and no one would want to live under such joyous circumstances for a lifetime.

Just be your happiest self, walk the path you most wish to walk, be the person you most wish to be, be your most genuine self, and create the life you most desire. Why change everything based on someone else’s words? It’s not worth it. Doing so would make you a fool, for they simply aren’t worth it!”