My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1061: Chapter 914 Pain

”Grandfather and grandmother, perhaps you never realized how much harm your son has endured because of your actions. Everything you do is so selfish and self-centered, when have you ever considered if your actions could hurt others?

Perhaps, back then when you were together, you never imagined my father would be hurt like this, would turn out the way he is today. You saw him as someone willing to give everything, time and again, for himself. You never truly considered that your actions might harm your own family. Deep down, you were originally selfish and self-interested, but gradually you have become enlightened. Once, you were perhaps truly selfish, but after experiencing these things, you’ve become more open-minded. Everyone has their own path to walk, and once on it, she gradually becomes accustomed to everything.

I used to be scared of hearing any unkind words from my family, but gradually I got used to it, and now I don’t care about anything they say.

Looking back at everything I’ve sung, is that really what I wanted?

I’ve watched helplessly as what I cared about slowly grows and still thrives, watching as those I pitied and was unwilling to let go hurt everything, gradually becoming more distant. There’s nothing I can do.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made, no matter how tired I am, when I calm down and reflect on every single error I’ve made, what have I become?

I don’t want my future life to be spent in pain and torment. I don’t want my family to always be the ones hurt. All I hope for is my family to live happily and joyfully. Perhaps this might seem overly simplistic to you, but once I dreamed of having a heart that cares for the world, hoped my family could attain the greatest happiness and joy. But ultimately, I achieved nothing. I watched helplessly as my family was hurt by you, and I was powerless. Do you know that feeling of failure? I’ve never felt so useless. Time and again I’ve grasped what I most wanted, only by exerting all my effort, as my parents always gave everything, yet no one ever considered things from their perspective. Is living really not arduous enough? They always wanted to leave the best of everything for us, but what have we given them in return? After each instance of hurt, the only choice was forced acceptance.

Grandfather and grandmother, I’m not afraid of you hurting me time and again, but I truly implore you, implore you to let my parents go, let them live a little happier. Even just a tiny bit, I would be deeply grateful to you. Over these years, the so-called pain and pressure my parents bear, no one has considered from their perspective. I’m the child, I can’t let my parents bear all the harm, while as their offspring, I only watch from behind. I can’t stay indifferent, I want to step up and give them a hug and comfort, but I can’t find the courage to take that step. I’m scared that if I stand in front of my mom and try to comfort her, she’ll break down in tears. I’m terrified that every word she says leaves me speechless, unable to comfort her. My mom always gives me the very best of everything, often believing the most perfect thing in the world is her child being happy and joyful. Yet when I’m bullied time and again, she’s unwaveringly by my side to support me, to give me faith. But has anyone considered how difficult my feelings are in those moments?”

”I know today you’ve spoken these words, and I’m quite reflective. I realize I’ve hurt your parents. If it weren’t for our existence, your parents wouldn’t be living so arduously. Seeing them living like this, as elders, we feel deeply unsettled. But we have no choice. When we chose this path, it already determined the final outcome, didn’t it? We just wanted them to live peacefully, even if it’s not lasting, even if it’s just a moment, it’s still happiness for me.

I deeply wish to see my children living happily. I yearn to see them smile every day, with all the happiness given by me. I hope, in front of my children, I’m not a timid and fearful person, but someone who can give everything for family and isn’t afraid of being hurt.

Once, I naively made every decision, believing that as long as I lived happily, I wouldn’t care even if my family was hurt. But gradually I realized that every mistake I made was unforgivable. I’ve hurt those who love me most again and again. I don’t understand why I made those choices and decisions. I’ve harmed everyone who truly loved me in my family, repeatedly treating their love and tolerance as tools for my own advantage. I don’t know how to return everything to its original state. I’m scared, never without fear of such things happening again to me. I constantly live in fear and trepidation, I’m truly exhausted by this life, and I don’t want my spirit tortured any longer.

Child, I know you’ve spoken these words for the sake of your parents. You know that your parents might now live differently than what we imagined. Everyone’s vision of life is happiness and joy, without regrets. But is our current life truly what we desire? Look at your mother, now staying in the hospital, and your father, anxious and losing his composure. And here we are, time and again bringing harm to you. Is leaving this home not the best outcome and solution for you?

Do we really wish to stay and make the house chaotic, making it impossible to live peacefully?”