My Alleged Husband

Chapter 557: Chapter 536 Despair_1

”If there’s a next life, Zhentian, I’d still choose to be with you, because you truly are a remarkable man. But now, I can’t continue this life with you; the paths we’ve chosen have determined the end we face. I just hope that when the time comes, such an ending won’t be too embarrassing for either of us.”

”Since today is our last meeting, hear out my true feelings. When I first fell for you, looking at you made my heart flutter uncontrollably. I knew I was deeply trapped in your heart from that moment on, and there was no changing that for the rest of my life.”

”But later on, I realized that even though I loved you so much, I meant nothing in your heart. I don’t know why you chose to be with me back then, but it wasn’t for your money, your family background, or your status. Had I cared about those things, I could’ve chosen men thousands of times better off than you much earlier, yet I did not. I knew I was just the daughter of an average family, and I couldn’t measure up to those daughters of Wealthy Families. That’s why I couldn’t match you in social standing. Your father was also against our relationship at first, and I was so disheartened then. I had never imagined that my road to love could be so rocky. But when I saw you stand up to your father for me, determinedly, I knew you truly loved me. Whether that love was feigned or with an ulterior motive, I took comfort in it. Since then, I didn’t want much—only that the person I loved would love me unconditionally; see me as his person; truly integrate me into his life plans.”

”Although the decisions we made back then are unbelievable, reflecting on our youth, our reckless younger days, wasn’t it a precious memory for both of us? I was genuinely happy then. Thank you for all the memories you’ve left me—memories that can never be erased and will always reside in my heart. Whether you remember or forget, I can’t control your thoughts. Perhaps you’ll forget as you turn around, but from the beginning, I sincerely loved you, even though you chose to use me. Now you don’t have to try to offer any explanations; my intuition is sharp. I knew you were using me, yet I still followed you recklessly, even though I knew I’d end up deeply hurt, battered and bruised. I didn’t care about anything else; I just wanted to be with you, but what did I get in return? Your distrust, your doubts about me. What’s the point of keeping such a marriage that’s been far from the happiest for either of us? You might not have been happy, but those times were the happiest of my life. Those years when you were able to give up everything for me—to wander the world with me, homeless—I’m eternally grateful for that, and I can never repay you for the sacrifices you’ve made for me. I know you’ve lost so much, which is why I can’t make it up to you. But I hope you understand that since you’ve made a decision, don’t even think about reconciling with me because it’s just not realistic...”

”I’ve said what I needed to say. Now it’s your turn—if you have anything to say, say it because this is the last chance we’ll get.”

Zhang Zhentian knew that every word Xia Jing said was the truth. He was aware that if this woman chose to hide and refused to see him, then no matter how far he searched, even to the ends of the earth, he wouldn’t be able to find her. The power behind her was too great for him to fight, so he had to comply. He had to take this moment to speak, or else he’d lose even the chance to speak at all.

”Perhaps you think that when I was with you, it wasn’t love, but another agenda. But I’ve lived with a clear conscience. Without you, I still love you. It was only after you left me that I realized such love isn’t easily forgotten. But I must face the consequences of my own actions and can’t always blame you, making you take the fall for me. I know my decisions have hurt you, but instead of leaving me, you’ve stood loyally by my side, and for that, my heart has found comfort. I’ve realized that I’ve been unfair to you and never once spoke out on your behalf or considered your point of view—my failure as a husband and most unsuccessful aspect as a man. I won’t be like I was before. Maybe you can forget me, but I cannot clearly understand what my heart wants, what sort of life I desire. I’ve understood that I wasn’t always as mercenary as I thought. I can forsake all benefits for my love; I used to be ruthless for love, and now I can still give up everything for the one I love. I don’t care about money, status, fame, or power. All I care about is whether I can get the life I want, and without you, that life is no longer perfect. I believe that through my efforts, I can find you again and build my perfect life. I hope you can wait for that day when I find you. No matter where you are, I’ll find you—even if it takes me to the ends of the earth. Even if I die from exhaustion on the way and never get to see your face again, I will have no regrets.”

”I ask for nothing and want nothing else, just that when I find you, you don’t give me despair again. I just want to be with you. If you hand me despair once more, I will collapse. My life cannot bear so many ups and downs. I’ve realized my mistakes. The despair you’ve given me has made me deeply sense the approach of death, and I know such despair fills one with fear!”