Rebirth 1991: Keep the Fame, I'll Take the Royalties

The Hostile Extraction

The morning smog of the San Fernando Valley hung low over Ventura Boulevard, trapping the heat and the scent of exhaust fumes in the air.

At 8:45 AM, Elias van Kempen and Charlize Theron stepped off another painfully slow RTD city bus. Elias fed his three dollars in loose coins into the fare box with the usual, deeply internal flinch, while Charlize muttered a string of colorful Afrikaans curses under her breath.

”I am going to buy you a bloody car out of my first paycheck,” Charlize grumbled, adjusting the collar of her faded denim jacket as the bus roared away. ”I swear to God, Elias. You just negotiated a national commercial contract, and you still made us transfer lines twice just to save fifty cents.”

”A car is a depreciating asset that requires insurance, gasoline, and maintenance,” Elias stated, completely unbothered by her frustration. He patted the inner pocket of his vintage leather jacket, feeling the crisp, forged letterhead resting inside. ”Public transit allows me to allocate our capital toward hostile acquisitions. Like the one we are executing right now.”

He pointed a long finger across the street.

Nestled between a discount mattress store and a struggling video rental shop was a two-story, uninspired stucco building. Above the glass double doors, peeling black letters read: West Coast Talent.

Charlize stopped walking. Her fierce, defiant posture faltered for a fraction of a second. She stared at the building, her chest tightening. This was the place that owned her. This was the institution that held her visa, her passport, and her crushing three-thousand-dollar debt over her head like a guillotine.

Elias didn’t offer her a comforting shoulder. He didn’t offer words of encouragement. He merely offered an evaluation.

”They put their office in a strip mall,” Elias observed, his voice dripping with aristocratic disdain. ”It’s pathetic. They are advertising their lack of liquidity to the world. Follow me, Charlize. Try to look expensive.”

Elias pushed open the heavy glass doors and strode into the lobby.

The reception area of West Coast Talent was an exercise in cheap intimidation. The walls were plastered with headshots of young, desperate actors who had likely never booked more than a fast-food commercial. The waiting room was currently occupied by six teenage girls, all sitting stiffly on cheap vinyl chairs, looking absolutely terrified as they clutched their portfolios.

Behind a large, faux-marble desk sat a receptionist, aggressively chewing gum and filing her nails.

Elias didn’t stop at the desk. He didn’t ask for an appointment. He walked straight past the receptionist with the terrifying, natural entitlement of a man who owned the building.

”Hey! You can’t go back there!” the receptionist shrieked, dropping her nail file.

Elias ignored her. He walked down the narrow hallway, Charlize trailing closely behind him. At the end of the hall was a large corner office with the door wide open.

Sitting behind a heavy mahogany desk was Barry Silverman.

Barry was the quintessential 1990s bottom-feeder agent. He was a man in his late forties, pouring out of a shiny, cheap polyester suit. A thick gold chain rested visibly against his chest hair, and a heavy gold watch clanked against the desk as he yelled into his desk phone. The entire room smelled aggressively of cheap cologne and stale cigar smoke.

”I don’t care if she’s sick, tell her to put on some makeup and get to the audition!” Barry barked into the receiver, slamming it down with a heavy CLACK.

He looked up, his face flushed red with anger, and saw Elias and Charlize standing in his doorway.

Barry’s eyes instantly locked onto Charlize. His anger morphed into a predatory, mocking sneer.

”Well, well. Look who decided to show up,” Barry drawled, leaning back in his squeaky leather chair. ”Charlize. I just got a call from CBS Radford. They said you walked off the set yesterday before you were wrapped. That’s a breach of contract, sweetheart. That means you owe me the fifty-dollar day rate, plus a twenty percent penalty fee.”

Charlize’s hands curled into fists at her sides, but she remained silent, deferring to the monster standing beside her.

Barry finally noticed Elias. He looked the tall, striking teenager up and down, taking in the scuffed boots, the faded t-shirt, and the vintage jacket. Barry burst into a loud, grating laugh.

”And who the hell is this?” Barry mocked, gesturing vaguely at Elias with a thick finger. ”Is this the boyfriend? Did you bring your little starving artist boyfriend here to protect you, Charlize? Listen to me, kid. The adults are doing business. Why don’t you take your thrift-store jacket and go wait by the bus stop before I call security?”

Elias didn’t blink. He didn’t raise his voice. He simply walked into the room, approaching the heavy mahogany desk.

He moved with such absolute, chilling confidence that Barry’s laughter abruptly died in his throat.

Elias stopped in front of the desk. His dark, impenetrable eyes locked onto the heavy gold watch on Barry’s wrist, then scanned the messy desk, mentally pinging the Corporate X-Ray Scan he had active since they walked in.

”Your watch is gold-plated, Barry. The brass is showing through on the clasp,” Elias stated, his baritone voice a smooth, flat blade cutting through the cologne-soaked air. ”And I noticed a Porsche 944 parked in the reserved spot outside. A beautiful machine. Unfortunately, based on the late-notice warnings stacked under your coffee mug, you are currently two months behind on the lease payments.”

Barry’s face turned the color of wet cement. He instinctively pulled his arm back, hiding the watch under the desk. ”How... who the hell do you think you are?!”

Elias didn’t answer. He reached into his inner jacket pocket, retrieved the crisp, flawlessly forged document, and slammed it down onto the center of Barry’s desk.

The gold-inked crest of Aegis Capital & Legal caught the fluorescent light perfectly.

”I am Elias van Kempen. Managing Partner of Sovereign Media,” Elias introduced himself, his tone dropping the temperature in the room by ten degrees. ”And I am here to execute a hostile extraction of my client.”

Barry stared at the terrifyingly authentic legal document. His eyes frantically scanned the text.

CEASE AND DESIST... ILLEGAL KICKBACKS... CALIFORNIA TALENT AGENCIES ACT SECTION 1700... PREDATORY HOUSING PRACTICES...

”This is bullshit,” Barry stammered, though a massive sweatdrop formed on his hairline. He tried to puff out his chest, relying on the only tactic he knew: intimidation. ”You think you can walk into my office with some fake lawyer letter and steal my talent? I have an ironclad contract! She owes me three thousand dollars for housing! I have a whole legal team in Century City that will chew you up and spit you out, kid!”

Elias smiled. It wasn’t a friendly smile. It was the smile of a great white shark tasting blood in the water.

”Call them,” Elias challenged, gesturing gracefully toward the phone on Barry’s desk. ”Call your imaginary legal team in Century City, Barry. Call them right now.”

Barry’s hand hovered over the receiver, trembling slightly.

”Because when you do,” Elias continued, leaning his knuckles on the desk and towering over the seated agent, ”I will ensure that they are fully briefed on the fact that your ’agency housing’ is a residential apartment zoned for single-family occupancy, which you are illegally subletting to six foreign nationals at a two-hundred-percent markup. You aren’t just violating the Talent Agencies Act, Barry. You are operating an unlicensed commercial boarding house.”

Charlize, standing near the door, literally sweatdropped, her eyes wide. She watched Elias dissect the man with terrifying, surgical precision. Elias didn’t need magic. He just needed to know how the system was rigged.

”Your lawyers won’t protect you from the TAA,” Elias whispered, his voice dark and absolute. ”And they certainly won’t protect you from a full-scale audit by the IRS for commercial tax evasion. You are looking at the immediate revocation of your operating license, the restitution of all illegally collected rent, and approximately five to seven years in federal prison.”

Barry Silverman was no longer a corporate bully. He was a terrified, sweating mess of polyester and cheap cologne. He looked at the flawless letterhead, he looked at Elias’s dead, sociopathic eyes, and his bravado completely shattered. He didn’t know Elias was sixteen. He didn’t know the letter was forged on a motel desk. He just knew he was staring at a predator who had completely outplayed him.

”What... what do you want?” Barry choked out, wiping his forehead with a handkerchief.

Elias tapped a long finger against the center of the forged document.

”Open your filing cabinet, Barry. Pull out Charlize Theron’s original contract,” Elias ordered, his voice cold iron. ”Tear it into pieces. Then, you will sign this waiver, legally absolving her of the fabricated three-thousand-dollar debt. You will do it now, or I pick up that phone and I call the California Labor Commissioner.”

Barry didn’t hesitate. He practically scrambled out of his chair, lunging for the metal filing cabinet in the corner of his office. He frantically yanked open the drawer, his hands shaking so violently he dropped several folders onto the floor.

He found the file marked ’THERON, C.’ He ripped the original, signed contract out of the manila folder. With a pathetic, defeated whimper, he tore the heavy paper in half, then into quarters, letting the pieces fall onto the cheap carpet.

He stumbled back to his desk, grabbed a pen, and scrawled his signature across the bottom of Elias’s forged release waiver.

”Take it,” Barry gasped, sliding the paper across the desk. ”Take her. Just... just get the hell out of my office.”

Elias smoothly picked up the signed waiver, inspecting the signature with clinical satisfaction. He carefully folded the document and slid it into his inner jacket pocket.

He didn’t gloat. He didn’t say another word. He simply turned around and walked out of the office, his posture impeccable.

Charlize followed him out, her legs feeling slightly weak. They walked past the horrified receptionist and out the heavy glass doors, back into the sweltering heat of the San Fernando Valley.

When they hit the sidewalk, the reality of the last five minutes finally crashed over Charlize. She was free. The crushing weight of the debt, the miserable bunk bed, the arrogant threats—it was all gone. Erased by a teenager with a piece of paper and an absolute lack of human empathy.

She stopped walking. Overwhelmed by a sudden, intense surge of adrenaline and profound relief, she lunged forward, throwing her arms around Elias in a tight, desperate hug.

”You did it,” she breathed into his shoulder, her voice thick with emotion. ”You actually bloody did it. You’re a monster, Elias, but you’re a brilliant monster.”

Elias stood perfectly rigid in her embrace. He didn’t hug her back. His face remained completely deadpan, staring straight ahead at the discount mattress store across the street.

”Charlize,” Elias stated, his baritone voice entirely devoid of romantic tension.

”Yeah?” she asked, pulling back slightly, expecting a moment of genuine human connection.

”The duration of this hug is currently bleeding into my billable hours,” Elias informed her shamelessly. ”As your manager, my time is highly valuable. Please be advised that any emotional validation requested beyond this point will be subject to the standard twenty-five percent commission fee.”

Charlize froze. A massive, comedic sweatdrop materialized on her forehead. The emotional climax shattered instantly, replaced by the sheer, absurd reality of dealing with a capitalist psychopath.

She shoved him away, rolling her eyes so hard they nearly fell out of her head. ”You are completely impossible. I hate you.”

”Your hatred is irrelevant, provided it yields a high return on investment,” Elias smirked, adjusting his leather jacket.

Deep within his neural pathways, the system detonated in a shower of golden, digital coins.

[CHA-CHING!]

[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: HOSTILE EXTRACTION COMPLETE.][EVALUATION: YOU SUCCESSFULLY UTILIZED FORGERY, INTIMIDATION, AND TAX CODE BLACKMAIL TO SECURE AN A-LIST ASSET. YOUR SHAMELESSNESS REMAINS UNRIVALED.][REWARD: +30 SHAMELESS POINTS (CP)]

Elias glanced at the bus stop down the street. ”Come along, my exclusive client. We have a Levi’s check to wait for, and I believe the bus is arriving.”

Charlize groaned, trailing after him. She was free, but she was definitely going to have to walk to the top.