Rebirth 1991: Keep the Fame, I'll Take the Royalties

The Bank Queue and The Nepo Baby

The grueling California sun baked the asphalt outside the Zuma Beach parking lot. Elias van Kempen hoisted his duffel bag—now significantly heavier thanks to a strategic raid on the Mervyn’s catering table—and bypassed the line of sleek, air-conditioned production vans.

”Hey, kid! We got a shuttle heading back to West Hollywood!” Greg, the production manager, yelled from the open door of a white van. ”Jump in!”

Elias didn’t even break his stride. ”No thank you, Greg. I prefer public transit. It keeps me grounded.”

In reality, his sociopathic capitalist brain had instantly calculated the trap. If he accepted the ride, Greg, still nursing the wound of being extorted out of five hundred dollars, would absolutely find a way to deduct a ”transportation and logistics fee” from Elias’s final Net-90 paycheck. A true hustler never accepted a free ride if it came with an invisible invoice attached.

Instead, Elias waited forty minutes in the sweltering heat for the public RTD bus. He fed $1.50 in loose coins into the fare box, groaning internally at the capital expenditure, and took a seat in the back. The two-hour ride to Hollywood was an exercise in stoic endurance, surrounded by the scent of stale sweat and the rattling hum of a failing diesel engine.

By the time he pushed open the peeling, faded door of Room 104 at The Pelican Motel, the afternoon heat was oppressive.

He found Paul Rudd sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring blankly at a script for a regional hemorrhoid cream commercial. Paul looked up, his eyes immediately locking onto Elias’s bulging duffel bag.

”Please tell me you didn’t rob a bank,” Paul said, his voice laced with genuine fear. ”Because if you did, I’m claiming I was asleep the whole time.”

Elias smirked. He unzipped the bag and began pulling out the foil-wrapped treasures. He tossed a heavy, artisan roast beef sandwich directly into Paul’s chest.

”I didn’t rob a bank, Paul. I engaged in aggressive nutritional arbitrage,” Elias corrected, sitting on the edge of the bed and unwrapping his own turkey and swiss sandwich. ”The production company over-allocated resources to craft services. I simply rebalanced their portfolio. Eat. Consider it a nutritional dividend.”

Paul didn’t argue. He tore into the sandwich with the desperation of a man who had been calculating the caloric value of tap water. ”Oh my god. This is real cheese. You’re a monster, Elias, but you’re a monster who provides.”

Elias took a measured bite of his sandwich. He was chewing slowly, savoring the fact that he was eating a twelve-dollar meal for exactly zero cents, when the universe decided he was getting too comfortable.

[CHA-CHING!]

The sound was violent enough to make Elias flinch. The retro, green-and-red stock ticker interface of the Shameless Capitalist System materialized in his vision.

[SYSTEM WARNING: DAILY MAINTENANCE FEE DUE.]

[DEDUCTING -$5.00 USD FROM LIQUID CASH RESERVE.]

Elias watched the digital ledger tick down.

[CURRENT LIQUID CASH: $353.50]

Elias sweatdropped. He pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling a long, frustrated breath. The system was a relentless, mechanical loan shark. It didn’t care that he had just stolen a national campaign from a supermodel. It only cared about its daily pound of flesh.

He reached into his jacket pocket, feeling the thick wad of hundred-dollar bills he had extorted from Greg. Carrying this much physical cash in a motel where the doors could be opened with a stiff breeze was a profound liability.

”I need to move capital,” Elias announced, standing up and brushing a crumb off his jeans. ”I cannot operate a holding company out of my left pocket.”

”Where are you going?” Paul asked, his mouth full of roast beef.

”To legitimize my assets,” Elias said, heading for the door. ”Don’t eat the chicken salad. I’m saving that for tomorrow’s dinner.”

Twenty minutes later, Elias walked into a branch of the Bank of America on Melrose Avenue.

The air conditioning inside the bank was broken, creating a stifling, humid atmosphere that smelled of ozone and cheap cologne. A long line of exhausted, working-class customers snaked toward the three open teller windows.

Elias took his place at the back of the line. He didn’t sigh or complain. His mind was too busy analyzing the teller efficiency rate. Window one is processing simple deposits at a rate of 1.2 minutes per customer. Window three is bogged down with a complex wire transfer. Window two is the bottleneck.

He was in the middle of calculating the exact minute he would reach the front when the heavy glass doors of the bank slammed open.

A young man strutted in, bringing with him a cloud of expensive, aggressive aftershave. He was in his late twenties, wearing a tailored, double-breasted gray suit that screamed ’Daddy’s Money’. His hair was slicked back with an offensive amount of gel, and he carried a thick leather briefcase.

He didn’t walk to the back of the line. He didn’t even look at the line. He marched straight past the thirty sweating, exhausted people and walked directly to the closed ’VIP/Corporate Services’ window.

He slammed his hand on the little silver bell.

”Hey, Brenda! Wake up!” the young man shouted, his voice a nasal, grating bray. ”I don’t have all day! I have to close on the Wilshire property by three!”

The exhausted teller at window two looked over, her expression tightening. ”Sir, you need to wait in line. The corporate window is closed.”

”I don’t wait in lines,” the man scoffed, adjusting his Rolex. It was a gold Day-Date, flashy and entirely lacking in subtle taste. ”I’m Richard Sterling Jr. My father owns half the commercial real estate on this block, including the building you’re currently standing in. Open the window.”

A low murmur of anger rippled through the line. The arrogance was suffocating. He was the quintessential Nepo Baby—a creature born on third base who thought he had hit a triple.

Elias watched him. He didn’t feel anger. Anger was an emotional response, and emotions were bad for business. He felt only a cold, clinical sociopathy.

Richard Sterling Jr. pulled out a massive, brick-like cellular phone—a status symbol that cost thousands of dollars in 1991—and extended the antenna. He began shouting into it, completely ignoring the glares of the people around him.

”Yeah, Dad, it’s me. I’m at the bank with the peasants,” Sterling laughed, loud enough for everyone to hear. ”Listen, about that commercial property in Burbank. The one with the struggling theater group? Yeah, triple their rent. If they can’t pay, evict them. We can bulldoze the lot and turn it into a parking structure. It yields ten percent more annually with zero maintenance overhead. Who cares about local theater? It’s dead space.”

Elias’s dark eyes narrowed. He stepped slightly out of line, his towering, 189-centimeter frame turning toward the loud, obnoxious heir. He didn’t say a word. He just stared. It was a cold, absolute silence that slowly began to draw the attention of the room.

Sterling Jr. ended his call and finally noticed the teenager in the faded vintage leather jacket staring at him.

”What are you looking at, kid?” Sterling sneered, looking Elias up and down. ”You lost your way to the soup kitchen? Don’t stare at the suit, you’ll get it dirty.”

Elias didn’t blink. He just continued to hold the silence, letting the sheer, oppressive weight of his presence press down on the older man.

Suddenly, a sound erupted in Elias’s head. It wasn’t the usual, mechanical Cha-Ching! of a daily fee deduction. It was a loud, blaring, almost triumphant siren.

The green-and-red retro interface of the HUD violently materialized, blocking out the rest of the bank.

[SPECIAL SYSTEM MISSION TRIGGERED: THE HOSTILE TAKEOVER]

Elias’s eyes widened slightly. A special mission?

The text scrolled rapidly, the font bold and aggressive.

[TARGET ACQUIRED: RICHARD STERLING JR. (NEPOTISM CLASS: EXTREME)]

[OBJECTIVE: ANNIHILATE TARGET’S EGO AND PUBLIC CREDIBILITY IN EXACTLY THREE SENTENCES USING ONLY FLAWLESS FINANCIAL LOGIC.]

[CONSTRAINT: NO SWEARING. NO THREATS OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. PURE CAPITALIST DESTRUCTION ONLY.]

Elias read the final line of the prompt, and his blood ran cold with sheer, sociopathic thrill.

[REWARD: ACQUISITION OF THE ’STERLING HOLDINGS VULNERABILITY FILE’ – A LEGAL LOOPHOLE GUARANTEEING A 51% HOSTILE TAKEOVER OF HIS FATHER’S COMPANY.]

Elias slowly lowered his head. A dark, terrifying smile curved his lips. The system wasn’t just a loan shark anymore. It was handing him the keys to his first real estate empire, simply for humiliating a spoiled rich kid in public.

Three sentences, Elias thought, his eyes turning back to Richard Sterling Jr., who was now looking visibly uncomfortable under the teenager’s sociopathic stare. I only need one.