My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1375: Chapter 1198: Memories

There are some memories that are impossible to erase from one’s mind.

Some wounds always catch me off guard. Who else can understand the pain I’ve been through?

Zhang Yichen really never thought that his mother would go through such things. He always felt that his parents abandoned him simply because they didn’t love him as their child. But how could he know what his mother had experienced, what kinds of landscapes she had seen along the way? How hard was each step she took? No one knows. He always lives in pain, time and time again. He never truly considered what kind of life he really wanted. He always confuses himself, trying to become the most powerful person in the world. But he never thought that repeated abandonment ultimately caused the greatest pain in his son’s heart. He feels this pain may be something he, as a mother, can’t compensate for in this lifetime. But she truly couldn’t bear it! After all, that’s her own son. As a parent, how can one bear to bury their child’s happiness with their own hands? He keeps recalling the scene when he left home, but there was nothing he could do. He knew this was an outcome he couldn’t change in this lifetime.

”Mom, perhaps you never knew what kind of love I truly wanted in my heart. To you and Dad, it always seemed like I was a bit spoiled, never having suffered. But did you know? The hardships I endured weren’t any less than yours.

You always thought the path you walked was the hardest in life. But have you ever considered what I went through as a child? How were those pains? I’ve walked step by step to where I am today, leaving my footprints one by one. Did you know? During those devilish trainings I went through as a child, I got hurt in other departments while training. When my wounds tore open, the blood flowed down my body, dripping onto my foot and leaving prints on the ground as I walked. Do you know what kind of pain that was? It was a deep-seated agony, a piercing pain that no one else could understand. I always persevered. I never gave up to anyone, nor did I ever surrender or beg for mercy because I understand that only by being strong can you make others bow to you forever. If you only know how to beg for mercy continuously, why should others listen to you repeatedly and give you chances to surpass them?

Since that time, I silently vowed in my heart that I would never ask for help from anyone in this lifetime. I want to rely on my efforts and climb to the peak of life step by step. I want all people to submit to me and to accompany me eternally, never having any way to leave me because they need to earn money under me. I would be able to provide them with a prosperous life, as they can only rely on the wages I give them to support their families. How proud I would be at that time! And because of this, I’ve been desperately running forward, never bowing my head to look at the scars I once had. Only after succeeding did I realize all the hardships I’d previously endured.

Looking back now, all the suffering I once endured really isn’t anything, because now I live smoother and wealthier than anyone else. But no one knows what kind of answers I have obtained before.

Likewise, I never thought that my mother would walk this path too. How much I long for you to live happily. Even if you abandoned me back then, I still regard you as my dearest mom, because you gave me life. At the very least, I understand gratitude. Without you, how could I exist, and without me, how would my current self be?

Actually, the hardships my parents endured are no less than mine. Your childhood is really similar to mine. When you were in your most painful times, you had each other for comfort and company, while I had to endure all the pain alone.

Because I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t let my grandpa know either. If grandpa knew, he would be very sad and heartbroken. He never wanted me to suffer any harm, loving and spoiling me as if I were a treasure, giving me everything I wanted. But I can’t do that. I have to earn everything I want through my efforts. Only then it would be eternal. If I get what I want by relying on my grandpa, then if one day my grandpa leaves me, wouldn’t those things disappear with him as well? I am truly afraid that only things obtained through my own hands are truly eternal. I only want what I most desire, and I’ve already achieved it. I’ve met all my demands, so now I have no regrets. If one day, like my grandpa, I suddenly leave this world for another realm, I wouldn’t be sad at all, because I’ve given my wife an affluent life. The only thing I didn’t give her was my most crucial companionship in this lifetime. I really wish time could turn back. If time could roll back a little, wouldn’t I be so happy? If that were the case, in my childhood, I would definitely take good care of my body and not allow myself to suffer so much pain.

Sometimes when I recall the blood I shed in the past, I feel horrified—why was there so much blood? And all that blood flowed from my own body. How painful it must have been! At that time, I was already numb from the pain. No matter how severe the pain was throughout my body, I had no sensation. I only knew that by training desperately, enduring my pains would make everything more beautiful!”

”Child, I’m sorry. Your father and I never thought your life was so painful. All your suffering is what we, as parents, inflicted on you. Do you know? I also want you to be happy, but ultimately because of our actions, we ended up hurting you. If you truly hate us, we can promise not to disturb your life anymore in this lifetime. You can live quietly, but I just want to silently follow you in the background, keeping an eye on you, our own son. We want you to be happy and peaceful for your entire life.”

Some love is like a flower falling with intention while the flowing water remains indifferent. Some relationships will have an ending if persisted upon. However, some emotions may not necessarily have an outcome even if persisted on.