Rebirth 1991: Keep the Fame, I'll Take the Royalties

The Empress Audit

Mid-August 1993. The third week of principal photography for Se7en had relocated from the heavily controlled environment of Sovereign Studios to the unforgiving, sun-baked asphalt of Downtown Los Angeles.

The production unit was currently parked outside a decaying, seven-story brick apartment building. It was a miserable structure, its windows crusted with decades of smog, the fire escapes rusting into jagged red flakes. It was the perfect aesthetic for the film’s infamous ”Sloth” sequence.

It was also, currently, completely inaccessible.

Elias van Kempen stood near the catering truck, wearing a crisp, charcoal button-down with the sleeves casually rolled up. He wasn’t looking at the locked iron gates of the building. He was looking at the woman who had just stepped out of a black town car.

Charlize Theron.

At eighteen, she was a terrifyingly perfect execution of genetic superiority. Standing nearly six feet tall, she possessed a glacial, unyielding beauty that commanded the absolute submission of everyone in her immediate radius. She wore a simple white silk blouse, tailored high-waisted trousers, and a pair of dark, angular designer sunglasses that made her look less like an actress and more like an assassin on a lunch break.

Paul Rudd and Owen Wilson, holding a tray of lukewarm coffees, stopped dead in their tracks.

”Oh my god,” Paul whispered, genuinely terrified. ”Who is that? Is she here to kill us?”

”That’s bad karma, man,” Owen muttered, slowly backing away. ”She looks like she eats the souls of struggling screenwriters for breakfast.”

Elias smirked, walking smoothly past his panicked assistants to meet her.

”You are overdressed for a murder scene, Charlie,” Elias greeted casually, slipping seamlessly into his street-smart, playboy persona. He leaned in, offering a brief, entirely shameless kiss on her cheek.

Charlize lowered her sunglasses, her piercing green eyes locking onto his with absolute, terrifying parity. She didn’t blush. She wasn’t intimidated by his God-Tier aura. She had met him when they were both broke, ruthless, and violently ambitious in a Hollywood bank. She knew exactly what kind of monster he was.

”And you are underfunded for a producer,” Charlize shot back, a perfectly savage, aristocratic smile touching her lips. ”I saw your assistant crying over a cable spool yesterday. Are you starving them, Elias?”

”I am building character,” Elias corrected smoothly, offering her his arm. ”Besides, you are not here to audit my human resources. You are here because you missed me.”

”I am here because my fitting for 2 Days in the Valley was canceled, and I wanted to see if your little indie movie was actually a tax write-off,” Charlize replied, linking her arm through his. ”So far, it looks like a tax write-off.”

Their chemistry was effortless, dripping with cynical, mutual respect. They were Partners-in-Crime, two apex predators operating on a completely different frequency from the rest of the world.

Before Elias could offer a witty rebuttal, Paul sprinted over, his face pale and slick with sweat.

”Elias! We have a massive problem!” Paul gasped, pointing frantically at the iron gates of the apartment building. ”Henderson—the landlord—he locked the gates! Fincher and Brad Pitt are sitting in the van, and they are losing their minds! We’re losing daylight!”

Elias’s casual, playboy demeanor vanished instantly. The Bunglon shifted. The CEO Mafia took the wheel.

”Why are the gates locked, Paul?” Elias asked, his baritone voice dropping into a lethal, glacial register.

”He’s extorting us!” Paul whimpered. ”Henderson heard that Brad Pitt was the lead actor. He’s claiming that our production poses an ’unforeseen structural liability’ to his property. He wants twenty thousand dollars in cash, right now, as a ’Hazard Insurance Deposit,’ or he’s canceling our location permit!”

Charlize raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, looking at Elias. ”Twenty grand? You don’t have twenty grand.”

”I have nearly half a million dollars in liquid cash, Charlie,” Elias corrected coldly, his eyes locking onto the greasy, overweight man standing behind the iron gates, looking thoroughly smug. ”But I would rather burn this entire city to the ground before I let a slumlord steal twenty cents from my ledger.”

Elias turned to Charlize, his dark eyes analyzing her icy, aristocratic aesthetic. The sociopathic gears in his brain rapidly assembled a Win-Win Parasite.

”Charlie,” Elias murmured, pulling a pair of highly expensive, minimalist black frames from his breast pocket and handing them to her. ”Put these on. Do you remember how to speak Afrikaans?”

Charlize took the glasses, a slow, incredibly wicked smile spreading across her face. She instantly recognized the hustle. ”Fluently. Who am I ruining today?”

”You are the sole heiress and senior auditor of the European Investment Syndicate that is funding this film,” Elias dictated, his voice a low, thrilling command. ”You are incredibly wealthy. You are deeply impatient. And you view American slumlords as biological waste. I need you to crush his ego into dust while I audit his life.”

”Consider him dusted,” Charlize purred, slipping the glasses on. The transformation was instantaneous. She was no longer a supermodel. She was an Empress of capital.

Elias and Charlize walked toward the iron gates, flanked by a terrified Paul Rudd.

Henderson, a man in a cheap polyester suit with a cigar stub clamped between his teeth, grinned as they approached.

”Unless you got a briefcase with twenty large in it, pretty boy, you ain’t coming in,” Henderson sneered. ”My building, my rules.”

Elias didn’t answer. He simply stepped aside.

Charlize stepped forward. She looked down at Henderson with an expression of such profound, aristocratic disgust that the landlord physically took a half-step back.

”Wat is hierdie gemors?” Charlize snapped in sharp, flawless Afrikaans, her voice echoing with pure, old-money disdain. She turned to Elias, not even looking at Henderson. ”Is dit die tipe insekte waarmee jy sake doen, Elias? Hierdie plek is ’n skande.” (What is this garbage? Is this the type of insect you do business with, Elias? This place is a disgrace.)

Henderson blinked, completely thrown off guard by the foreign language and the sheer, overwhelming intimidation radiating from the incredibly beautiful woman. ”Uh... what did she say? Who is she?”

”This is Ms. Van Der Bilt,” Elias introduced flawlessly, his voice devoid of any warmth. ”She represents the European Syndicate holding the primary debt on this production. She flew in from Geneva this morning to audit our location expenditures. She is asking why I am attempting to do business with an ’insect’.”

Henderson sweatdropped. He was a street-smart LA landlord, but he had zero experience dealing with actual, terrifying European conglomerates.

”Look, lady,” Henderson stammered, trying to regain his footing. ”I just need my hazard insurance. Twenty grand. It’s standard procedure for a high-risk shoot.”

”Stilte,” Charlize ordered, her voice cutting through the air like a whip. (Silence.)

She stepped closer to the gate, glaring at Henderson from behind her dark lenses. ”I do not care about your petty extortion schemes. We are investing millions. Open the gate, or I will instruct my legal department to bury you under so much litigation your grandchildren will be paying our court fees.”

Henderson swallowed hard, his confidence shattering. He reached into his briefcase to pull out his original location contract to defend himself.

It was all the opening Elias needed.

[SYSTEM SHOP ACCESSED.][ACTIVATING: CORPORATE X-RAY SCAN][COST: -10 CP][CURRENT BALANCE: 345 CP]

[CHA-CHING!]

The world snapped into radioactive red. Elias bypassed the cheap suit and locked directly onto the chaotic stack of manila folders inside Henderson’s briefcase. The system’s forensic algorithms ripped through the data, projecting the dark, unsanitized reality of the landlord’s finances directly into Elias’s retinas.

[SCAN COMPLETE. THREAT ANALYSIS: THE TARGET IS HARBORING CATASTROPHIC STRUCTURAL AND FINANCIAL LIABILITIES.][VULNERABILITY 1: THE TARGET IS CURRENTLY IN THE FINAL STAGES OF A $2 MILLION COMMERCIAL REFINANCE LOAN WITH PACIFIC GUARANTY BANK.] [VULNERABILITY 2: THE BUILDING IS IN SEVERE VIOLATION OF MULTIPLE COMMERCIAL ZONING CODES. THE SUB-BASEMENT LOAD-BEARING PILLARS ARE FATALLY COMPROMISED. A MUNICIPAL INSPECTION WOULD RESULT IN IMMEDIATE CONDEMNATION AND THE CANCELLATION OF THE REFINANCE LOAN.]

Elias’s eyes turned into absolute voids of icy, sociopathic joy. The red overlay vanished.

The landlord wasn’t holding the cards. He was standing on a landmine.

Elias mentally engaged the daily maintenance.

[SYSTEM WARNING: DAILY MAINTENANCE FEE DEDUCTION INITIATED.][DEDUCTING -$50.00 USD FROM LIQUID CASH RESERVE.]

His cash dropped to $497,850.00. He didn’t care. He was about to print money.

”Enough, Ms. Van Der Bilt. Allow me,” Elias murmured smoothly, stepping in front of Charlize. He looked at Henderson, returning to the absolute, unyielding Mode CEO Mafia.

”I am not going to pay you twenty thousand dollars, Henderson,” Elias dictated, his voice a low, terrifying hum. ”In fact, you are going to pay me.”

Henderson laughed nervously, clutching his briefcase. ”Pay you? Are you crazy, kid?”

Elias executed the Reverse Ransom with the surgical precision of an executioner.

”You are currently attempting to refinance this decaying structure for two million dollars through Pacific Guaranty Bank,” Elias stated, utilizing the Information Arbitrage flawlessly. ”The bank appraiser is scheduled to conduct their final walkthrough next Tuesday.”

Henderson stopped laughing. His face went chalk-white. A massive, highly visible sweatdrop materialized on his forehead. ”How... how do you know about Pacific Guaranty?”

”Ms. Van Der Bilt’s syndicate owns a significant stake in Pacific Guaranty,” Elias lied seamlessly, maintaining the Fake Syndicate bluff. ”We audited your profile. And we found that your sub-basement load-bearing pillars are critically compromised. You are in severe violation of California commercial zoning codes.”

Henderson stumbled back, gripping the iron gate. The teenager wasn’t a producer. He was an apex predator holding the detonation switch to his entire financial life.

”If you deny my production access today,” Elias continued, his voice cold and merciless (The Stick), ”I will file a formal complaint with the City Planning Department citing unsafe filming conditions. They will send a municipal inspector tomorrow morning. The building will be condemned. Pacific Guaranty will cancel your two-million-dollar loan. And you will be bankrupt before the weekend.”

Henderson was hyperventilating. His eyes darted between Elias’s dead stare and Charlize’s terrifying, aristocratic silence.

”Please,” Henderson choked out, his greed completely replaced by absolute panic. ”Please, don’t call the city. If I lose that loan, I lose everything.”

Elias tilted his head, instantly deploying the Win-Win Parasite (The Carrot).

”I have no interest in your bankruptcy, Henderson. I only care about my shooting schedule,” Elias murmured. ”If you open that gate, my production design team will build a reinforced, structural faux-wall in your sub-basement to support our heavy lighting rigs.”

Elias leaned in close to the iron bars.

”That faux-wall will perfectly conceal your structural decay from the bank appraiser next week,” Elias smiled, a dark, incredibly shameless expression. ”We will literally save your two-million-dollar loan. But I am not running a charity.”

Elias held out his hand.

”Sovereign Media will require a Property Construction and Consultation Fee,” Elias demanded softly. ”Five thousand dollars. In cash. Right now.”

Henderson stared at the outstretched hand. His brain, wired for absolute survival, rapidly ran the numbers.

If he refused, he lost two million dollars and went bankrupt. If he paid the teenager five grand, he got a free, expertly built fake wall that would trick the bank and secure his loan. It was the most predatory, brilliant extortion he had ever witnessed.

Henderson didn’t argue. He didn’t complain. Driven entirely by his own rational greed and terror, he frantically popped open his briefcase, pulled out five thick stacks of hundred-dollar bills from his slush fund, and shoved them through the iron gate into Elias’s waiting hand.

”Take it,” Henderson sweatdropped, his hands shaking as he unlocked the massive iron gates. ”Just build the wall. And please, don’t tell the bank.”

”A highly rational decision,” Elias praised smoothly, handing the $5,000 to a completely paralyzed, weeping Paul Rudd. ”Paul, log that into the production accounts as ’Location Subsidization’. And tell Fincher the set is secure.”

As Paul sprinted away to alert the crew, clutching the cash like it was a holy relic, Charlize took off the dark sunglasses.

She looked at Elias, a slow, incredibly genuine smile of pure admiration breaking across her beautiful face.

”You didn’t just get the location for free,” Charlize murmured, shaking her head. ”You charged him rent to use his own building. You are a complete, utter savage, Elias.”

”I am a fiduciary, Charlie,” Elias corrected, offering her his arm again, returning instantly to his casual, street-smart playboy persona. ”Now, let’s go watch Brad Pitt pretend to be a detective. I hear the catering today is exceptional.”

”It better be,” Charlize laughed, linking her arm through his as they walked through the open gates. ”You owe me a five-star dinner for that performance.”

”I will put it on Paul’s corporate card,” Elias promised shamelessly.

Deep within his mind, the digital system erupted in a deafening, golden chorus of supreme adulation.

[CHA-CHING!][SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: THE REAL ESTATE REVERSE-HEIST EXECUTED WITH GOD-TIER, PARASITIC RUTHLESSNESS!][EVALUATION: YOU X-RAYED A SLUMLORD, DEPLOYED YOUR EMPRESS AS A PSYCHOLOGICAL WEAPON, AND WEAPONIZED A ZONING VIOLATION TO EXTORT CASH FROM A MAN TRYING TO EXTORT YOU. NO MAGIC. NO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. JUST PURE, UNADULTERATED CAPITALIST DECIMATION. THE SYSTEM IS BOWING IN REVERENCE.][REWARD: +15 SHAMELESS POINTS (CP) DEPOSITED.]

Elias smiled. His CP balanced at 360 points. His liquid cash had grown. The empire was thriving.