Rebirth 1991: Keep the Fame, I'll Take the Royalties

The Hostile Audition

Mid-March in Amsterdam was unforgiving. The canals were a dark, freezing, slate gray, and the wind cutting through the narrow cobblestone streets carried a bitter, wet chill that seemed to bypass fabric entirely, sinking directly into the marrow of the bones.

Elias van Kempen, the Managing Partner of a multinational media conglomerate and the holder of a music catalog worth hundreds of millions of dollars, stood outside a small, fogged-up bakery window on the Herengracht.

He was currently experiencing a physical sensation he had carefully engineered his entire second life to avoid.

He was functionally broke.

He was not hypothetically broke, nor was he navigating a temporary cash-flow diversion. The Dutch municipal government had legally vaporized his liquid cash reserves, leaving him with an operational budget of precisely $110,570.00. That sum was a fortune to a civilian, but for a capitalist predator actively maintaining a hundred-million-dollar global infrastructure, paying daily system extortion fees, and managing an apex-tier Hollywood talent roster, it was the equivalent of counting pennies in a storm drain.

”I can’t feel my fingers, Elias,” Paul Rudd whimpered, his teeth chattering uncontrollably as he huddled deeper into his desperately thin trench coat. ”My nervous system is shutting down to conserve heat. I am going to die in a European alleyway, and the last thing I’m going to see is a bicycle.”

Owen Wilson blew into his cupped hands, looking at the bakery window with hollow, hungry eyes. ”You know, man, monks fast for weeks in the Himalayas to achieve spiritual clarity. But I feel like my aura is just slowly digesting my stomach lining. A warm croissant would really align my chakras right now.”

Elias sighed, a sharp puff of white vapor escaping his lips. Capital inefficiency was a sin, but starving his logistics team would only lead to a drop in operational productivity.

He pushed open the heavy wooden door to the bakery. The bell chimed brightly, offering a brief respite of warmth. Elias completely bypassed the glass display cases filled with artisanal, buttery pastries and fresh stroopwafels. He walked directly to a small, discounted basket in the corner.

He picked out three thick, dense, heavily discounted loaves of day-old rye bread that felt heavy enough to be used as construction materials. He added three small cups of black coffee to the order.

He handed the cashier a twenty-dollar bill, his jaw tightening as the change was returned in local currency.

Almost simultaneously, the digital loan shark inside his mind awoke to collect its daily pound of flesh, completely unsympathetic to his geographic suffering.

[CHA-CHING!][DEDUCTING -$15.00 USD FOR TACTICAL CARBOHYDRATE ACQUISITION.][SYSTEM WARNING: DAILY MAINTENANCE FEE DEDUCTION INITIATED.][DEDUCTING -$50.00 USD FROM LIQUID CASH RESERVE.]

Elias suppressed the phantom sting in his ledger. He handed the rock-hard bread and steaming coffee to Paul and Owen.

”Eat. Chew slowly,” Elias instructed, his baritone voice a smooth, unbothered purr. ”It creates the illusion of volume. The heavy grains will provide sustained caloric energy for the morning’s operational requirements.”

Paul stared at the dark, brick-like loaf in his trembling hands. He took a hesitant bite. A loud, audible CRACK echoed in the quiet street.

Paul pulled the bread away, tears welling in his eyes. ”My teeth are actively retreating into my gums, Elias,” he sobbed quietly. ”I am chewing on a fossil. We are executives of Sovereign Media! We have a private corner office in Los Angeles! Why are we eating leftover bird food in the freezing cold? What is the logistical pipeline here? Are we going to swim back to California?”

”We are going to generate immediate, localized capital,” Elias stated, taking a slow, elegant sip of the scalding, bitter coffee. His dark, predatory eyes scanned the busy street across from the bakery.

His gaze locked onto a sleek, modern glass-fronted building. A steady stream of stressed, impeccably dressed European advertising executives were sprinting in and out of the revolving doors, yelling rapidly in Dutch and English into brick-sized cellular phones. The polished brass plaque on the building read: Vanderbilt & Co. Creative Agency.

”An agency in a state of visible, synchronized panic,” Elias murmured, his lips curving into a devastating, purely shameless smile. ”That is the scent of a desperate profit margin. Come, gentlemen. You are about to earn your breakfast.”

”Elias, no,” Paul whimpered, clutching his jaw. ”You can’t just walk into a random Dutch ad agency and demand money! They don’t know who you are! They’ll call the police!”

”They will call me a savior, Paul,” Elias corrected flawlessly. ”Assume the perimeter. Project exclusivity.”

Elias pushed through the revolving doors of the agency, instantly dominating the frantic, chaotic energy of the lobby with his heavy, aristocratic aura. He moved with the effortless, liquid grace of a runway god, parting the sea of stressed assistants and panicked interns.

He bypassed the receptionist entirely, ignoring her frantic shouts of ”Meneer! You cannot go back there!”

He strode purposefully down the main corridor, heading straight toward the loudest voice in the building.

In the center of the agency’s open-plan bullpen, a middle-aged advertising director with thinning hair and a wildly disheveled designer suit was currently having a spectacular, highly audible meltdown. His name tag read Hans. He was screaming at an art director while aggressively waving a thick red folder in the air.

”Disaster! It is a complete and total disaster!” Hans shrieked, clutching his head in sheer agony. ”The Italian model missed his connection in Milan! He is stranded! We have a global catalog launch for the spring apparel line in three hours, the photographer is billing us by the minute, and we have no face! If we miss the printing deadline, the client will void the entire contract!”

Elias stopped exactly three feet away from the screaming director. He didn’t introduce himself. He didn’t hand over a comp card or a portfolio. He simply stood there, slipping his hands into the pockets of his vintage leather jacket, projecting an aura of overwhelming, blinding male beauty and cold, corporate superiority.

Hans slowly stopped yelling. He turned around, his chest heaving.

The director’s eyes widened to comical proportions as he took in Elias’s flawless, glass-cutting jawline, his towering 189-centimeter V-Taper frame, and the sheer, intimidating weight of his presence. To a desperate advertising executive, Elias looked like a golden parachute sent straight from the heavens.

”My... my god,” Hans breathed, the red folder slipping slightly in his sweaty grip. ”You. Who are you? Are you represented? You are perfect. You are exactly the global aesthetic we need to save the campaign!”

Elias ignored the flattery. Flattery did not pay for first-class trans-Atlantic flights. He needed to audit the desperation to calculate his maximum extortion limit.

He mentally engaged the digital loan shark.

[SYSTEM SHOP ACCESSED.][ACTIVATING: CORPORATE X-RAY SCAN][COST: -10 CP][CURRENT BALANCE: 170 CP]

[CHA-CHING!]

A radioactive-red, translucent grid snapped over Hans, cutting through his designer suit and locking directly onto the red folder in his hand. The system’s forensic algorithms instantly decrypted the client memo, pulling the hidden financial data into Elias’s vision.

[SCAN COMPLETE. THREAT ANALYSIS: CRITICAL CONTRACT TERMINATION.][VULNERABILITY: THE CLIENT, A MASS-MARKET RETAIL CONGLOMERATE (FAST FASHION), HAS ISSUED A 12:00 PM ULTIMATUM. IF THE AGENCY DOES NOT SECURE AN INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED FACE TO ELEVATE THEIR SUB-PAR GARMENTS TODAY, THE $3.5 MILLION DOLLAR ACCOUNT WILL BE LIQUIDATED IMMEDIATELY.]

Elias let the overlay fade back into reality. The red grid vanished, leaving only the terrified, sweating director.

Elias stepped forward, his dark eyes locking onto Hans with a gaze so intense and unapologetic it made the older man instinctively swallow hard.

”I am Elias van Kempen,” Elias purred, his baritone voice a silken, manipulative caress that effortlessly silenced the surrounding bullpen. ”My face currently occupies a sixty-foot billboard in Times Square for Calvin Klein. I can save your campaign, Hans. I will grant you a one-day, non-exclusive geographic license to my likeness.”

Hans practically wept with relief, throwing his hands in the air. ”Yes! Yes, Mr. van Kempen! Thank God! You are a miracle! Our standard catalog day rate is two thousand euros. We can wire the funds on a Net-90—”

”I do not work on a ninety-day cycle for fast fashion,” Elias interrupted seamlessly, his smile turning sharp and utterly merciless. He completely invaded the director’s personal space. ”And I certainly do not work for two thousand euros. My fee is twenty-five thousand dollars. In American currency. In a physical briefcase. Delivered to me before I step in front of your photographer.”

The entire bullpen went dead silent. You could hear a pin drop on the carpet.

Paul Rudd, standing near the doorway, let out a quiet, terrified squeal, hiding his face behind his clipboard.

Hans’s jaw dropped. A massive sweatdrop rolled down his forehead, dripping onto the lapel of his suit. ”Twenty-five thousand dollars?! Mr. van Kempen, paying cash upfront violates every agency protocol on the continent! We don’t have that much physical currency in the vault! That is extortion!”

Elias leaned in, radiating pure, unadulterated capitalist dominance. He didn’t yell. He executed the psychological kill shot with chilling elegance.

”Agency protocols will not save you from bankruptcy when your primary client liquidates their three-and-a-half-million-dollar account at noon today, Hans,” Elias whispered flawlessly, twisting the knife. He glanced down at the red folder in Hans’s trembling hand. ”My face is currently the most heavily syndicated asset in American fashion. If you want that face to sell your client’s itchy, mass-produced sweaters, go to the bank right now. Twenty-five thousand dollars. Cash. Or I will walk out of this door and let your agency collapse into dust.”

Hans stared at the teenager. He was completely, utterly outgunned. The kid wasn’t just a model; he was a corporate terrorist who somehow knew the exact, classified valuation of their jeopardized account. But the kid was right. The twenty-five-thousand-dollar ransom was a microscopic fraction of the millions they would lose if the client walked.

With a tragic, agonizing groan of a man whose profit margin had just been violently hijacked, Hans turned to a terrified accountant standing nearby.

”Get the CFO,” Hans choked out, his voice cracking. ”Tell him to empty the emergency petty cash vault and send someone to the currency exchange. Now! We are shooting in forty-five minutes!”

Elias offered a slow, aristocratic nod. ”A flawless logistical decision.”

Forty-five minutes later, Elias van Kempen sat in a brightly lit, sterile dressing room.

On the makeup table in front of him rested a sleek, silver aluminum briefcase. Elias smoothly popped the dual latches. The briefcase snapped open, revealing perfectly banded, crisp stacks of American hundred-dollar bills.

Exactly twenty-five thousand dollars.

It was a brilliant, highly successful extortion. The pain of the freezing morning and the stale bread evaporated, replaced by the profound, intoxicating warmth of pure, untraceable liquid capital.

Deep within his neural pathways, the system chimed its enthusiastic approval.

[CHA-CHING!][SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: THE HOSTILE AUDITION HACK EXECUTED WITH MAXIMUM SOCIOPATHY!][EVALUATION: YOU WALKED INTO A FOREIGN ADVERTISING AGENCY, X-RAYED THEIR DESPAIR, AND HELD A THREE-MILLION-DOLLAR ACCOUNT HOSTAGE FOR A SUITCASE FULL OF CASH. YOU ARE A SHAMELESS PREDATOR. THE SYSTEM BOWS.][REWARD: +15 SHAMELESS POINTS (CP) DEPOSITED.]

Elias felt his CP balance stabilize at 185. His war chest was replenished. He snapped the briefcase shut.

”See, Paul?” Elias murmured smoothly, turning to his shivering assistant. ”The universe rewards those who refuse to wait for a paycheck.”

Before Paul could formulate a response about the sheer illegality of what had just occurred, the door to the dressing room swung open.

The wardrobe assistant wheeled in a heavy metal clothing rack.

”Mr. van Kempen, your garments for the shoot,” the assistant smiled brightly, stepping aside.

Elias van Kempen turned his head to look at the clothes he had just sold his soul to wear.

The victorious, arrogant smile vanished instantly from his striking face, replaced by a look of absolute, unadulterated horror.

The Reality Filter of European fast-fashion had just arrived.