Peerless Bodyguard of a Stunning Beauty

After the assistant got his hands on the mouse weapon, he immediately aimed at a nearby tree and clicked the right button, firing a silver needle.

As he fired, the assistant thought to himself, Since this mouse weapon’s silver needle has a range of 800 meters underwater, its power on land must be even greater. Its range should be farther, and its penetration stronger... After all, air resistance is far, far less than water resistance...

But, to the assistant’s surprise, when he clicked the right button and fired the silver needle, it fell to the ground before traveling even half a meter. It was as if it had no killing power, no force, and no range at all.

Seeing this, the assistant was completely dumbfounded. He frowned, scratching the back of his head as he looked at the weapon in his hand. ”Brother Zhao Rong,” he said, ”did the seller scam you? Didn’t you say this thing could shoot needles a long way? It can reach 800 meters underwater, so how can it just drop to the ground on land? Is this some kind of joke?”

After speaking, the assistant thought, Weapons are no laughing matter... If this thing is a fake, we could end up paying with our lives when we go underwater to deal with those strange fish...

Seeing the assistant’s doubt, Zhao Rong immediately explained, ”You don’t understand, Assistant. This mouse weapon was designed specifically for underwater combat. That’s why its range can reach 800 meters in the water, thanks to both water resistance and buoyancy. But on land, in the air, there’s very little resistance, so its range is drastically reduced.”

Although the assistant didn’t understand the principles of physics behind it, he still decided to put the mouse into the water and fire a shot to see just how powerful it really was.

The assistant placed the mouse into the water and gently clicked the right button. He expected it to feel as light and effortless as the mouse he used for gaming, completely harmless. But what he didn’t expect was that when he clicked the mouse underwater, there was a sudden BANG! It came with a strong recoil, and the silver needle shot out, rocketing into the depths and kicking up a huge wave.

When the assistant saw how powerful the mouse weapon was underwater, he was overjoyed. ”Brother Zhao Rong, I never would have thought this weapon would be so potent in the water...”

Before the assistant could finish, an old tortoise surfaced. ”Damn it!” it yelled in agony while crawling toward the shore. ”Which blind idiot stabbed a needle into the water? It went right into my ass!”

With that, the old tortoise limped out of the water. When the assistant and Zhao Rong saw that this old tortoise had actually cultivated into a Turtle Hermit, they were stunned speechless.

Zhao Rong sized up the Turtle Hermit before him. ”Old Tortoise, are you a person or a tortoise?”

Sitting on the ground, the Old Tortoise winced as he pulled the silver needle from his butt. ”Damn it, I’m an old tortoise, obviously...”

Hearing the being with a shell on its back claim to be an old tortoise, Zhao Rong swallowed hard. ”Old Tortoise,” he said, his voice filled with astonishment, ”if you’re a tortoise, why do you look like a person? You have a head, arms, and hands... and that bulging thing between your legs is pretty big...”

Hearing Zhao Rong’s words, the Old Tortoise, who had cultivated into a Turtle Hermit, hurriedly covered his private parts with both hands. ”Damn it!” he said awkwardly. ”I, this Old Tortoise, have been in this lake for 800 years since becoming a Turtle Hermit. In all that time, I’ve never mated, not even once. Never even had an erection... But who would have known! Some blind fool had to go and stick a silver needle in my ass, and it hit my pleasure spot! It made me stand bolt upright!”

Hearing this, Zhao Rong couldn’t help but chuckle. ”Holy crap, Old Tortoise, I admire your self-control! As a man, to endure 800 years without mating... you’re a true wonder of the world.”

The assistant chimed in, equally impressed, ”Old Tortoise, I’m truly in awe. If I went 800 years without mating, I’d probably get prostate problems from holding it in and die a painful death...”

After speaking, the assistant chuckled to himself, Even though I don’t have a woman... I have videos on my phone. I head to the bathroom twice a week to take care of business. That’s how I release my inner desires so I don’t have to agonize over that stuff every day...

Embarrassed by their words, the Old Tortoise said, ”We’re all men here. Even though I’m 800 years old... I still have to... relieve myself... several times a year. Otherwise, I’d die from the pressure!”

When the assistant and Zhao Rong heard that the enlightened Turtle Hermit also had to relieve himself, they both stumbled and fell to the ground. A realization dawned on them as they said, ”I can’t believe even a spirit-like Turtle Hermit has to do that... It seems when God created men, he really hardwired it into us. If a man doesn’t pass on his genes, doesn’t try to spread his DNA, doesn’t do *that thing* to release his inner fire... there’s just no getting by...”

Just then, the Old Tortoise finally yanked the silver needle out of his butt and threw it on the ground. He glared at Zhao Rong and the assistant. ”Was it you two? Did you drop a needle from the surface and stick it in my ass?”

Zhao Rong glanced at the assistant, suppressing a laugh. ”Old Tortoise, I really don’t know who pricked you with a needle.”

The assistant also feigned ignorance. ”No idea. Who would be so bored they’d go around sticking needles in an old tortoise’s butt? That’s just too twisted, right?”

Listening to their denials, the Old Tortoise sighed in frustration. ”Damn it, I’d just made up my mind. I was going to leave this murderous sandstorm, go out into the human world, and find a female turtle to mate with... But now some asshole has stabbed me in the butt with a silver needle. Looks like that plan is down the drain...”