Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Captain of the “Silent Watch” Order of Knights, serving directly under the throne of the Queen of Silvermoon Forest.

This long string of titles sounded as if every syllable were carved from frost, exuding a nobility and might that warned all others to keep their distance.

But Celeste’s focus always had a way of landing on the unconventional.

Her mind was already spinning, but her expression remained a carefully constructed mask of polite, distant curiosity. She ventured a question, her tone deceptively mild.

“The ‘Silent Watch’… what a meaningful name. I wonder, Your Excellency, is your duty simply to observe everything happening in this canyon quietly, as you were doing just now?”

The question was phrased with perfect courtesy, but the subtext was three simple words: ‘So, you were just watching?’The Stout Captain, who had just managed to retrieve his mountain-splitting axe, stumbled and nearly dropped the massive weapon all over again.’Big sister!’he screamed internally.’Is your mouth cursed or something? How do you always manage to pick the single most provocative thing to say?!’

Even Su Wan’s composure nearly crumbled. She found herself feeling a strange, grudging admiration for Celeste’s uncanny ability to zero in on the most absurd aspects of any situation, even a life-or-death standoff.

Eldara’s scarlet eyes fixed on Celeste, but there wasn’t the slightest ripple of emotion on a face that seemed to have been frozen for an eternity.

“My duty is to observe and record everything that happens here.”

“Until the ‘Final Agreement’ is torn, I do not actively intervene in any disputes.”

Her voice remained as cold and aloof as a winter wind, utterly devoid of feeling.

“The fact that you were able to purge this undead trash saved me some trouble. For that, I should thank you.”

“It was nothing, Your Excellency. No thanks are necessary,” Celeste replied with a slight nod, her posture neither servile nor overbearing.

From behind, Selene frantically tugged at her sister’s sleeve, her eyes wide with protest. ‘Sister! What do you mean it was nothing?! If you hadn’t suddenly gone supernova, we would have been team-wiped and kicked out of the instance!’

“However,” Eldara’s voice shifted, and that cold, oppressive weight settled over the air once more. “Your appearance, and the power you have displayed, have already exceeded the expected intensity of the disputes in this region.”

“To prevent you from making the wrong choices out of ignorance, I deemed it necessary to come and ‘inform’ you.”

“Inform us?” Celeste raised an eyebrow, her tone growing cautious. “We’re just passing through and have no intention of getting involved in any local squabbles. What advice could you possibly have for us?”

“I am here precisely to inform you that the root cause of this so-called ‘war’ is not what you imagine, and there is absolutely no reason for you to intervene.”

In Eldara’s tone, there was a hint of something incredibly subtle… helplessness?

‘Here we go,’ Celeste thought.

She, Selene, Su Wan, Xia Lian, and even the Stout Captain—who had just barely recovered from the critical hit to his senses—all perked up their ears.

After the gauntlet of insanity they’d run from the tavern to the caravan and then to the city gate, their expectations for the “truth” had cratered to rock bottom. They were basically just waiting for the punchline.

Eldara seemed oblivious to the strange anticipation in their eyes and continued in her unique, rhythmic cadence.

“It did not arise from disputes over territory, resources, or hatred.”

She spoke slowly, deliberately.

“In essence, this is a conflict… sparked by a case of royal theft.”

“A theft case?”

The four of them, led by Celeste, exchanged bewildered glances.

The cause of a war… was theft? What could possibly have been stolen that would be worth a kingdom spilling blood over?

“Yes, a theft case,” Eldara confirmed.

She paused for a moment, as if the next words were a great burden to speak, but a knight’s loyalty compelled her to carry out her orders.

“Several months ago, Prince Alex and Princess Liliane of the human kingdom, at the invitation of Her Majesty the Queen, traveled to Silvermoon Forest for an official diplomatic visit.”

The beginning sounded normal enough.

“During their stay, the prince and princess, accompanied by elven scholars, toured some of the public areas of the Silvermoon City library.”

Standard diplomatic protocol. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“However, one afternoon, driven by… curiosity, the prince and princess wandered deep into the library, into a forbidden section clearly marked as the ‘Historical Archive Storage Area’ and protected by a powerful barrier.”

Hearing the words “forbidden section,” a glint of understanding flashed in Celeste’s eyes. ‘And there it is. The plot begins.”Good grief, the classic’took a wrong turn and stumbled upon a world-shaking secret’trope. Do this prince and princess have a’Get Lost’ passive skill equipped or something?’

Eldara’s tone remained steady, but Celeste could have sworn the corner of the elf’s mouth was a fraction stiffer than before.

“…Then, they secretly removed a few… magic image picture books from within.”

“Magic image picture books?”

Celeste repeated the phrase subconsciously, alarm bells screaming in her head.

She fought to maintain a calm expression, but her thoughts had already veered into certain unspeakable territories.

‘It couldn’t be… that kind of stuff, could it?’”Those picture books…” Eldara’s voice seemed to dip even colder, as if she were desperately suppressing an urge to facepalm, “…are magic recordings of certain…’exploratory behaviors’ undertaken by some elven nobles during the early stages of their long lives.”

Exploratory behaviors?

Celeste was stunned for a second before the meaning clicked.

Oh. That was just a fancy way of saying “young, dumb, and getting a little wild.”

“One of the volumes,” Eldara’s voice was almost a monotone now, but everyone could hear the suppressed agony of someone forced to maintain knightly decorum while describing something mortifying.

“…records the… experience of Her Majesty the Queen during a journey to the human city-states in the eastern part of the continent, approximately three hundred years ago.”

The canyon fell so silent that only the sigh of the wind remained.

Every single person’s expression froze.

The Stout Captain’s mouth fell open again; this time, you could have fit two eggs inside.

In Su Wan’s ice-blue eyes, the glacier of common sense she had painstakingly rebuilt in her mind didn’t just crack—it calved, shattering into a million pieces with a deafening roar.

A furious blush crept up Xia Lian’s neck, her small hands flying to her mouth as if to stifle a gasp. Her eyes were wide with a mixture of shock and mortified shyness.

Selene, however, wore an ecstatic expression that screamed, ‘I knew it would be something like this!’ She whispered excitedly, “It’s here, it’s here! A forbidden romance with a several-hundred-year age gap! And this time, it comes with video evidence!”

Eldara ignored their reactions, continuing in that flat, “reporting for duty” tone.

“In the footage, the human male who had a… brief encounter with Her Majesty the Queen, who was still quite naive at the time, was the… ancestor of the current King of Humanity.”

“Pfft—!”

This time, it wasn’t Celeste. It was a young guard nearby who had been secretly sipping water to calm his nerves.

He choked, his face turning beet red, but he managed to clamp a hand over his mouth, not daring to make another sound. His eyes bulged with a silent scream that read, ‘What did I just hear?! Am I going to be silenced for this?!”Is this the kind of royal secret a lowly grunt like me is allowed to hear?!’Celeste rested her forehead in her hand.’Update Patch K: “Regarding the Matter of My Great-Great… Great-Grandson Watching the Magic Home Movie of Me Dating Your Ancestor a Few Centuries Ago.””Screenwriter, I tap out. I really do. You’re not just writing this from a hospital bed anymore; you’ve jacked your brain directly into a Chaos God for inspiration, haven’t you?!’

[Ding! Detected that the Host feels extreme absurd joy at the wonderful combination of “cross-generational ethical drama” and “black history archaeology.” Elation Coins +1666!]

She cleared her throat and, adopting the rigorous tone of someone discussing a serious academic matter, cautiously sought clarification.

“Forgive my presumption… but do these ‘magic images’ contain, ah, content of a rather… private nature? The kind not suitable for public viewing?”

“To the point that the human prince and princess might… misinterpret their purpose?”

The barest flicker of a muscle at the corner of Eldara’s eye was the only sign of life.

She offered no verbal reply, but her glacial silence was an answer in itself.

Celeste got it instantly. The little brats thought they’d stumbled onto some spicy historical artifacts and decided to swipe them for a laugh.

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]