Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Stepping into the small town, the cacophony of human life and the semblance of order were a welcome balm to their frayed nerves.

“Finally, a decent place,” Selene let out a long, weary sigh, her eyes scanning the surrounding buildings and pedestrians with open curiosity.

Most of the townsfolk bustled past in coarse, homespun clothes, their expressions hurried. The lines of long-term labor were etched deeply into their faces, a permanent mark of weariness. Occasionally, a few adventurers armed with well-worn weapons would stride by, their gazes a mixture of appraisal and caution.

Everything seemed perfectly, almost disappointingly, normal.

Except for the flag snapping crisply in the wind above the town gate—a golden lion rampant on a field of royal blue.

Celeste’s gaze lingered on that banner for a moment longer than necessary, the corner of her eye twitching involuntarily.

Blue background, golden lion…

That art style, that specific color combination—a powerful sense of déjà vu washed over her. In the blink of an eye, her mind was flooded with images of a magnificent white capital city, a swell of heroic, orchestral music, and a game slogan that had once echoed across the globe.

A deep, ominous premonition began to bubble up from the pit of her stomach.

She subconsciously muttered a line of gamer jargon that left her teammates utterly bewildered.

“So… are our enemies the ‘Blood and Blunder, For the Horde’ fan club?”

Xia Lian, walking beside her, tilted her head. “Huh? Sister Celeste, what horde are you talking about?”

“It’s nothing,” Celeste waved her hand, her expression perfectly neutral. “Just thinking about what’s for dinner.”

Xia Lian blinked. “…”

Selene stared. “…”

Su Wan shot her a look that clearly said, ‘Are you for real?’ They had just set foot in an unfamiliar Domain. Shouldn’t a normal person’s first priority be intelligence gathering and resupplying?

“Let’s find a place to stay first,” Su Wan said calmly, breaking the awkward silence. Her gaze locked onto a building not far off, a simple wooden goblet hanging from a sign above its door. “And we can gather some information while we’re at it. Taverns are usually the best places for that.”

The proposal was met with unanimous agreement.

Pushing open the creaking wooden door, they were hit by a wall of warm air thick with the smell of spilled ale, sweat, and cheap roasted meat. The wave of clamor that followed was nearly strong enough to knock them off their feet.

The moment the four of them—a quartet of women with undeniably outstanding looks and presence—stepped inside, the boisterous tavern fell into a sudden, momentary hush.

Countless pairs of eyes shot toward them. Some gazes were filled with simple amazement, others with undisguised greed, and a few with pure, unadulterated curiosity.

Selene instinctively straightened her back, subtly shifting her shield to her side as she moved to protect her sister.

Fortunately, the collective staring contest lasted only a few seconds. For adventurers who made a living licking blood off the edges of their blades, beautiful women were a sight for sore eyes, but a rose with thorns was a deadly proposition. The high-quality, well-maintained equipment on the four of them was impossible to hide, as was the faint, sharp aura of slaughter honed in battle. The vast majority of the patrons wisely averted their gazes.

They found a relatively clean table in a corner and sat down. Celeste expertly flagged down a server, ordering four glasses of water and a plate of roasted meat.

“Let’s just listen for now,” Su Wan reminded them in a low voice.

The topics of conversation swirling around the tavern were a chaotic jumble: some mercenary group had lost more men, the beasts outside the city walls were getting restless again, and the usual complaints about rising taxes.

It was all background noise until a one-eyed, burly man at the next table, his face flushed red with drink, slammed his fist down and began to roar, spittle flying from his lips.

“Stop your damn whinin’! Any of you who want to get rich, you come with me to Lion City! You hear me? It’s a conscription order, issued by His Majesty the King himself!” he bellowed. “We’re heading to the northern front to fight those pointy-eared elves!”

Bam!

With a sharp crack, the wooden cup Selene had just picked up was slammed back down onto the table.

Xia Lian’s eyes went wide.

Elves? Weren’t they the ones in every fantasy story who represented elegance, power, and were usually allies of humanity or, at worst, a neutral race?

A bearded mercenary nearby clearly had the same question. He sneered, “Old John, you’re drunk again, aren’t you? The Elven Kingdom has always been on good terms with us. They’re our allies!”

“Allies? Bullshit allies!” Old John shot back, his neck stiffening as his face grew even redder. “That’s old news! I’m telling you, this came straight from my great-uncle, who’s a guard in Lion City!”

He paused for dramatic effect, waiting until the surrounding patrons had all leaned in before smugly lowering his voice. “Those long-ears are nothin’ but a bunch of two-faced invaders! They tore up the ancient covenant, and now their grand army is massing on our border. And you won’t believe the shameless demands they made!”

“How shameless?” someone asked, playing along.

Old John slapped his thigh, his voice thick with indignation. “Their Queen actually demanded that we send Prince Alex and Princess Liliane to the Elven Forest as hostages! Called it a ‘friendly exchange’ to promote the fusion of our two races’ bloodlines!”

“His Majesty the King was so furious he nearly flipped the throne! He kicked the elven envoy right out! Now the masks are off, and it’s just a matter of time before war breaks out!”

The news hit the tavern like a boulder dropped into a still pond. The entire room erupted.

“What? An army on the border?”

“Are the elves insane? That means all-out war!”

“Hostages… why send both the Prince and the Princess?”

Selene, Xia Lian, and Su Wan exchanged glances, their faces a mask of shared disbelief. This plot development… wasn’t it a bit rushed?

Just then, Old John leaned conspiratorially toward the next table, a lewd grin that every man in the room understood spreading across his face. He spoke in what he probably thought was a whisper.

“Heh, you rookies wouldn’t get it, would you? Word from my great-uncle’s comrade’s cousin is that those elves… they swing both ways. It’s a complete free-for-all over there.”

Boom.

Xia Lian’s cheeks instantly flushed a deep crimson, and steam practically started rising from the top of her head. She ducked her head low, desperately wishing a crack would open in the floorboards and swallow her whole.

Selene, who had just taken a sip of water, choked. “Pfft—!” She barely managed to turn her head in time to avoid spraying Su Wan. Wiping her mouth frantically, she was too shocked to form a coherent sentence. “What… What kind of insane rumor is that?!”

Su Wan’s hand, holding her own cup, froze mid-air. A visible crack had appeared on her perpetually ice-cold, beautiful face. In her ice-blue eyes, a rare emotion flickered—a mixture of deep absurdity and utter confusion.

‘So this Domain’s rules aren’t just cruel to the beautiful,’she thought,’but its entire worldview is constructed with this level of sheer absurdity?’Even Celeste couldn’t hold it in anymore, her temples beginning to throb.’Wait! Hold on! Isn’t this information overload a bit much?’she screamed internally.’Where are the orcs? The Scourge? The Burning Legion? How did we jump straight to fighting the elves? Is the elf faction’s setting completely bugged?! What happened to them being noble, elegant, and one-with-nature? Since when did they adopt the bandit playbook of forcibly kidnapping men and women?!”Instructor Chen Jing wasn’t lying,’ she concluded grimly.’This Domain is fundamentally broken!’

As if on cue, Old John continued his tirade. “Fortunately, the orcish envoy is a righteous one! They’ve formed a temporary alliance with us to resist the elven threat together.”

Celeste: “…”

An utterly ridiculous guess surfaced in her mind.

‘Don’t tell me the elves also demanded the orcs send over their strongest warrior and most beautiful shaman…’

Thinking about the… significant differences in appearance and physique…

Hiss! Those elves really had an appetite.

A grand saga of “The Alliance of Humans and Orcs Against Elven Aggression.”

Did the writer grab this script from the Warhammer Chaos playbook by mistake?!

She opened her mouth, but for once, found that her capacity for sarcasm had short-circuited.

Lifting her head, her gaze traveled across the noisy crowd and landed on a simple parchment notice tacked to the tavern wall. It was a recruitment poster, written in crooked Common script. At the bottom, stamped in blurry ink, was a familiar seal—the golden lion on a blue field.

Celeste’s fingertips tapped a light, rhythmic beat on the rough wooden table.

While her teammates were still trying to process the shocking gossip, she suddenly spoke, her tone as calm as if she were deciding on tomorrow’s breakfast.

“It seems we have a new objective.”

Three pairs of eyes snapped to her.

Celeste met their gazes, the corners of her mouth curling into a knowing, dangerous arc. A flicker of genuine excitement, the thrill of a true battle maniac, glinted in her eyes.

“This ‘main quest’… sounds like it could be fun.”

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]