Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

A filthy, cold glint tore through the air as the sharp claws of three Kobolds lunged for Celeste’s throat.

Celeste moved.

The nonchalant expression on her face didn’t so much as twitch. She even let out a lazy, put-upon sigh.

“…I knew it.”

Her movements, however, were a shocking contradiction to her languid demeanor.

She didn’t retreat. She advanced.

In a single fluid motion, she stepped forward, dropped her body low, and sank her center of gravity. The gorgeous staff, inlaid with shimmering pink crystals, was now gripped in one hand, held in a posture of textbook perfection.

The tip of the staff pointed forward, her arm and the weapon forming a single, unbroken line of slaughter.

This was no casting stance. This was no preparation for a spell.

This was the opening form of a master spear technique.

Swish! Swish! Swish!

The staff’s tip sliced through the air, unleashing three sharp whistles that were so fast they nearly merged into a single, piercing note. Three afterimages flickered into existence and vanished in the same instant, unerringly striking the exact center of each of the three Kobolds’ chests.

It wasn’t a strike; it was a puncture.

As if wielding an invisible needle, she had instantly pierced their very cores. The motion was as fast as lightning, yet carried a strange, deadly elegance.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

The three Kobolds, their bodies coiled with violent, charging momentum, froze eerily in mid-air. The scarlet fanaticism in their eyes dissipated like air from a punctured balloon, fading into a dull, dead gray.

A moment later, all three bodies fell straight backward, crashing to the cavern floor where they lay utterly still.

There were no wounds on their bodies. Not a single drop of blood had been spilled.

Yet the candle flame of their lives had been precisely, and irrevocably, snuffed out.

This display of lethal efficiency, however, did nothing to improve the situation.

A bloody switch had been flipped.

From the depths of the cave, a tide of more Kobolds surged forth, their eyes burning with crimson madness. They completely ignored the shield warrior and the ice mage who were carving a path of destruction through their ranks. They shoved their own companions aside, even tanking the arrows fired by the ranger, their bodies absorbing the impacts without slowing.

Their target was terrifyingly, unprecedentedly, unified.

The girl with the pink hair.

“Are you kidding me, officer?” Selene grunted, using a powerful shield bash to shatter the bones of a Kobold that had gone berserk and bypassed her entirely in its mad dash for her sister. She couldn’t help but complain, “Did Celeste marinate her hair in Kobold pheromones?! No matter how much aggro I pull, it just won’t stick!”

Su Wan’s fingertips condensed three razor-sharp ice cones, pinning another Kobold that had broken through the defensive line firmly to the ground. Her voice was laced with a hint of uncontrollable astonishment.

“It seems that in their aesthetic system, the color pink holds the highest priority.”

“That’s just ridiculous!” Xia Lian cried out, her expression on the verge of collapse as she accurately shot an arrow through a Kobold’s knee, halting its charge. “Does this Domain’s rule set have some kind of screw loose?! This is beauty literally getting you killed!”

The entire cave descended into a combat rhythm that was both comical and extremely dangerous.

Su Wan was forced to switch from a damage-dealing role to an interception specialist, working in tandem with Selene to desperately control the frenzied mob. Xia Lian’s need for precision kills skyrocketed, her bowstring barely ceasing its hum as she loosed arrow after arrow.

And Celeste…

…became the busiest “mobile tourist attraction” on the battlefield, continuously “receiving” the fanatical pilgrims drawn by her pink hair.

Bang! Bang!

Celeste swung her staff again, this time in a horizontal sweep, and precisely connected with the temples of two more lunging Kobolds. The two creatures were sent flying sideways as if they’d been hit by the Astral Express, crashing into the rock wall and smearing it into a blurry puddle of gore.

She tilted her head slightly, effortlessly dodging a splash of blood. Her tone, when she spoke, finally carried an obvious note of helplessness.

“I say, can you guys put in a little more effort?” she called out. “My side is about to become a VIP express checkout lane.”

She paused, her gaze sweeping over to her younger sister, who was currently being besieged by monsters.

“Selene, if you can’t hold on, I’ll take a moment to cast a Cleansing Spell on you, too. I guarantee you’ll get to enjoy the same five-star treatment as me.”

“Don’t! I was wrong! Sis, I was wrong! I’m already burning my life force over here!” Selene let out a desperate roar. A golden halo exploded from her shield as she unleashed `Sacred Shield Impact`, the shockwave finally clearing a small, precious vacuum in the tide of monsters around her.

On the other side of the fray, a giant, shared question mark seemed to pop into existence over the heads of Su Wan and Xia Lian.

‘Taunting… what does that have to do with a Cleansing Spell?’

A few minutes later, the absurd battle finally drew to a close.

The cave floor was carpeted with the corpses of Kobolds. At least a third of them had fallen while still in the posture of charging toward Celeste, a proof of their unwavering devotion. They were truly martyrs of the pink faith.

[Ding! The Host’s beauty has been affirmed by a non-human race! Elation Coins +233!]

‘Shut up! Who wants the affirmation of a bunch of Kobolds?!’

Xia Lian leaned over, hands on her knees, gasping for breath. Sweat plastered her bangs to her forehead. Her gaze, filled with an extremely complicated mix of emotions, fell upon Celeste.

Or more accurately, upon that head of pink hair.

After such an intense, bloody slaughter, her long hair was still fluffy, smooth, and in this dim cave, was even emitting an absurdly hazy, soft light. It was so perfect that not a single strand was out of place, as if she had just stepped out of a salon after a top-tier conditioning treatment.

Xia Lian swallowed hard, her tone as serious as if she were discussing the fundamental philosophies of life.

“Sister Celeste…”

“In the future… when we go into a Domain… how about we wear a helmet?”

Celeste just stared. “…”

The moment Xia Lian finished speaking, the gazes of Selene and Su Wan shot over simultaneously. In their eyes was the exact same plea of traumatized survivors who had just stared death in the face.

Wear a helmet!

Or a hood! A hood would also work!

Please!

What was this “the higher the beauty, the easier to be attacked” nonsense? This was clearly “the higher the beauty, the faster you die”! If they had to deal with this kind of forced, party-wide taunt a few more times, the tank and control positions in their team would die from overwork on the spot.

“Yeah, sis,” Selene said, leaning weakly against the wall, the fear still lingering in her voice. “For the future of our team, please… compromise your hairstyle.”

Su Wan didn’t speak. But her normally calm, iceberg-like face was currently a mask of deep agreement. The aloof ice mage could no longer remain aloof. Her gaze swept unobtrusively over Celeste’s gorgeous staff, a flicker of inquiry in her eyes. Those few moves just now had been clean, efficient, without a single wasted motion. That was definitely not a skill set a priest should possess.

Celeste looked at the three pairs of pleading eyes, sighed helplessly, and finally relented. “Fine, fine. We’ll talk about it next time.”

With the battle over, cleaning up the battlefield was routine. The four of them began to check the Kobold corpses and the simple cave, hoping to find some valuable loot or information.

“These Kobolds are dirt poor,” Selene declared, kicking a corpse aside to reveal nothing but a few broken bones. “Can’t even scrape a single copper coin off them.”

“Nothing over here either,” Xia Lian reported from the other side of the cave, shaking her head. “Just a pile of rotten meat and trash.”

“Wait,” Su Wan’s voice called out from the deepest corner of the cavern. “There’s something here.”

The other three gathered around at her call.

In a corner, casually covered by a few pieces of tattered animal hide, was a small cache. Su Wan used an ice cone to pry the hides away, revealing a knapsack wrapped in rough leather.

The knapsack wasn’t large, but it was tied very tightly. Xia Lian stepped forward, cut the rope with a dagger, and spread the contents out on the ground.

Inside were not treasures or magic items, but supplies that clearly belonged to humans.

There was a half-empty hard leather water bag, a few pieces of stale black bread gnawed down to the corners, and a burnt-out torch. Beside these items, a single gold tooth reflected a faint light in the dimness.

“Human remains,” Xia Lian’s tone sank. “It seems someone was here before us and met with misfortune.”

Selene picked up the gold tooth and weighed it in her palm. “To be able to afford a gold tooth, they must have been a fairly well-off adventurer. What a pity.”

“Judging by the state of these supplies, it couldn’t have been too long ago,” Su Wan analyzed. “This at least proves there are other humans active in this Domain.”

Celeste stared at the items in the parcel, her gaze fixed on the particular style of the black bread and the design of the water bag.

A feeling that was both familiar and distant washed over her, stirring old memories.

She didn’t say anything, simply taking the gold tooth and putting it away.

“Let’s go. There’s nothing left for us here.”

“We need to find a safe place as soon as possible, preferably a human settlement.”

The four of them left the foul-smelling Kobold mine. Breathing in the fresh air outside, their tense nerves finally began to truly relax.

They continued along the path at the foot of the mountain for another half hour before the view ahead suddenly opened up.

A dirt road, obviously paved by human labor and packed down by the repeated passage of carriage wheels, appeared before their eyes.

“There’s a road!” Selene’s spirits lifted instantly. “If we follow the road, we’re bound to find a village or a town!”

This was excellent news. It meant they no longer had to wander through the wilderness like headless flies. The group stepped onto the main road, choosing to follow the direction where the carriage tracks were deeper.

Another hour passed, and on the horizon, the outline of a cluster of buildings gradually became clear.

It was a small town, not very large, surrounded by a circle of simple wooden fences and a few arrow towers. At the entrance to the town, a flag bearing the sigil of a golden lion on a blue background fluttered in the wind.

As they drew closer, the details of the town grew sharper. Foundations built of sturdy stone, two-story buildings with white-plastered walls and dark wooden beams, and an iconic inn with a carved wooden wine glass hanging as its sign.

Several human guards, clad in chainmail with longswords at their waists, patrolled the town gate. Seeing the four travelers approaching from the wilderness, they cast vigilant and scrutinizing gazes but didn’t step forward to question them.

Xia Lian and Selene both breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Finding a human stronghold meant safety and supplies. Su Wan, meanwhile, was observing the town’s architectural style with the scrutiny of an academic researcher.

Only Celeste.

Her footsteps had stopped.

She stared at the blue flag with its golden lion, dancing wildly in the wind.

She stared at the inn sign, a near-perfect replica of the one etched into her memory.

She stared at the all-too-familiar emblem on the guards’ armor.

Her entire body froze.

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]