Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

A swirling halo of intertwined pink and blue light engulfed Celeste like a rising tide.

Selene, by now thoroughly desensitized to these spectacles, even had the presence of mind to critique the performance. “Huh. The light effects seem a bit more advanced this time. Is that a gradient?”

When the light finally dissipated, Celeste lowered her head, examining her new attire.

The outfit was a vision of holy white, accented with delicate sky-blue ribbons and complex gold patterns. A translucent, glowing Vision hung at her waist, rising and falling gently with each breath. It was undeniably the garb of a priestess, yet infinitely more exquisite than her own simple, practical robes. The skirt was shorter, the cut more form-fitting—clearly designed with ease of movement in mind.

Unsurprisingly, her long pink hair had been styled into Barbara’s signature twin-turbo pigtails.

‘Considering the hair color… I feel like I look more like Hyacine now…’

As the thought crossed her mind, the system interface materialized with a cheerful chime.

[Ding!]

[Detected: Host’s current appearance shares over 70% similarity with the specific character ‘Hyacine’. Hidden easter egg triggered. Reward obtained: “Sunshine Rainbow Little Ika”]

[Sunshine Rainbow Little Ika: When you use a skill to deal damage, there is a chance for a cute Little Ika phantom to appear. The phantom will launch a headbutt attack at the nearest enemy, dealing 50% of your skill’s damage.]

[Note: This skill and Overtones will not trigger simultaneously.]

Celeste’s mouth twitched as she read the description. ‘This reward is so simple it’s… useless! Where am I even supposed to get skill damage from? Smite?’

With a deadpan expression, she reached up to adjust the tight fabric across her chest. The system’s so-called “adaptive version” was clearly only concerned with accommodating her size, not the actual fit. This particular cut was tailored for the petite figure of Mondstadt’s beloved idol. As for Celeste’s own generous curves… well, it could only be said that the system possessed a near-paranoid dedication to “perfect restoration.”

“Sis, is this what you meant by ‘a bit wild’?”

Selene circled her sister, her eyes sparkling with pure admiration. “This outfit is gorgeous! It’s way better than your old one. You look both pure and alluring!”

Her gaze slid down Celeste’s arm, and then her eyes locked onto the object held in her sister’s hand. The admiring smile that had graced her face a second ago instantly froze solid.

“…But.” Selene’s voice was suddenly a little dry. “That ‘Catalyst’ of yours… isn’t it a bit… hardcore?”

Celeste raised the weapon.

The champagne-gold body of the gun gleamed with the cold luster unique to metal. Sky-blue stripes, like glowing magic circuits, traced patterns across its surface. The stock was even carefully carved with the emblem of the Church of Favonius. It retained the unmistakable, brutal silhouette of an AK-47, a masterpiece of violent aesthetics now completely reimagined in a high-fantasy style.

Several shimmering blue crystals were embedded beneath the barrel, and the magazine had been replaced with a transparent container filled with a clear, sloshing liquid, much like an elemental potion bottle.

The thing was less a weapon and more a piece of post-modern art.

Provided, of course, you could ignore the fact that it was an assault rifle.

“Skyward AK-47, Magitek-Modified Type.” Celeste gave it a test heft. It was surprisingly light, feeling nothing like a solid metal creation. “The description says it can convert any form of magic into elemental ammunition, allowing for long-range, large-area, high-speed ‘vitality infusion’.”

“Vitality infusion?” Selene’s mouth twitched violently. She pointed a trembling finger at the gun, feeling her entire worldview suffer a catastrophic shock. “With that? Sis, are you sure you’re not planning to infuse people with a full clip of lead?”

Looking at her sister—dressed like a holy idol but armed with a fierce weapon of mass destruction—an incredibly absurd thought surged into her mind.

“Didn’t we enroll in Tianshu University to study ancient martial arts? To walk the path of integrating our skills with timeless techniques? And now you pull out this…” Selene was completely beside herself, her voice dropping into a dramatic, theatrical tone.

“Sis, are you planning to march into our ancient martial arts class, point this thing at the old grandmasters who’ve dedicated their entire lives to perfecting fist and sword, and tell them—”

“‘My lord, the times have changed’?”

Celeste fell silent.

An incredibly vivid image exploded in her mind.

On the training grounds of the Ancient Martial Arts Academy, a white-haired old professor was patiently explaining the essence of Tai Chi: “…to use softness to overcome hardness.”

Then, with a crisp shing, she would hoist the Skyward AK-47 and empty an entire magazine into a training dummy across the field.

Amidst a storm of flying wood chips, she would face the stunned, silent gazes of the entire class, lower the still-smoking rifle, and offer the old professor a respectful bow. “Teacher, this disciple has had an epiphany. The so-called ‘four ounces to move a thousand pounds’is simply this:’Fine wine glows in cups of jade, while enemy cover gets unmade’.”

“…That probably won’t happen.” Celeste shook her head vigorously, banishing the ridiculous fantasy. “But I definitely need to test its power.”

Her eyes lit up, flashing with a mischievous glint that screamed ‘trouble’.

“Let’s go, Selene! To the advanced testing ground!”

…

Tianshu University, Advanced Energy Testing Area.

This facility was exclusively open to upperclassmen and faculty. Each test station was an independent, reinforced chamber equipped with the latest model of the “Lingshu-III” intelligent target dummy. These dummies could withstand attacks from anyone below level 40 and provide real-time analysis of all incoming damage.

Celeste swiped her card, and a transparent energy barrier rose silently, sealing the chamber. Fifteen meters ahead, three silver-gray target dummies stood motionless, their surfaces shimmering with faint blue energy shields.

“Let’s get one thing straight.” Selene tactfully retreated to the observation area, wearing an expression that clearly said, ‘I don’t know this person’. “If anyone shows up, I’m telling them you dragged me here against my will.”

“Have some backbone,” Celeste retorted, not bothering to turn around as she raised the Skyward AK-47.

The stock settled comfortably into the hollow of her shoulder, her fingers wrapping snugly around the grip. A strange, primal connection flooded her senses; the firearm no longer felt like a foreign object, but a seamless extension of her own arm.

Hum—

The crystals on the gun’s body pulsed with light. The clear liquid in the magazine container instantly swirled into a vibrant, translucent blue. Her Hydro element power was being converted into “ammunition.”

‘Let’s try the Hydro element first. Single shot.’

Celeste narrowed her eyes, took aim at the leftmost target, and squeezed the trigger.

Ting~

A crisp, almost pleasant sound rang out, like a single dewdrop striking a wind chime. There was no gunpowder, no smoke from the muzzle—only a single, perfectly condensed bullet of pure water that shot forth with impossible speed.

The next instant.

BOOM!

A deafening roar exploded through the chamber, like a battering ram smashing into a fortress gate.

The energy shield on the target dummy distorted violently as the entire metallic post was blasted backward by a terrifying wave of kinetic force.

The holographic screen on the side of the chamber instantly lit up with a cascade of data:

[Hit Type: Physical Impact]

[Primary Element: Hydro]

[Impact Force: 21.7 Standard Units]

[Destructive Power: Equivalent to a full-power strike from a Level 20 Mage!]

[Note: Pure physical impact.]

“That kind of power…” Celeste was stunned herself. “And there’s almost no recoil.”

“A single shot did that?!” Selene’s voice from behind the barrier was practically a shriek. “Then what happens if… you go full auto?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

A dangerous smirk curled Celeste’s lips. She raised the rifle again, this time aiming at the pristine target dummy in the center.

She held down the trigger and didn’t let go.

Ting-ting-ting-ting-ting-ting-ting—!

The crisp, pleasant chimes now sounded like a frantic, impossibly fast piano arpeggio. The blue water bullets blurred into a solid, straight line of death in the air, hammering the target dummy with relentless, pinpoint accuracy at an unbelievable rate of fire.

BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!

The dull, concussive impacts were so dense they merged into a single, continuous roar. The poor target in the middle was thrashed about like a ragdoll, its energy shield flashing from blue to a blinding white as a piercing overload alarm blared through the chamber.

The data screen on the side had become a waterfall of crimson alerts.

[Continuous Attack: Duration 3.2 seconds!]

[Number of Hits: 24!]

[Shield Load: 50%… 70%… 90%…]

[WARNING! SHIELD ENERGY NEARING DEPLETION! CEASE TEST IMMEDIATELY!]

[WARNING! WARNING!]

Celeste finally released the trigger.

The shooting range fell silent once more.

The target dummy slowly stopped swaying. Though its shield hadn’t shattered, the light had dimmed to a pathetic flicker, threatening to extinguish at any moment.

Selene stood frozen behind the barrier, her mouth hanging wide open. Her eyes were hollow, her mind having completely short-circuited.

“Vitality infusion…” she whispered, her voice trembling.

“How is this vitality infusion?”

“This is an exorcism! A physical exorcism!”

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]