Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Returning to the dormitory around noon, just as they were finishing their meal, a knock sounded at the door.

Standing outside was a senior with a bright, sunny smile; it was Zhou Kai, the same upperclassman who had picked them up from the station the day before. He was clutching a thick stack of documents, and a fine sheen of sweat glistened on his brow.

“Junior sisters! Am I interrupting? Professor Chen asked me to bring over the basic materials for the special training camp.”

“Thank you, Senior. Please, come in,” Celeste said, stepping aside to let him pass.

Zhou Kai set the documents down and, without any ceremony, poured himself a glass of water, gulping it down in one go. “The special training camp assembles tomorrow morning at seven o’t clock sharp in Beidou Plaza,” he said, catching his breath. “You’d best be there half an hour early. Professor Chen absolutely despises tardiness.”

He pulled a few sheets from the top of the stack. “This is an introduction to the training camps from previous years. The content changes annually, but you can use the general format as a reference.”

Celeste accepted the papers and began to flip through them.

The official documents named it the “Tianshu University Summer Special Training Camp for New Students,” with the formal title being “Ancient Martial Arts Adaptability Training.” Its purpose was to scout and develop incoming freshmen who showed exceptional talent or potential in ancient martial arts.

“Previous training content has included: wilderness survival, ancient martial arts combat, Domain exploration, cognition of otherworldly creatures…” Selene read the table of contents aloud, her eyes growing brighter with each line. “That sounds so exciting!”

“It’s definitely exciting,” Zhou Kai said with a wry, bitter smile. “I was in the second batch last year. Our very first task was to be thrown into the ‘Mist Forest’ for three days. The mission was to hunt ten magical beasts and locate three hidden stone tablets. There were four of us in our group, and by the time we came out, we looked like a bunch of wild savages.”

Before he left, he offered one last solemn reminder. “In short, be mentally prepared. The people Professor Chen selects are never ordinary. Your teammates will likely be monster-level talents, too.”

After seeing Zhou Kai off, Celeste glanced at the stack of documents, and a sudden spark of inspiration lit up her mind.

She immediately pulled up the system panel, her gaze zeroing in on the Elation Coins column.

[Elation Coins: 13101]

‘So many?’

Celeste blinked.

Wait.

She jolted upright, her back snapping straight as if pulled by a string. Her eyes, wide with disbelief, were glued to the number.

“Thirteen thousand, one hundred and one?!”

Celeste rubbed her eyes hard, confirming that the digits weren’t flickering or glitching.

‘When did I get so many Elation Coins? I remember I only had a little over a thousand left after pulling on the newbie banner, right? I didn’t earn that much after…’

She hurriedly clicked on the acquisition record for her Elation Coins. Rows of dense system notifications instantly flooded the screen.

[Detected that the Host’s team winning the championship caused the perceptions of Paladins and Priests to be shaken among many elementary and middle school students. Calculating… Elation Coins +666!]

[Ding! Detected that the Host’s behavior caused large-scale cognitive dissonance and deep contemplation among high-level professionals, conforming to the philosophy of “Joy.” Elation Coins +648!]

[+648]

[+648]

…

A long string of “+648” notifications filled two entire pages.

‘So… every single professor who was freaking out in the stands contributed 648 points to my wallet?’A twisted expression formed on Celeste’s face.’Are the professors dropping loot now? Thanks for the gold, I guess?’

This system really did live and breathe its philosophy of “Joy”—the more shocked everyone else was, the happier her account balance became.

And right now, she was rich.

Without a moment’s hesitation, she handled to the system’s gacha interface—the [Ten Thousand Worlds Joy Permanent Banner].

‘Let’s start with a ten-pull to test the waters.’ Celeste rubbed her hands together, a familiar gambler’s itch taking hold, and tapped the button with her mind.

[Ding! Consumed 1600 Elation Coins to perform a ten-pull Wish.]

[Ding! Obtained: Lara’s Tactical Dagger x 1 (Green)]

[Ding! Obtained: Mora x 10000 (White)]

[Ding! Obtained: Silver Scale Breastplate x 1 (Blue)]

[Ding! Obtained: Qingxin x 1 (White)]

[Ding! Obtained: Di-Yuan Jade Set x 1 (Green)]

…

[Ding! Obtained: Four-Star Item: Hero’s Wit x1]

Celeste stared at the familiar purple EXP book and fell into a three-second silence.

‘System, are you serious? A purple EXP book counts as a four-star? And just how much random junk did you stuff into this banner’s loot pool?’

She gritted her teeth and slammed the ten-pull button again.

[Ding! Consumed 1600 Elation Coins to perform a ten-pull Wish.]

Again, it was the familiar sight of a blue sky and white clouds, pierced by a single streak of purple light. A [Prototype Amber] materialized from the violet sphere.

‘Fine, this one’s actually usable. Continue!’The third ten-pull: blue sky, white clouds, one purple. A [Sacrificial Sword].’A sword. Not a total loss.’

The fourth…

The fifth…

The sixth…

The seventh…

Celeste’s face settled into a stony mask, a twitch at the corner of her eye the only sign of her mounting irritation. Her inventory was rapidly filling with a menagerie of four-star weapons and materials, while her Elation Coins drained away like water from a sieve, quickly approaching rock bottom.

‘System, this banner of yours is a genuine scam.’She glared at the Wish button, her expression venomous.’Seventy pulls in. The next one has to hit pity, right?’For the eighth ten-pull, she clicked it with the desperate energy of a gamer on their last leg.’If a gold doesn’t pop, I’ll uninstall… oh, wait, I can’t.’

[Ding! Consumed 1600 Elation Coins to perform a ten-pull Wish.]

The light streaked across the screen.

First pull: Blue.

Second: Blue.

Third: Blue.

…

Ninth: A flash of purple.

Celeste’s heart sank, half-frozen in her chest.

But in that very instant, the tenth ray of light burst forth without warning!

It was here!

The color that changed fates!

A Golden Legend!

Celeste felt her heart clench as if squeezed by an invisible hand. Her breath caught in her throat. A pillar of pure gold light shot into the heavens, dyeing the entire system interface in a magnificent, dazzling, brilliant gold!

[Ding! Congratulations to the Host for obtaining: Permanent Character Card – Barbara (Special Armament Form) x 1 (Gold)!]

[Barbara (Special Armament Form) (Permanent)]

[Type: Character Card (★★★★★)]

[Description: After use, you can transform into the special armed form of the Deaconess of the Favonius Church and Mondstadt idol, Barbara, gaining all her combat skills and Talents. During the transformation, you will automatically equip the corresponding outfit (System Self-Adaptive Version).]

[Exclusive Weapon: Skyward AK-47 (Magically Modified)]

[Note: Barbara, shining debut~! Eh? Isn’t the design of this ‘Catalyst’ a bit… hardcore? But then again… healing and vitality can also be delivered in a more passionate way!]

…

[Skyward AK-47 (Magically Modified)]

[Type: Catalyst]

[Description: An exclusive weapon capable of converting any type of magic power into elemental ammunition for long-range, large-area, high-speed vitality infusion (physical).]

[Note: Practicing medicine cannot save Mondstadt! May Lord Barbatos forgive you, for I shall send you to meet Him right now!]

Celeste stared blankly at the system interface, her brain lagging for a full five seconds.

“Barbara… Special Armament Form?”

“Skyward… AK-47?”

She rubbed her eyes again, making absolutely sure she hadn’t misread the weapon’s name.

Mondstadt’s healing idol, the sweet Deaconess, holding an AK-47?

“System…” Celeste’s mouth twitched uncontrollably. “Your gacha pool… isn’t it a little unhinged? Can fan-made memes even get added to the banner?”

An image uncontrollably surfaced in her mind: Barbara, in her idol outfit, smiling sweetly on stage. Then, she suddenly whips out a champagne-gold assault rifle adorned with blue gems from under her skirt, singing “Da-da-da~” while aiming the muzzle at the enemy for a “vitality infusion”…

This wasn’t just crossing a line; this was a full-blown, dimension-hopping armed modification!

“Sis, what’s wrong? Your expression is so strange.”

Selene, who was practicing her horse stance in the living room, watched her sister on the sofa. Celeste’s face had cycled through a frown, a blank stare, and now an expression of someone trying desperately not to laugh. She looked utterly bewildered.

“It’s nothing.”

Celeste snapped back to reality, an irrepressible smile creeping onto her lips. The curve of her mouth widened, and widened, until it was a full-blown grin.

Social death?

That concept no longer held any power over her.

But this new form… a healing idol with heavy firepower? The combination might bring not just social death for her, but a worldview-shattering cataclysm for her enemies.

“I have to try it. I must try it,” Celeste muttered to herself. “If I don’t see it with my own eyes, I genuinely can’t even imagine that scene…”

‘Right, this is necessary battle preparation!’she reasoned.’I have to adapt to the look in advance, so I don’t burst out laughing first during actual combat because of how ridiculous it is!’

“Selene, you want to see something fun?”

“Huh?”

“Time for a stable Heroic Spirit Summoning. A new character,” Celeste said, a certain eager light flashing in her eyes. “The theme this time… might be a bit wild.”

‘Come on,’she thought, her excitement bubbling over.’Let me see what Mondstadt’s idol looks like when she’s delivering ‘passionate healing’!’

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]