Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

The Death Knight’s berserk state was a crimson storm tearing through the cathedral.

Every swing of its greatsword carried the terrifying power to shatter city walls and uproot fortresses.

Selene and Wang Lei were like two small boats tossed in a tempest, their figures swaying precariously.

Each desperate parry sent a violent shock through their bodies, making their blood churn and the bones in their arms groan under the unbearable weight.

The holy light emanating from their shields dimmed at a rate visible to the naked eye.

“Clang!” With another deafening clash, Wang Lei’s tower shield erupted in a blinding shower of sparks.

The immense force sent him flying backward, the webbing between his thumb and forefinger splitting open, dripping with fresh blood.

Selene fared no better.

Her Holy Light shield flickered erratically, a fragile bubble on the verge of popping.

The defensive line was about to collapse.

In that hair-raising, split-second crisis, a pink figure moved.

Through Celeste’s eyes, the berserk Death Knight was no longer an unstoppable force, but a canvas of countless, shimmering flaws.

At that very same moment, the energy coiling within her reached an explosive peak.

A crisp chime rang out in her mind, clearer and louder than ever before.

[Master, I Have Achieved Enlightenment!] was fully charged once again.

‘Now’s the time!’ She no longer cared about the mortifying lines she was about to shout.

A warrior’s instinct, honed over a lifetime of gaming, took over.

The instant Selene and Wang Lei were blasted back, revealing a critical opening, her body moved on its own.

“Master, I have achieved enlightenment!” The familiar, girlish voice that escaped her lips carried an excitement she hadn’t even realized she felt.

That mysterious sense of epiphany, of absolute clarity, flooded her entire being.

Following a deep intuition, she let her twin swords dance.

This time, fortune seemed to smile upon the pink-haired girl being forced down the path of “enlightenment.” “Swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish!” Her wrists flipped with impossible grace, the twin swords tracing deep and unpredictable arcs through the air.

Six bursts of highly condensed, magnificent sword qi shot forth, blooming in the space between them like a lethal pink lotus.

[The Hunt: One Strike to the Brow, Two to the Heart – Final Art]!

The six streams of sword energy were angled to an extreme degree, their paths as elusive and untraceable as a phantom.

They precisely bypassed the Death Knight’s frantically swinging greatsword, targeting the gaps in its armor, the joints of its pauldrons, and even the nodes where the flow of its necrotic energy stagnated.

“Thwip!

Thwip!

Thwip!

Thwip!

Thwip!

Thwip!” Six dull thuds, the sound of sharp steel slicing through tough, enchanted plating.

The Death Knight’s berserk forward charge was forcibly halted by these six consecutive strikes, each one imbued with the uncanny power of “enlightenment.” The greatsword, raised for a killing blow, froze in mid-air.

The surging, dark red aura around its body flickered in a moment of chaos.

The attack hadn’t heavily wounded it, but it had perfectly interrupted its lethal momentum, buying a precious moment of breathing room for the crumbling front line.

“AWOOO—!” Its dignity provoked by a mere ant, the Death Knight completely abandoned the two “tin cans” it had been toying with.

Its crimson soul-fires swiveled, locking onto the pink figure with murderous intent.

‘It was you!’ A silent roar exploded across the spiritual plane.

The bones in its legs flexed, the sheer force cracking the stone slabs beneath its feet.

Its massive body became a bolt of black lightning, ignoring all others as it merged with its sword in a singular, unstoppable lunge aimed straight at Celeste.

At the sword’s edge, crimson energy coalesced into a terrifying blade of light several meters long, a weapon that vowed to split the detestable pink-haired swordsman—and her blades—in two.

“Watch out!” Selene’s face went pale with horror.

She tried to move back to defend, but it was already too late.

Wang Lei roared, activating his final life-saving skill, but he could only watch helplessly as the black lightning streaked past him.

It was too fast.

The berserk Death Knight had poured every ounce of its strength into this one certain-kill strike.

Yet, facing this thunderous blow, Celeste was unusually, unnervingly calm.

She didn’t dodge.

She didn’t need to.

A power far greater, far more vast than [Master, I Have Achieved Enlightenment!], was awakening and boiling within her.

It was the ultimate technique belonging to the Path of the Hunt, the very essence of March 7th.

She slowly raised her twin swords, crossing them before her chest in a stance that was both holy and solemn.

“This body is the sword, this intent is the soul…” An ethereal whisper, tinged with a hint of embarrassing chuunibyou flair, escaped her lips uncontrollably.

[Ultimate: March 7th, the Heroine]!

In an instant, Celeste’s entire temperament transformed.

If before she was a sharp-edged swordswoman, now she was the Way of the Sword itself.

Facing the Death Knight’s mountain-splitting strike, she didn’t retreat but advanced.

Her pink figure blurred into a phantom, gracefully stepping inside the deadly range of the blade.

The twin swords in her hands became two rings of ever-flowing, clear light—ethereal and agile, yet containing the indestructible principles of the universe.

“Ding-ding-dang-dang-clang!” A series of dense metallic clashes rang out, so rapid they almost merged into a single, continuous tone.

The Death Knight’s berserk slashes were effortlessly parried, neutralized, and diverted into empty space by those two seemingly fragile rings of light.

Celeste’s footwork was like a dance on the edge of a razor; every step perfectly avoided the deadliest points of the attack, while her twin swords always found a way to strike the weak points of her opponent’s armor from the most unbelievable angles.

The momentum of offense and defense reversed in a heartbeat.

The Death Knight grew more alarmed with every passing moment.

It felt as if it had stumbled into a net woven from pure sword light.

Its brute strength had nowhere to land, and it was constantly being sliced by the opponent’s sword qi, new wounds appearing on its body with every exchange.

“Break!” Celeste gave a sharp cry and merged her twin swords.

A brilliant, pink, cross-shaped star of sword light was slashed boldly forward.

Boom!

The Death Knight was struck as if by lightning.

For the first time, its massive body was knocked back head-on, sent flying out of control to slam hard into one of the cathedral’s thick stone pillars.

The already thin layer of its Anti-Magic Shield dissipated with a soft “pop” under the force of that cross-star attack.

The entire cathedral fell deathly silent.

Everyone was stunned by this stunning, miracle-like display of swordsmanship.

However, something even more shocking was yet to come.

The moment Celeste knocked the Death Knight back, the space above her head, beneath the cathedral’s high dome, began to shimmer.

Light and shadow converged, and a massive, dynamic image materialized out of thin air once again.

It was the skill PV exclusive to [Ultimate: March 7th, the Heroine].

Celeste was prepared.

‘Temporary Shamelessness Protocol, activate!’ But this time, the figure appearing in the animation wasn’t the pink-haired, violet-eyed March 7th she expected.

It was her.

A 2D, anime-stylized version of herself.

In the animation, this 2D “Celeste” had her eyes closed in concentration, twin swords held at the ready.

Her temperament was otherworldly, projecting the air of a peerless master.

The scene changed.

She was now in a comical horse stance, arms held out to her sides, with two chubby, cartoonish lion dolls balanced on them.

Beside her, two chibi figures—a boy and a girl, vaguely resembling Yanqing and Yunli—were pointing and laughing.

Then, the scene shifted again.

The 2D “Celeste” was now facing a ridiculously oversized portion of pearl milk tea, a comical stream of drool stretching three feet long from her mouth.

Finally, the image froze.

The pink-haired girl in the holographic phantom assumed a starting pose she clearly thought was domineering but was, in reality, bursting with cuteness.

With boundless energy, she shouted the joyful, soul-crushing line: “Azure Dragon on the left, White Tiger on the right, eat fewer carbohydrates—” Accompanying this devastating line, the girl in the animation suddenly looked back, her eyes sharp, as she let out a soft cry: “—Take this!” Silence.

A deathly, suffocating silence.

Celeste was completely petrified, frozen in place.

The system always, always managed to shatter her psychological defenses in the most unexpected ways.

She had guarded against everything, but she had never imagined the system would replace the PV’s protagonist with her.

The tiny shred of “Heroine” coolness she had just built up was instantly smashed into a QR code by this extremely down-to-earth trip down memory lane and its ultimate slogan.

With a whoosh, a surge of blood rushed to her head, and she instantly transformed into a “Steam Maiden,” blushing so hard she felt like she was boiling.

‘W-What the hell kind of skill is this?!

Why did the character in the PV become me?!’ “System, explain yourself!” [Ding!

The final right of interpretation for all products from this system belongs to Aha!] [Ding!

Congratulations to the Host for unlocking the achievement: “What Are You Laughing At?

You’re a Pink-Haired Girl Too!” Elation Coins +666] After the deathly silence came an uncontrollable, strange noise.

“Pfft…” Someone, unable to hold it in any longer, was the first to let out a short, choked sound like a leaking tire.

The corners of Zhao Shihao’s mouth were twitching frantically.

He looked at the pink-haired heroine on the field—stunning with her sword, aloof in her bearing, a vision of beauty—and then looked up at the 2D version of Celeste drooling and reciting weight-loss slogans.

The powerful sense of cognitive dissonance almost made him lose control of his mana.

“Cough!” Mo Chen suddenly whipped his head away, his shoulders shaking so violently it looked as if he’d been hit by some kind of twitching curse.

Selene’s pretty face turned beet red.

The corners of her mouth desperately wanted to curl up, but her eyes were still filled with the tears of worry from moments before.

Her expression management had completely collapsed.

The only person in the entire venue still maintaining an “aloof” posture was the one at the center of it all, Celeste.

Right now, she wanted nothing more than to find the person who designed these lines and this animation and beat them to a pulp.

“Pfft…” Zhao Shihao couldn’t hold it in, but in the next second, a powerful survival instinct and a veteran combatant’s intuition forced the laugh about to erupt from his throat into a distorted roar: “Cough, cough…

Dammit!

What are you all standing there for?!

The shield is gone!

Light it up!” Almost simultaneously, the three mages displayed the excellent qualities of top-tier examinees.

While their shoulders shook frantically and their facial muscles contorted from the effort of suppressing their laughter, their hands moved like lightning.

They unleashed their long-prepared, strongest burst-damage skills at the Death Knight, who had just stabilized itself and was still reeling, its defenses shattered.

“Solar Impact, pierce through!” Zhao Shihao’s staff shot out its final, incandescent line of fire.

“Polar Frost Blast!” Jiang Xue slammed her staff onto the ground, and a wave of deadly cold air exploded beneath the knight’s feet.

“Decree: Punishment!” The Order mage’s Book of Light erupted with blinding radiance, and a bolt of lightning composed purely of the power of Order struck down from above.

Fire, ice shards, and holy decrees intertwined into a concerto of destruction, completely submerging the shieldless Death Knight.

Only then did the three mages, their attacks landed, look at each other.

Then, in a moment of tacit understanding, they all turned their backs, their shoulders shaking as if they were being electrocuted.

They couldn’t help it.

It was just…

too hard to hold it in.

The lingering sound of “eat fewer carbohydrates,” combined with the image of 2D Celeste drooling, was playing on a loop in their minds.

Celeste withdrew her twin swords, her face an expressionless mask.

She looked up at the damaged dome of the cathedral, her eyes vacant.

‘I can’t stay on Blue Star anymore.”I want to emigrate to another planet.”Immediately.

Right now.’ [Elysian’s Note: Having a good time with the story?

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