Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Celeste sat on the edge of her bed, her consciousness sinking into the familiar expanse of her system space. It was time to take a proper inventory, to organize the spoils from that massive, eighty-pull gacha spree.

Her gaze swept across the warehouse—a heart-stoppingly vast panorama of blue sky and white clouds, a sea of three-star fodder. Dotted amongst the endless blue were a few lonely purple lights, a meager consolation that was better than nothing, she supposed. This was the grand total of her “war effort.”

Only the single golden character card, floating quietly in the very center, salvaged the entire operation. [Barbara (Special Armament Type)]—the last bastion of her dignity, secured only by brute-forcing her way to the hard pity counter.

Suddenly, Celeste’s eyes were drawn to a few inconspicuous items tucked away in a corner of the warehouse. Three books, each emitting a soft purple glow, lay there silently.

Hero’s Wit.

‘Experience books… can you actually use these things on yourself?’

With a single thought, one of the books materialized in her hand. The purple cover was warm to the touch, and its pages began to flip on their own, stirred by an unseen wind. The moment it opened fully, it burst into a billion shimmering particles of light that surged along her fingertips and poured directly into her body.

[Ding! Used Hero’s Wit x1!]

A warm current bloomed in her chest, spreading through her limbs in an instant. She could clearly “see” her own experience bar, which had been stalled at Level 21 (50%), suddenly skyrocket at a speed visible to the naked eye.

[Current Level: Level 21 (82%)]

“It actually works!”

Celeste’s eyes lit up. Without a shred of hesitation, she summoned the remaining two books and crushed them in her hands simultaneously.

[Ding! Used Hero’s Wit x2!]

[Congratulations to the Host! Level increased to Level 22 (44%)!]

A far more potent wave of heat swept through her, and she could feel the very foundation of her “Priest” class solidifying, growing a full size stronger. The improvement was subtle, but it was a concrete, obvious gain.

Celeste quickly dumped the two new attribute points into Constitution, watching her status panel refresh.

[Celeste – Priest Lv.22]

[Strength: 90]

[Agility: 60]

[Constitution: 160]

[Intelligence: 75]

[Faith: 85]

But none of that was what truly mattered.

The most important thing was—she was Level 22.

“Cleansing Spell!”

She practically launched herself off the bed, her movements so abrupt they stirred a gust of wind in the quiet room.

The bathroom door clicked open, and Selene emerged, toweling her damp hair. She jumped, startled by her sister’s frantic energy.

“Sis, what are you doing? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m Level 22!” Celeste’s voice was thick with an ecstasy she couldn’t suppress. “I can learn the Cleansing Spell!”

She eagerly pulled open her skill panel. There, listed below familiar skills like [Healing Spell] and [Mantra: Shield], was a brand-new, grayed-out icon.

[Cleansing Spell (Unlearned)]

[Description: Consumes a small amount of mana to dispel negative status effects on the target, including magic, poison, disease, etc.]

[Learning Requirement: Lv.22]

This was it.

Celeste’s eyes were shockingly bright, her gaze so intense it felt like it could burn a hole straight through the holographic icon. The panel’s description might have been plain, even unremarkable, but a powerful, unshakeable conviction burned in her heart.

‘The Cleansing Spell, as its name implies, must, definitely, absolutely be able to clean the body!’

How could it not? To do otherwise would be a desecration of the very word “Cleansing”!

She confirmed the choice with her mind.

[Ding! Do you want to spend 100 experience points to learn the skill: Cleansing Spell?]

“Yes!”

The gray icon instantly blazed to life, transforming into a stream of data that submerged itself between her eyebrows. A brand-new pathway for energy circulation was deeply engraved upon her soul.

Celeste spun around to face her curious sister, her expression solemn, her tone almost sacred.

“Selene, the moment to witness a miracle has arrived.”

“Huh?” Selene looked completely lost. “What miracle? Isn’t it just a dispel skill? Wait, Sis, are you still hung up on the idea that it should have a cleaning effect?”

“Just because others can’t, doesn’t mean I can’t,” Celeste said, a cryptic, all-knowing smile playing on her lips. “My Cleansing Spell is destined to be different.”

She closed her eyes, focusing inward and beginning to mobilize the sacred energy within her. Mana flowed along the newly carved route, gathering at her fingertips.

But she didn’t release it.

‘Not enough. Still not enough!’With every ounce of her mental strength, Celeste stubbornly, desperately, visualized the ultimate scene she craved—the very pinnacle of a salted fish’s dream.’The light brushes past, taking away all dirt and sweat!”The light brushes past, smoothing out every wrinkle in my clothes!”The light brushes past, making me feel refreshed and clean from the inside out, leaving behind the warm, comforting scent of a quilt that’s been basking in the sun!’

This was her obsession. This was her prayer.

Suddenly, Celeste’s eyes snapped open. She raised her hand and pointed a finger at herself.

The light glowing at her fingertip wasn’t the pure, sacred, milky-white radiance described in the class manuals. Instead, it was a dreamy, almost ambiguous pink-purple halo.

“Cleansing Spell!”

The halo bloomed, erupting into a warm torrent that seemed to have a life of its own, swallowing her whole in an instant.

And a miracle descended.

The dust she’d picked up on the training grounds, the sticky film of sweat on her skin, even the faint, lingering scent of ozone in her hair from test-firing the Skyward AK-47—all of it simply melted away in the gentle light.

The subtle wrinkles on her loungewear were smoothed out by an invisible force, the fabric regaining the crispness and softness it had straight from the factory. An incredible feeling of freshness radiated from her skin; every pore seemed to be breathing a sigh of happy relief.

Most ridiculously, even the slightest, most unnoticeable trace of dirt under her fingernails had been scoured away, leaving them as pristine as if they were brand new.

Celeste lowered her hand, looking down at her completely renewed self. She could even smell a faint, clean scent of sunshine and fresh grass emanating from her body.

This was ten thousand times more thorough than the most luxurious hot bath.

“Success!”

She couldn’t stop a triumphant cheer from escaping her lips, hopping on the spot with pure, unadulterated joy.

“It really works! It even cleaned my clothes!”

Selene, standing off to the side, was utterly dumbfounded. She subconsciously opened her own class panel and pulled up the skill library’s description for “Cleansing Spell”—it was still the same old “dispel a negative status effect,” with no changes whatsoever.

“Sis, your Cleansing Spell…” Selene’s voice was a little dry. “It seems a bit… off?”

“What do you mean, off? This is the true Cleansing Spell!” Celeste declared triumphantly. “It dispels negative statuses and cleans the body. Two birds with one stone. It’s perfect!”

To prove her point, she cast it on herself again. The pink-purple light flashed, and her already spotless body was refreshed once more. Even her breath seemed to carry a hint of fresh sweetness.

Selene stared at the faint, otherworldly light clinging to her sister. She felt a vague sense of déjà vu, a mysterious connection to the pink Healing Spell that could mend wounds without leaving a single scar.

“Perfect,” Celeste nodded, completely satisfied. She was already planning her new life. “From now on, it’s a Cleansing Spell every morning when I wake up, after every meal, after every training session… I can use it anytime, anywhere!”

“This is a divine skill!” she declared with grave solemnity. “It’s a hundred times more practical than any Healing Spell or Skyward AK!”

Selene was flabbergasted. “Sis, is your definition of ‘practical’ a little skewed?”

“How is it skewed?” Celeste shot back righteously. “Quality of life is the foundation of combat effectiveness! How much power can a warrior exert if they’re itchy all over and their clothes are sticking to them?”

She could already see it. She would become the cleanest, tidiest professional at Tianshu University—no, perhaps in the entire world. There would be no competition.

“By the way, Selene, want to try it?” Celeste looked at her sister, her eyes gleaming with eagerness. “I know you just showered, but the Cleansing Spell can make you even more… uh, more thorough?”

“Really?” Selene was skeptical but intrigued, looking at her sister’s intoxicated expression. In the end, curiosity won out. “Fine, go ahead. I want to see just how magical this thing is.”

“Get ready!” Celeste aimed her fingertips at her sister and chanted again, “Cleansing Spell!”

The familiar pink-purple halo enveloped Selene. She felt a warm current wash over her body. The dripping ends of her hair instantly became dry and fluffy, and the last traces of moisture from her bath vanished without a trace. Her entire being felt as if it had been polished, radiating a pristine freshness from the inside out.

“Wow! It really works! My hair is dry!” Selene touched her perfectly dry hair in amazement. This was way better than any hairdryer.

But as her fingers brushed against the strands, her hand froze. She quickly grabbed a lock of her long hair and brought it before her eyes.

Her hair, once the color of polished ink, was now dyed a soft, slightly glossy cherry blossom pink.

Selene instantly turned to stone.

She stiffly turned her head to look at her sister, who was doing a terrible job of looking innocent. Her voice trembled. “Sis! My hair! Why did it turn pink?!”

“Oh, isn’t this perfect?” Celeste spouted nonsense with a completely straight face. “Before, I was the only one with pink hair. It was so lonely. Now you have it too. We have matching sister-hair.”

“Perfect, my foot!” Selene scrambled to the mirror. Staring at her reflection, at the head of undeniably girly pink hair, she was on the verge of tears.

The color was exactly the same as her sister’s…

‘Uh… actually…’she thought, her panic faltering for a second.’It’s… not an unacceptable problem? It even looks… kind of good?’

“Don’t worry, it’s probably just a temporary magic effect,” Celeste said, trying desperately to hold back a laugh as she walked over and patted her sister’s shoulder. “Look how cute it is. Very youthful and energetic.”

Selene stared at the mirror, dumbfounded. “Sis, I really have to thank you. For the free hair dye.”

Celeste just smiled, not saying a word, feeling immensely proud of herself.

Selene looked at her pink-haired reflection, then at her ridiculously spirited sister, and couldn’t help but press a hand to her forehead. Any other genius, after leveling up, would immediately go test the power of their new attack skills. Her sister, on the other hand, tested whether a support spell could replace bathing and, as a side effect, dyed her sibling’s hair.

The most outrageous part was that it actually worked.

“Forget it,” Selene muttered softly. “At least when we form a team to enter a Domain in the future, we won’t have to worry about hygiene.”

“Exactly!” Celeste patted her sister’s shoulder earnestly. “Remember, an excellent team must not only be able to fight but must also pay attention to personal hygiene. From this day forward, our ‘Mobile Turret and Shield of Despair’combo is officially upgraded to the’Mobile Turret and Shield of Despair: Clean Edition’!”

Selene deadpanned, “…The name is too long.”

“Then let’s shorten it to the ‘Clean and Hygienic’ combo.”

“That’s even weirder!”

After the chaos and laughter died down, Celeste gazed at the shining icon in her skill bar with deep satisfaction, feeling as though the entire world had become a more beautiful place.

[Ding! Detected that the Host has generated intense pleasure from realizing the dream of “staying clean anytime, anywhere.” Elation Coins +233!]

[Warm reminder: The Cleansing Spell is nice, but it cannot remove the dirt in one’s soul~ Perhaps it will just add a little “color” for others to see?]

Celeste’s mouth twitched. ‘…Who asked you to clean my soul! And stop using such a smug tone to remind me!’

In a corner of her soul she couldn’t perceive, the [Blessing of the Pink Fairy Lady] quietly lit up. Below the description that originally listed only two effects, a third line of text, emitting a soft pink glow, slowly materialized:

[Effect Three: Pink Mood, Unlocked ♪]

[Effect Description: A pink Damselette will naturally have a pink mood. How could Miss Pink Elf™ let a cute girl be disappointed? When the Host has a pure and intense wish, the world will present you with a small miracle that meets your expectations.]

That line of small text flickered gently, like a mischievous wink, before quietly fading away without a trace.

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]