Return of the Antagonistic Lady Boss

Chapter 599: Chapter 573: Understanding and Clues

In past lives and the present one, she owes Yu Minglang an apology, for she let down his deep affection, making him wait a lifetime in the past, and now he exhausts himself over her illness.

How wonderful it would be if she were a normal person, if she could control her own heart.

But illness is absolutely something beyond one’s own control; many people in society have misconceptions about mental illness, thinking that if patients try hard enough, they can control it. If they can’t, they’re being pretentious, self-destructive, selfish.

Many people don’t understand pre-marital anxiety, compulsive handwashing, or even depression.

So if she loves him, why not marry him? Pretentious!

Knowing washing hands isn’t good, why keep doing it? Lack of self-control!

Life is so good, why think about depression and suicide? Useless!

Normal people use so-called normal thoughts to constrain patients, and such misunderstandings only increase the psychological pressure on patients, making them hate themselves more and refuse to accept their illness, worsening their condition.

As a psychologist, Qian does not advocate that a normal person easily choose someone with psychological issues, because choosing means tolerance. But the word ”tolerance” is easy to say yet difficult to practice. Lifelong endurance and concession are arduous for uniquely individual people; none are gods, who can truly have no temper?

Who is Yu Minglang?

He is an exceptionally outstanding man. In the eyes of outsiders, he’s seen as unreachable.

Yet, to accommodate someone like her with an illness, he’s willing to be a fool.

He does all the seemingly silly things, even willing to withstand exposure alone, bearing all her fury without telling her that it’s for her treatment.

Others might see him as a stupid or foolish man, but Qian knows he doesn’t have to be like this; he can be very shrewd.

But the cost of being shrewd means hurting her, so he continues foolishly down this path.

In past lives, Yu Minglang was very mature, even carrying a bit of a high-cold persona typical of abstinent male idols, the ideal husband in every young girl’s heart.

But in this life, Yu Minglang repeatedly steps back for her psychological issues, becoming a man willing to do anything...

Yu Minglang anxiously waits for her to lose her temper, prepared to continue taking the beating, but when he opens his eyes and sees Qian watching him with tear-filled eyes, he becomes terribly anxious.

”Oh my ancestor! Don’t cry, every wrong is my fault. Apart from breaking up, you can decide anything, just please don’t cry, okay?”

”I have something to say to you.” She forced back her tears, making a significant decision in her heart.

Yu Minglang saw her so serious all of a sudden and a sense of ominousness arose inside him, and as she was about to speak, he placed a finger against her lips.

”Say nothing! If you dare mention breaking up, don’t blame me for spanking your little tush! I’ve made mistakes, but that doesn’t deserve a death sentence! You must give me a chance for education and reform!”

She once mentioned breaking up before, an experience Yu Minglang has never forgotten, and he’s now terrified of hearing those two words.

Qian shook her head.

”I don’t mean breaking up; I mean if you honestly want to marry... let’s give it a try.”

The worst outcome would be her difficulty adapting after marriage, with nightmares becoming more serious, and they could figure it out then.

She couldn’t believe that she, as a psychologist, couldn’t manage to get married.

Now there’s a divide between her consciousness and subconscious.

Consciousness is made up of controllable thoughts and ideas. Qian clearly recognizes that she loves Yu Minglang, wants to live with him, build a family, and marry him.

But opposing this is her subconscious.

Because of a failed child-rearing experience, Qian’s subconscious resisted marriage, fearing it would mirror her past life, and all this was beyond Qian’s control.

The subconscious is such a wondrous existence that influences our worldview without us sensing it. If Qian weren’t a psychologist, it might be easier — she could find a psychologist of Mr. Liu’s caliber to hypnotize her, directly access her subconscious, and modify her memory.

Qian used this method to treat other patients before, but Mr. Liu didn’t anticipate Qian having past-life memories, thus her pre-marital anxiety was more severe than expected. Even disregarding the rebirth factor, a self-controlled person like Qian couldn’t be hypnotically treated. Some people inherently resist hypnosis exceptionally well, and both Qian and Yu Minglang belong to this category.

Thus, Qian wants to gamble once. She wants to see what happens when she forcibly marries Yu Minglang, using her consciousness to fight her subconscious.

Upon hearing her agree to marriage, Yu Minglang didn’t immediately rejoice but instead gazed at her with deep eyes.

Qian waved her hand in front of him twice; how could his response be so contrary to her expectations?

”Let’s not rush.” Always hurrying to marry, Yu Minglang didn’t let joy cloud his judgment upon Qian’s consent, remaining calm instead.

”But you—”

”I am eager, I want to bring you home. But since you aren’t ready, let’s ease in without pressure.”

”I can try.”

Yu Minglang chuckled helplessly at her determined expression and could only rest his chin on her head.

”Look at the expression you have now; you’re acting like it’s a death penalty. Marriage is meant to be joyous, not nervous.”

With the expression Qian has now, those in the know would understand she’s deciding to marry him; outsiders might think her family grave just got dug up.

”You already know I have a bit of pre-marital anxiety, so please don’t pick on my expression not being spot-on, okay!” It’s indescribably painful to go against one’s instincts.

Right now, Qian thought vividly about what having an insurmountable psychological illness was like.

To put it bluntly, like wetting one’s pants.

Knowing something’s wrong but unable to control it, feeling self-loathing when it can’t be controlled, but just unable to control it.

Experiencing mental illness feels about like this.

Yu Minglang knows she’s making a significant effort to overcome her psychological fear, which is why he feels sorry for her and doesn’t want to pressure her.

”I’m not picking on your expression being off; I wish for my bride to marry me with a smile. Since you’re not ready yet, I can wait. Three years I’ve waited so far; a year more counts for little. Don’t think about anything. It’s my fault, entirely unrelated to you.”

He somewhat guessed Qian wasn’t upset but rather had red eyes saying she’d marry him due to knowing his real purpose for coming, and Yu Minglang didn’t want Qian to feel pressured or dive deeper into her anxiety. So he changed the subject directly.

”Qian, where did you get this towel, is it imported from the island?”

He took the towel off his head, trying to change the subject, not expecting it to lead to a supercritical clue!