Peerless Bodyguard of a Stunning Beauty

When the three women and their assistant heard that the ugly old man was a thousand-year-old Western zombie, they all stared, their mouths agape in shock. Lili observed the old man carefully. No matter how she looked at him, he didn’t resemble a Western zombie. Curious, she asked Zhao Rong, ”Brother Zhao Rong, this ugly old man is clearly of Asian descent... so why do you say he’s a Western zombie?”

Zhao Rong explained, ”If this guy were one of the East Asian Zombies, I would have already taken him down with mugwort and dog’s blood. But even after I splashed him with dog’s blood and struck him with mugwort, it had no effect. So obviously, he’s not one of our zombies, but a Western one.”

Before Zhao Rong could finish, the ugly old man suddenly realized he had been splashed with dog’s blood and that a stalk of mugwort was hanging around his neck. ”Damn it,” he said, bewildered. ”How are you humans so fast? Before I could even react, you doused me in dog’s blood and hung mugwort around my neck!”

Zhao Rong smiled and pointed to a DJI drone flying overhead. ”You Western zombie, didn’t you see the drone flying above you?”

When the Western zombie saw the drone, he flew into a rage and swatted it out of the sky. He boasted arrogantly, ”You humans are out of luck today, running into me, a Thousand-year-old Zombie... Now, I will kill all five of you!”

Before the zombie could finish his threat, Zhao Rong took out a package. He smiled at the three women and the assistant, saying, ”I bought this from the Paradise Shopping Cart specifically to deal with Western zombies. As soon as I open this, I can eliminate this incredibly powerful foe in less than thirty seconds.”

Hearing that Zhao Rong had bought a Divine Artifact from the Paradise Shopping Cart to fight the zombie, they immediately began speculating wildly.

Lili studied the small package and voiced her theory. ”Brother Zhao Rong, I think you must have bought an electromagnetic pulse weapon from the Paradise Shopping Cart. Only an EMP weapon could completely obliterate this zombie.”

Letting her imagination run wild, Yu Lan said, ”Brother Zhao Rong, I bet you bought a heavy machine gun! I’ve seen them in movies about urban warfare, and they’re incredibly effective at tearing up enemies. I think you’re going to shred this zombie into a pile of mincemeat!”

Xuelian smiled, certain of her own idea. ”Brother Zhao Rong, you definitely bought a mortar. Only execution by artillery would be satisfying enough to eliminate such an arrogant monster.”

The assistant, still shouldering his flamethrower, stepped forward and made his own wild guess. ”Brother Zhao Rong, I think you bought a Peach Wood Sword online. That’s the only thing that can kill a zombie!”

As they were all talking, Zhao Rong suddenly pulled a peach wood cross and a peach wood hammer from the small package.

When the others saw that Zhao Rong had merely bought a wooden cross to face the vicious creature, they were immediately skeptical. ”Brother Zhao Rong, you’re facing a ferocious monster! Do you really think you can kill it with a peach wood cross? That’s impossible!”

Lili was extremely worried. ”Brother Zhao Rong, forget about a cross! Even a submachine gun wouldn’t be enough to stop that thing. We should find a place to hide for now, observe the situation, and come up with a better plan!”

Yu Lan was baffled. ”Brother Zhao Rong, how are you supposed to use those two items together to defeat a thousand-year-old zombie?”

Xuelian, her imagination running wild again, suggested, ”Brother Zhao Rong, I bet there’s a powerful weapon hidden inside that peach wood cross! That’s the only way it could kill a thousand-year-old zombie.”

The assistant, however, was fascinated by the peach wood hammer. He stepped closer and said with a grin, ”Brother Zhao Rong, I think there’s more to that hammer you bought from the Paradise Shopping Cart than meets the eye. It must be hiding a surface-to-surface missile! When you swing the hammer to hit the Western zombie, a missile will launch out of it and blow the creature to smithereens!”

While everyone was guessing how Zhao Rong would use the cross and hammer together, the Thousand-year-old Zombie across from them burst into maniacal laughter. ”Have you humans been watching too many Hong Kong zombie movies? You morons actually think you can fight me, a Western zombie, with a peach wood cross and a wooden hammer? You’re hilarious! Now, let me show you what real power looks like!”

With that, the Western zombie tore the mask from his face. He rose from the ground and began to fly. When Zhao Rong and the others saw the shriveled old man suddenly transform into an enormous, monstrous zombie, they were once again stunned speechless.

Lili looked up at the zombie hovering in the sky, then picked up a brick from the ground and hurled it at him. ”I may not have a real weapon right now, Western zombie, but a brick is the ultimate multi-purpose tool! Have a taste of this!”

Yu Lan picked up a cobblestone and threw it at the flying creature. ”Cobblestones are badass weapons too! I bet this will crack your skull wide open!”

Just then, Xuelian grabbed a fire extinguisher from nearby, aimed it at the zombie, and began spraying wildly. ”You might be powerful, Western zombie, but I’m going to extinguish you first!”