My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1345: Chapter 1172: Reasons

The saddest person is the one who becomes someone else’s backup love, yet even after many years, in the eyes of others, they still can’t be seen as their true beloved.

”I know that this matter cannot be completely resolved with just an apology. The hurt you mentioned might be something I can never reconcile with in this lifetime. But do you know that all these years, I have truly cared for you? Yet, the moment you thought I was lying to you, I realized that no matter how much sincerity I gave, it might not earn your trust. Every harm, every doubt sealed the fate that we can’t be together in this life!”

Do you know that in these years with you, I sometimes felt genuinely happy, and other times very sad? I often reminisce about the paths I walked with her. I avoid, I dare not look at every path we walked together; every footprint frightens me. As soon as I open my eyes and see that place, I remember when we held hands and smiled happily on the street, chasing one another. Do you know? That feeling is truly delicate!

You also know that despite being together for so many years, we never had that kind of tacit understanding because, deep down, you also know that no matter how many mistakes I make, in your heart, I will never be the best, right?

You always think you can give me the happiness I want, but ask yourself, have you given me happiness? Have you ever given me the happiness I truly wanted?

Although sometimes I smile with you, do you know that those smiles are often forced, since it’s impossible to always keep a straight face with you, right?

Sincerely smiling from the heart with you is very rare. I don’t quite understand why. Maybe by telling you this now, it will hurt you deeply, and the blow will be significant. It may make you feel that you are indeed a failure of a man, unable to give your wife the joy and happiness she desires. But do you know some things need to be clarified now, if not, there won’t be another chance. I hope you can understand my inner pain!”

”Now you tell me to understand your inner pain, but have you ever thought about how much the words that you speak, and the actions you take, disgrace me? Clearly, you have done these things, and I really want to divorce you immediately, to completely drive you out of this house. But, for my father’s face, for the sake of the family business, I cannot do so. If I do, the consequences will be unimaginable. My father’s company would face a huge financial gap; what should I do then?”

I can’t let my father endure such a big risk again because of my matters. I once gave him nothing but harm, and what about you? You believe once you give me something, what do I get?

For you, I went as far as to threaten my own father. What else do you think I should do for you to be satisfied? Hearts are made of flesh, they can grow cold and they can hurt. Why do you treat me like this?

Don’t you know that I’m afraid I will truly get heartbroken and tears will fall?

They say a woman’s heart is the most venomous, but I never thought my wife would treat me like this. I thought no matter what you did, at least your heart still held me, but now, even that last illusion has shattered. No matter what you do, the person in your heart is not me, and I suffer for nothing but to be able to drift away from you. It makes your guilt feel a bit less. But do you know every word you say, every time you reject me, it makes me feel that you think I don’t love you enough, am not genuine to you enough? Desperately I keep giving you my whole heart again and again, but you choose to hurt me in this way. Is that fair to me? Watching me in agony again and again, is your heart really happy, really satisfied?”

”I have already sincerely apologized to you, I have said sorry. What else do you want me to do? Do you want me to kneel and apologize? Whose life doesn’t go through irrational obsession? Maybe you think that what I’m doing is insulting you, but do you know my love for him will never change in this lifetime, it wasn’t until he left that I realized how much I loved him, that love is bone-deep. Do you know how painful it is, looking at him and seeing my own shadow, looking at every picture of him, wondering how dreadfully it aches inside? Over the years I’ve kept you from touching my things because I feared you’ll find out all my secrets. I feared that day would come, and if it did, I wouldn’t know how to explain it to you. Today I choose to confess everything, just so you understand some things are beyond our control!”

”Do you know, for just a brief arrangement, I once fervently prayed in front of the Buddha for a thousand years. I carried all of our past memories, walking step by step to today, only wanting to be with you. But in the end, I got you, but I didn’t get your heart. I gave you everything, and in the end, you gave me a massive blow and hurt!”

Right now, you’re ridiculously obsessive, no matter how you treat him, he will never come back to you. All you can ever see is his silhouette; do you think that’s okay? Have you considered the pain it brings to me as a husband? You always think what you’re doing is right, but do you realize your actions have hurt two people? Can you understand how this leaves the two of us men with guilt and conflict? I don’t know how else to talk to you. Perhaps I’m merely a lowly speck of dust in your eyes, an insignificant thing, but do you know, even sand can shine one day, and you can sparkle like a diamond, but you will never see it because you’ve completely dimmed my light!”

”I’m sorry, truly sorry!”

”Stop coming to me with apologies. I hope you can stop fantasizing. No matter how many times you think about it, he won’t come back into your arms. No matter how far you go for him, he won’t turn around and look at you. The past is gone, and you can only silently endure the pain in your heart, and now all you can do is inch closer and closer to destruction. I will never touch you again!”

Perhaps irrational obsession is what people love doing most. In all eyes, even if you give everything, he still won’t make you the person he loves the most.