My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1310: Chapter 1139: It Won’t Change

Whose past hasn’t been touched by a little bit of pain? When time and again you bury all your past as tears deep within yourself, at that moment you should realize that wasn’t really what you wanted. When it happens again and again, it’s merely the source of pain deep inside you, who can truly understand?

”We’re all adults now, and you should understand many things that children cannot. Often, respecting the deceased is the most basic morality. You know that when there’s no way to save them, forcibly keeping her in this world will only make her very painful, you know? Tubes all over the body, hooked up to a ventilator, that feeling is really painful. Unable to move daily, relying entirely on those machines to sustain life signs, the moment you fall away from those machines, your life will end. Do you know how this feeling can break you inside? Perhaps you never thought about how your grandfather feels. What you think is just your own wishful thinking.”

”Yichen, you speak so easily now, but if one day your grandpa was like mine, with tubes all over and a ventilator to maintain life, would your heart still be as big as it is now? Could you still stand here and say these things to me as if nothing happened? Often, you should put yourself in my shoes. Every time you say these words to me, I feel extremely uncomfortable. Watching my grandpa lie there while I’m helpless, I’d rather the one lying there be me. Seeing my grandpa restricted by those machines and unable to move, it makes me so uncomfortable, do you understand?” Lei Jian said to Zhang Yichen, ”I know we are brothers, though not sharing the same blood, but our relationship is not less than any siblings, do you understand? I don’t know if you can feel my feelings, but my heart is extremely uncomfortable. If someone who cared for me suddenly has to leave, I absolutely cannot accept it!”

Zhang Yichen sighed, he felt his brother was right. If it were his grandpa lying here, needing a ventilator to live, his heart would certainly not feel at ease. His grandpa had been so good to him, even if he hit him once, he never intended to harm him. Regardless of his decisions, grandpa always supported him unconditionally. But if someday grandpa truly left him, what choice would he make? He can’t live without his grandpa now; he holds him more important than his own parents because grandpa accompanied him for over ten years, watched him grow up, gave him everything. It’s grandpa who trained him to become who he is today, so he absolutely cannot allow his grandpa, who nurtured him, to be hurt in the slightest. Although he is over ninety now, he still hopes he can live safely to over a hundred, seeing grandpa live on would only bring him joy, not sadness. But he’s really afraid of that day coming, if it does, what is he supposed to do?

”Actually, don’t think I’m talking without understanding. There are times I’m very worried too, I’m very afraid my grandpa would end up lying here motionless like yours. I’m scared of that day coming, that’s why I want to comfort you. I know if it were my grandpa here now, my feelings would surely be worse than yours because my grandpa treats me even better than yours treats you. Do you know that a relative’s departure means rebirth in another world? In this world, she’s severely ill, full of disease and unable to live happily anymore. Perhaps leaving is the only release for her. In another world, she wouldn’t have to endure disease and pain anymore and could live happily. But for those living in this world, it’s a torment, watching your relative leave while being helpless. That feeling is really frustrating. Sometimes we should learn to grow ourselves. Without hardships, how can there be a rainbow? If you don’t struggle over these difficult challenges step by step, how can you grow? I know now it’s an predetermined ending, but when that day comes, no one can accept it. I also know what your grandpa is like. You should understand he’s lived this long with your mom’s kidney. Sometimes you should think from another angle. For your grandpa, leaving now wouldn’t be a regret because he’s lived using his daughter’s kidney without ever knowing whose it was. Don’t you think your grandpa should feel happy now? Because he had another kidney, lived so many more years, and watched his grandson grow up; don’t you think your grandpa would be happy?”

”Okay, I know what to do now. Maybe after some time my mom will see these things lightly. Time changes, and it’s the best remedy for pain. I can’t give you a definite answer now because I can’t yet accept that my grandpa is gone. Seeing him, I just can’t live happily. Once time passes and my mood settles, I’ll come find you. Thank you for coming here today to comfort me, letting me understand that the predetermined ending can’t be changed by myself. Now you surely can’t offer grandpa a miracle, grandpa already took a kidney from mom, if he knew, how painful would it be for him to realize that the kidney keeping him alive was from his daughter. That would undoubtedly be the lifelong pain for him. If he realizes it, he’d leave with regret, unable to close his eyes in peace...”

”It’s good you understand. Once you see through all this, you won’t be sad over anything anymore. You’ll become unbreakable. I won’t talk to you much here. My wife’s pregnant, so I need to go back and take care of her. If there’s anything just call me, I’ll come straight to you!”

”So many things are predetermined, never to change. No one knows what regretful things they might have done, and no one knows if their past choices were right or wrong. Even with doubts, one presses on, once deeply confused without knowing how to decide. Only when realizing those choices were the deepest pain, do they see how wrong they were.”