My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1333: Chapter 1162: Who Hasn’t Daydreamed?

Everyone has flights of fancy, dreaming of things that never truly belonged to them, never forgetting, and even if they did forget that day, they’ve only changed their thinking entirely.

”Dad, I’ve already made it very clear. I returned to this family with no other demands. I just hope to live happily and joyfully. Why can’t you even meet this simple request?

I really don’t mean anything else. I just want to live cheerfully and happily, and that would be enough. Why can’t you try to think from my perspective and consider how miserable and painful my life is?

All I desire is a stable life. Since you all initially agreed to let me return to this family, why are you saying these things to me now? Where does saying such things leave me?

You know deep down inside the sadness and the pain, but do I not know them too? You’re human, and I’m human. You’re not gods, and neither am I. I’m not a saint either. Why have you never considered how I’ve lived all these years outside from my perspective?

I know you’ve been silently watching my every move, but you’ve never asked me to come home because you’re afraid. Afraid that once I come back, I’ll harm you again. But now that I’m back home, I’ve ultimately harmed you, so you think deep inside I shouldn’t have returned, and you push all the blame onto me.

Is this family’s current state really because I came back? If my return is the reason, then I can leave. I refuse to believe that leaving will make everything perfect like it was before. I will never believe the consequences were my fault. I hope you don’t push all the responsibility onto me. It’s not a way to solve the problem. When you push it all on me time and time again, does my heart feel nothing, truly?

I really can’t do it, because I’m not a saint. What I want is very simple—that everyone lives joyfully and happily. I could give up everything for that, but why won’t you consider how hard my life is from my angle?

Old Master Zhang was so furious with his son that he was speechless. What does it mean to say I haven’t considered his feelings from his perspective, that I haven’t thought about his hardships? Have I really had an easy life over the years? Missing her over and over, sending people to protect her secretly repeatedly, tracing his steps time and time again, and what has he given me in return all these years—only hurt. Leaving aside everything else, just the recent few times have already brought me so much harm and pain. I have never asked for anything else; is it really that my demands were too strict?

”Do you think you’re overthinking? Have I ever said anything to you since you came home these many days? Did I give you a hard time? Ask yourself honestly, how much sadness and disappointment have you brought to this family over these days, but have any of us blamed you? We’ve continued to believe and accept you, because we know everyone has it hard. Living in this world requires bearing a lot of pressure; we understand and sympathize with you. But why can’t you understand our painstaking efforts? Your wife has already turned out like this, and you haven’t cared about her. Yet, here you are arguing with me about who’s right or wrong. Are these rights and wrongs really that important? Is your family’s health and wellbeing not important in your eyes? What, in your eyes, is considered a big deal?

Sometimes I really want to ask myself, if I were to die right here, would you not even shed a tear? I’m truly afraid if I die here without a single tear, then why have I raised you all these years? Is the person I’ve worked so hard to raise really such an ungrateful person? How can I accept that my heart doesn’t feel unfair?

You should know how much I’ve sacrificed over the years. I also understand how much you’ve sacrificed. Everyone gives something, and everyone also receives something in return, but how much is returned is not something anyone can measure. We each walk different paths, and the results we get are different. You understand this principle better than anyone, so why are you treating me like this now? What good does treating me this way bring you? Why can’t you consider how much my heart aches and is sorrowful from my perspective?”

”My biological father, are you really my biological father? I never thought you would one day speak such cruel words to me. You place all the burdens on me. In your eyes, my existence is your disgrace, your shame. Have you thought about whom I should blame for where I am today? At first, when I was shamelessly trying to return home, begging you all, who was it that cold-heartedly shut the door on me? You only focus on my mistakes but never consider the pain you brought me. I’ve made mistakes time and time again; doesn’t it have anything to do with you?

You’re my father, I know. This fact has always been in my heart, and I’ve never tried to change it, because you are my father, and it makes me proud. But just because I am proud doesn’t mean my heart can accept all the pain without limits. Have you ever considered how I, as your son, feel deep down? How do you know I haven’t seen my daughter-in-law? I also hope she is well, but some matters are just beyond my control. I am not a doctor, I can’t perform miracles. All I can do is pray again and again for her safety and wellbeing. Isn’t that enough? What else do you want me to do? Leave this home, or perhaps drive myself to the hospital for depression?

I know telling you these words today might make you upset and feel unfair, but now you’ve pushed me to this point, and I have no way out. I can only fight back with death, as I refuse to believe there’s no justice. I refuse to believe I have to take all the responsibility for things unrelated to me!”

The edge of pain is never self-imposed, but when you reach the edge time and time again, you keep thinking about crossing it—finally turning yourself into a life where all pain is self-imposed. You can’t blame anyone else. I’ve already taken responsibility for past mistakes, and now all I want is something so simple.