Urban God of Rebate: Infinite Returns Of Women And Powers

”I’d inherited the company by then,” he said. ”And I had the full picture of what my father had done in 1985. The Kellerman decision. What it had cost the workers specifically. What it had cost James Walsh.” He paused. ”I couldn’t make it right. There’s no version of making that right. But I.” He stopped. ”I needed to know if there was anything still there that could be helped. Anyone still living with the damage.”

”The clinic,” said Sean.

Richard went very still.

”Eleanor Vance is thorough,” said Sean.

Richard held his fork.

”I was hoping nobody would find that,” he said.

”She did,” said Sean. ”She presented it as circumstantial. She thinks it was you.”

”It was me,” said Richard.

”And Margaret Walsh,” said Sean. ”Does she know it was from you.”

”No,” said Richard. ”It was anonymous. It was supposed to stay anonymous.” He looked at Sean. ”It wasn’t a gesture I wanted credit for. It was a very small thing against a very large damage. I didn’t want to make it into something that required me to be thanked.”

Sean sat with that.

He thought about Eleanor’s note. He’s not performing remorse.

He thought about a union of workers and a pension fund and forty-seven years and a clinic in a neighborhood that had moved three times.

”I want to ask you something,” said Sean.

”Anything,” said Richard.

”The letter,” said Sean. ”The one in her personal files.”

Richard’s expression changed in a specific way.

”You know about that,” said Richard.

”Eleanor found it,” said Sean. ”She included it. The second paragraph.”

Richard looked at the table.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I don’t know if I’m asking for anything or just wanting you to know.

”She wanted me to know she existed,” said Sean. ”That’s what the letter was. She’d spent twenty years raising me alone and doing it well and she wanted you to know that somewhere without knowing how to ask for it.”

Richard was quiet for a long moment.

”I didn’t know about the letter,” he said. ”Until now.”

”I know,” said Sean.

”If I’d known.” Richard stopped.

”You might have contacted her,” said Sean. ”And she might have sent you away. And she might not have. And now we’ll never know which.”

”No,” said Richard. ”We won’t.”

The restaurant was doing its Thursday noon things around them, entirely indifferent to what was happening in the booth at the back.

Sophie ate some of her food. She was doing the watching thing, the full attention without insertion.

”Sean,” said Richard.

”Yeah.”

”I want to say something,” said Richard. ”And I want you to know I’m not saying it as a negotiation or as an attempt to make anything easier for myself.”

”Say it,” said Sean.

Richard held his gaze with the specific tired steadiness.

”Your mother built something remarkable without anything I should have given her,” he said. ”What you are. Who you are from everything I’ve been able to find. That’s her. All of it. Whatever she was trying to say in that letter, the answer to it is sitting across from me in this booth and it’s everything she built and that’s.” He stopped. ”I’m very sorry I didn’t know her. I’m very sorry I made the choice that made that the way things were. And I’m very glad she built what she built anyway.”

Sean looked at him.

Business Insight was running.

What it found was the same thing it had found from the first word of the call. Not a performance. Just a man.

”I know,” said Sean.

He held Richard’s gaze.

”I’m not going to tell you it’s okay,” he said. ”Because it’s not and it wasn’t and she’s not here to have that said to her which is the part that can’t be fixed.” He held Richard’s gaze steadily. ”But I’m also not here to hold the damage permanently in front of you. That’s not what she’d have wanted and it’s not what I want either.”

Richard was very still.

”So what does that mean,” he said.

”It means Thursday lunch at a place I picked,” said Sean. ”And we see what comes after that.”

Richard looked at him for a long moment.

Then Sophie, who had been eating her food with the quiet patience of someone who had been waiting for exactly the right moment, looked at Sean.

”Can I ask the load-bearing question now,” she said.

Both Sean and Richard looked at her.

She held Sean’s gaze directly.

”What was she like,” she said. ”Specifically. Not in general. What was specifically Catherine Walsh-Miller like.”

Sean held Sophie’s gaze.

He thought about a woman who remembered the names of the people who built what she designed.

He thought about a twelve year old watching her family’s financial security disappear and growing up sharp and determined because of it.

He thought about site visits and disagreements about structural things and being right and not apologizing for being right.

He thought about sixteen and a fast-moving cancer and the specific terrible timing of someone who was extraordinary being taken before the world had finished understanding that.

He thought about a second paragraph that stopped.

He thought about what she would say right now if she could say anything.

’Tell them,’ she’d say. That’s what she’d say. Exactly that. No performance around it.

He looked at Sophie.

”She was the most accurate person I’ve ever known,” he said. ”She said the true thing. Every time. Not the comfortable version. The actual thing.” He paused. ”She remembered the names of the people who built the buildings she designed. Not because it was useful. Because it was what you did when you were paying attention properly.”

Sophie had put her fork down.

She was listening with the same complete attention she’d been carrying all through lunch except now it was directed completely at him without any of the watching-from-the-side quality.

”She was funny,” Sean said. ”In the specific way of people who learned early that humor was the best available response to difficulty. She said things that were accurate and slightly infuriating simultaneously, like a specific person I won’t name.” He looked at Sophie when he said this and she pressed her lips together. ”She knew what things actually were. Not what they appeared to be. What they were.”