Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Girousse’s manic roar still echoed through the cavern.

The silver domain Elaniel struggled to maintain flickered violently. Its edges were now as thin and fragile as a cicada’s wing, threatening to shatter completely at any moment. All color had drained from the Elf Queen’s face, leaving her beautiful features with the lifeless, pallid texture of carved jade.

‘No! If Her Majesty actually goes down, this won’t be entertainment anymore—it’ll be a major stage accident!’Celeste’s internal alarms blared.’I came here for a show, not to watch some grimdark tragedy titled “The Queen’s Tears and the Goblin’s Laughter.” That’s way too messed up for my tastes! I’m a pure romance fan, damn it!’Her gaze darted between the slick, frozen floor and the trembling form of Girousse, and a brilliantly unhinged idea sparked in her mind.’Wait a second… this place is freezing, and the ice rink Su Wan made has to be sub-zero. If I nail this green-skinned freak with a high-pressure water gun right now… would he freeze solid on the spot? A perfect piece of performance art!’

If a wild idea like that actually worked, her Elation Coins would surely skyrocket.

No sooner said than done.

The holy golden flames had barely dissipated from the muzzle of the Sky-Piercing AK-47 in Celeste’s hands when the weapon’s internal energy converter emitted a crisp click.

Ammunition mode: switched.

“Da-da-da-da-da!”

The roar of the gun exploded once more, but this time, it spat out something entirely different. Gone was the golden holy light that purified all filth. In its place shot a long stream of crystal-clear water element bullets, each one trailing wisps of frigid air.

The barrage was no longer overbearing and destructive; instead, it carried a persistent, clinging quality, like a sudden, freezing rainstorm pouring down directly on Girousse’s head.

The Goblin King was focusing every ounce of his mental energy into forming the most vicious psychic spikes, relentlessly assaulting Elaniel’s wall of will. He paid this seemingly gentle attack no mind. That golden beam from before had certainly startled him, but he knew an attack of that magnitude must come with severe restrictions; it couldn’t possibly be used consecutively.

As for these water bullets? They were a complete joke.

“Insolent reptile! Is this pathetic little attack meant to give the great Captain Girousse a bath?” he sneered, finding the leisure to mock her even now.

However, the moment the first water bullet slapped squarely against his oily green face, the contemptuous smile on his lips froze solid.

The “instant freezing” Celeste had hoped for didn’t happen. But the bone-chilling cold and the spray of water exploding across his head made him feel as if he’d been unceremoniously dumped into a frozen lake in the dead of winter.

What was worse, the icy splashes landed on the smooth ice beneath his feet, making the already treacherous surface even more slippery.

Girousse stumbled, nearly launching into another round of his comical “ice gymnastics.” He was forced to divert a sliver of his concentration just to steady himself and maintain his “artist’s” dignity.

It was this momentary distraction that made all the difference.

The light of Elaniel’s near-collapsing silver domain surged, actually managing to force Girousse’s mental assault back for a split second.

“Damn it!” Girousse cursed under his breath, finally realizing the true purpose of these water bullets. It wasn’t about damage at all.

It was harassment.

Pure, unadulterated, maddening harassment.

The barrage of water element bullets seemed to have a mind of its own, homing in on the most irritating spots on Girousse’s body.

Some splashed against his face, the frigid water stinging his eyes and blinding him.

Some pelted the ice beneath his feet, forcing him into an out-of-control waltz just to stay upright.

And some, with pinpoint accuracy, drilled into the gaps of his tattered clothes, the freezing liquid clinging directly to his greasy green skin.

Girousse felt like he was going insane. It was as if he were being swarmed by dozens of unruly brats armed with high-pressure water guns. There wasn’t a single dry—or comfortable—spot on his entire body.

Cold liquid trickled down his skin, making him feel like a mangy dog just fished out of a mud pit—wet, cold, and sticky. That carefully maintained “aristocratic air” of his shattered into a million pieces.

“Stop! You vulgar woman! Stop it!” he roared, his voice cracking with exasperation.

The only response was an even denser “da-da-da” of incoming water bullets.

[Ding! Ally Elaniel’s mental pressure has been greatly relieved! She finds your fighting style… quite “unique.” Elation Coins +999!]

[Ding! Teammate Su Wan believes you have found the correct way to use the water element. Elation Coins +333!]

[Ding! The “artist’s” mentality of the target, Girousse, is collapsing. Elation Coins +1234!]

Although she was raking in a decent amount of Elation Coins, the core problem remained unsolved.

Celeste watched Girousse slip and slide wildly on the ice, blinking thoughtfully.

‘Tsk, he didn’t freeze. What a pity. Guess his magic resistance is pretty high.’

Her peripheral vision remained locked on Elaniel. The Queen’s condition had only been pulled back from the brink of collapse; her domain was still fluctuating violently, showing no real signs of recovery. Girousse’s total mental power was simply far greater than hers.

If this dragged on, Her Majesty would still lose.

‘Can’t waste any more time. The Queen’s mana bar is dropping faster than this green-skinned goblin’s dignity.’Celeste’s thoughts sharpened.’Looks like I need to bring out the big guns. Something that can really seal the deal.’

Her mind was made up in an instant.

Just as Girousse, flustered by the relentless water-gunning, was caught off guard by another of Elaniel’s counter-pushes and screamed in rage, it happened.

The magical, cheerful BGM that had connected throughout the cavern stopped abruptly.

The huge virtual screen hovering above Celeste’s head flickered twice, its light dimming before it silently dissipated into nothing.

The sudden, deafening silence stunned everyone.

Only the sound of heavy breathing and the distant roars of monsters remained, yet an oppressive weight, more heart-stopping than the previous noise, settled over the cavern.

Whether it was Eldara and Baroque locked in their fierce duel, or the Elven Legion fighting desperately against the tide of monsters, everyone subconsciously paused their actions. They had, bizarrely, grown accustomed to fighting under the spell of that magical BGM.

This abrupt quiet was far more unnerving than the prior hail of bullets had ever been.

“Hm? Why did it stop?” Girousse was momentarily stunned, then his face split into a gleeful, wicked grin. “Hahahaha! Have you finally used up all your cheap tricks? Damn you and your gaudy toys! Now, it’s my turn!”

He sneered, preparing to gather his mental power once more to deliver the final, crushing blow to Elaniel.

But his laughter died in his throat.

Because he saw the pink-haired, twin-tailed idol priest slowly lower the “water gun” in her hands.

The sweet, frilly idol attire receded from her body like a tide, dissolving into motes of pink and blue light that vanished into the air. As the last of the light dots dissipated, she stood once more in the simple white-and-red robes of a priestess.

But the relaxed, joyful, and slightly playful aura that had defined her was also gone, erased without a trace.

Celeste slowly raised her head.

Her eyes had changed.

Those eyes, which always seemed to carry the hint of a smile, were now as deep as an abyss, as placid as an ancient well. They seemed to hold the sediment of a thousand years of time.

“The warm-up is over.”

She reached out a hand and lightly snapped her fingers. The sound was crisp and final.

“And now…” Her voice was a low, chilling murmur, devoid of all previous mirth.

“It is time to settle the contract.”

With a silent command, she spoke to the system in the depths of her mind. ‘System, use the Zhongli trial card!’

A power, more magnificent, more ancient, and heavier than any transformation she had ever undergone, exploded from within her.

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]