Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

A scream, so shrill it warped the very air, tore from Girousse’s mouth—a mouth now permanently imprinted with the complex pattern of a greatshield.

He began to convulse wildly, flopping and thrashing like a live fish abandoned on a cutting board. Yet his struggles were as comical as they were futile. Four of Xia Lian’s arrows, fired from impossibly clever angles, had pinned the tails of his tuxedo firmly to the icy floor, immobilizing him.

The searing pain radiating from his backside, the burning humiliation branded onto his face, and the utter powerlessness of his current predicament completely shattered the self-righteous “elegance” he held so dear.

“You… you damned barbarians! You lowly vermin! Do you even know what art is?!”

For the first time, an unconcealable thread of panic laced Girousse’s roar.

He couldn’t wrap his little green head around how the battle had collapsed so spectacularly. The grand, artistic welcoming ceremony he had carefully prepared for his future queen had devolved into an absolute farce.

First, his pride and joy, the subtle art of mind control, had crumbled to dust before the inexplicable “hair-dyeing technique” of some pink-haired Priestess.

Then, that same outrageous Priestess had single-handedly suppressed his strongest undead legion commander, beating the Plague Messenger Noth so thoroughly he couldn’t even lift his head.

And now, he himself—a great “artist” on the very cusp of unifying the world—was being ground into the dirt by three women he had dismissed as mere “dowry maids”!

His cherished mental domination was useless!

His improvised attack magic was neutralized with insulting ease!

His undead minions proved as fragile as paper before that terrifying female knight!

This whole battle was an exercise in pure frustration!

“Selene, don’t waste your breath on him. Strike while the iron is hot,” Su Wan’s voice cut through the air, calm and cold as the frost condensing on her fingertips.

“Roger that!” Selene shot back with a sneer, heaving the immovable mountain of a greatshield high once more. “Taste the shield combo! I’m gonna make your face bloom like a flower!”

“Stop! You vulgar—!”

Girousse’s shriek came to an abrupt halt.

Just as Selene’s shield was about to reacquaint itself with his already-stamped face, an invisible mental storm detonated silently, with the goblin king at its epicenter. It wasn’t the precise art of manipulation he so favored; this was the pure, brute-force violence of a player flipping the entire chessboard.

Selene felt the sound of the entire world being sucked away into a vacuum. In the next second, an invisible spike pierced her consciousness, and her vision was instantly swallowed by an ink-like darkness. Her thoughts were violently stirred into a pot of boiling mush. The shield, held high and ready to strike, froze in mid-air.

She let out a pained groan as a warm liquid gushed from her nose. Wiping at it instinctively, she pulled her hand back to see it slick with bright red blood.

The spell Su Wan had been preparing dissipated in an instant. She clutched her forehead, a sharp cry escaping her lips. It felt as if invisible files were frantically grinding against her temples, sending sparks flying from every link in her chain of thought.

Xia Lian’s situation was the worst. She had never been known for her willpower. A wave of intense dizziness and nausea surged into her throat. The entire world twisted, spun, and tilted in her vision until she could no longer even stand steady, stumbling to her knees.

“Haha… Hahahahaha!”

Lying on the ice, Girousse began to laugh, a crazed, pathological sound that echoed through the cavern. The mental shockwave had incidentally shattered the arrows pinning his limbs.

He rolled over and scrambled to his feet. Gazing at the pained expressions of the three Priestesses, the madness of absolute control reignited in his small, mung-bean-sized eyes.

“So that’s it! So that’s it! Your souls may be able to resist my ‘Mental Domination,’ but your mental power itself is pathetically weak!” he crowed. “You cannot comprehend my art, but you should at least be able to understand pure violence!”

He spread his arms wide. The violent mental energy gathered around him once more, crashing against them in invisible, giant surges that continuously assaulted their mental defenses.

“Is this the bridal challenge that the future queen and you, her dowry maids, have set for me? How very interesting! Just watch as I break you, one by one!”

His gaze slid past the three women, landing on the elven army in the distance, which was still locked in close-quarters combat with his undead subordinates.

“Since you can resist, I’ll let those fragile elves bear my wrath in your stead!”

He sneered, about to pivot the lead of his mental assault toward the elven army.

Just then, a cold, dignified, yet utterly exhausted voice rang through the entire cave.

“Your opponent is me.”

Without anyone noticing, Elaniel had arrived at a position not far from the “throne.”

The pure silver domain shimmering around her was far dimmer than before. It was clear that maintaining the domain, the purification field, and protecting her entire army simultaneously had pushed the Elf Queen to her absolute limit.

But in that moment, her domain suddenly contracted with unmatched intensity, collapsing into a solid silver light shield that enveloped Selene, Su Wan, and Xia Lian, along with herself.

Girousse’s violent mental shockwave collided with the light shield and, like a clay ox thrown into the sea, was instantly dissipated into nothingness.

“Your Majesty!” Selene and the others cried out, the crushing pressure vanishing as they quickly turned to look at their queen.

Elaniel’s skin had lost its vibrant luster of life, taking on the pallor of polished marble. On the corner of her lips, a striking smear of blood looked like the only crack on a perfect sculpture.

She had, on her own, engaged in several long-distance mental confrontations with Girousse, and had just forcibly absorbed the explosive aftermath of his recent attack into her own domain.

“Oh? My future queen, are you finally willing to enter the fray yourself?” Girousse purred, looking at Elaniel with a greed and possessiveness so intense it was almost a physical substance.

“Wonderful! This is what I desire! To collide with you on a soul-deep level, to feel every struggle of your will, and finally, to conquer you completely! This is the highest form of art!”

He licked his lips and activated his mental power again, shaping it into an invisible spear that he stabbed fiercely at Elaniel’s domain.

The silver light shield vibrated violently, and Elaniel’s figure swayed. Fine beads of cold sweat seeped from her temples.

This was a pure confrontation of wills.

Girousse’s mental power was a vast, filthy, chaotic ocean of ink, attempting to pollute everything it touched.

Elaniel’s willpower was a pure, noble, orderly canvas, vowing to protect the pristine white at its core.

Two diametrically opposed forces began the most primitive battle of devouring and purification imaginable.

Selene looked at the Queen’s pale face, her own eyes turning red with anxiety and helplessness.

“Sister! Come help! Her Majesty can’t hold on much longer!” she shouted toward the distant figure who was still swaying rhythmically to some unheard music.

Trapped within the Queen’s protective domain, they couldn’t intervene. They were forced to watch as Elaniel endured the assault alone.

Meanwhile, Celeste was having the time of her life.

The Sky-Piercing AK-47 in her hands was as steady as a mounted turret. A golden barrage of holy light suppressed the Plague Messenger Noth, forcing him into a passive defense, unable to muster any effective counterattack.

She even had the leisure to hum along with her own BGM.

“Little Barbara, praying at the church~♪”

Da da da da da!

“Always loves to charge right in~♪”

Da da da da da!

The roar of the muzzle, the sheer pleasure of salvation through overwhelming holy firepower—this was the true happiness of being a priest!

She watched with extreme satisfaction as Noth’s shield, a desperate construct of bone and ice crystals, continuously disintegrated, reformed, and disintegrated again under her onslaught.

‘Trying to play a war of attrition with me?’ she thought smugly. ‘You probably don’t know what this baby is called! Sky-Piercing AK-47, complete with a Holy Light Conversion Ammo Depot! As long as I’ve got the stamina, I can purify you until your ancestors’ graves start smoking!’

Just then, her sister’s desperate cry for help pierced the battlefield din.

She glanced over out of the corner of her eye and instantly grasped the situation.

‘Good grief, that green-skinned goblin has no martial virtue, pulling out a mental AOE? Her Majesty is tanking the front line? And she’s already spitting blood?’

‘If Elaniel goes down, some… unbroadcastable plot developments I’d rather not see are definitely going to happen.’

‘Nope. Gotta wrap this up. I need to finish this undead scrub here, and then go help out.’

Celeste’s eyes narrowed. Simple fire suppression was no longer enough.

She stopped her hypnotic swaying, spread her legs, and planted her feet firmly on the ground.

“The warm-up segment of the concert ends here,” she issued a cold declaration in Barbara’s impossibly sweet voice.

“Next up is the chorus! Are you ready to welcome big sister’s blessing?!”

She raised the muzzle slightly, aiming directly at Noth’s pale, handsome face. The surging Holy Light Power within her poured into the magazine without reservation.

“Lord Barbatos will surely forgive you!”

“So, let big sister send you to meet Him!”

“Ultimate Art: Dazzling Miracle ♪ — Sky-Piercing AK-47 Converted Version — Musou no Hitotachi!”

She pulled the trigger.

This time, it was not the violent staccato of “da da da” that rang out.

Instead, everything in the cave—the sound, the light, the very air—was swallowed by the single, extreme point of gold that bloomed at the muzzle of her gun.

It was a roar so dull and deep it made the soul tremble.

A golden beam of light, condensed to its absolute limit and shot through with visible particles of Holy Light and ripples of the water element, erupted forth, becoming a law of erasure unto itself.

It did not tear the air. It vaporized it. It wiped away all filth on its trajectory, leaving a trail of absolute vacuum across the battlefield.

It arrived in an instant.

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]