Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Celeste’s voice wasn’t a shout, yet it cut through the din of the roaring battlefield, landing with surgical precision in the ears of every key figure.

Elaniel’s gaze locked onto her instantly.

The storm brewing in the Elf Queen’s wine-red eyes abruptly stilled, the roiling emotions freezing into a mask of pure astonishment.

Dealing with the undead?

For a priestess to claim she was good at dealing with the undead was, of course, perfectly reasonable. But the one she intended to deal with was Noth, the Plague Emissary.

He was a high-ranking Necromancer Lord, a commander of undead legions, a walking natural disaster. He was not some common skeleton soldier that could be burned to ash with a single beam of holy light.

The Queen’s gaze fell upon Celeste’s face. That face, which usually wore a mask of three-parts laziness and seven-parts jest, had shed all expression. All that remained was a calmness focused to an extreme degree. Those eyes, always carrying a hint of mockery, were now bottomless pits from which only a cold, surging battle intent emanated.

The monstrous rage Elaniel had felt at having her sacred lineage desecrated had already been scattered to the winds the moment she saw those twelve muscular elves sporting cherry-blossom pink pigtails. Now, looking at Celeste, that anger quietly transformed.

An emotion called “anticipation” broke through the soil in the depths of her heart.

She was suddenly, incredibly curious. This priestess, who always brought “surprises,” what kind of “spectacular” performance was she preparing to present this time?

Come to think of it, this would be the first time she could watch it live with her own eyes.

“Eldara!” Elaniel’s decision was as swift as lightning.

“Present!”

“That Frost Troll—leave it to you.”

Eldara’s eyes had long been fixed on Korlak, the hulking warlord who gripped a massive metal cudgel and radiated an aura of pure violence.

“Understood!”

Battle intent flared in her crimson eyes. Her figure flickered, transforming into a streak of black lightning as she took the initiative, charging her target. Her swordsmanship was agile and deadly, the perfect counter to such heavy, power-based opponents.

“Baroque!”

“At your command!”

“You will lead the Royal Knights and stall that yeti! Remember, stall it! Do not engage head-on!”

“Yes, Your Majesty!” Baroque roared, striking his breastplate with a heavy gauntlet. Brilliant golden holy light erupted from his body. He raised his shield high, leading a squad of the most elite paladins forward like a moving golden wall to intercept Noinam, the yeti leader who was pressing down on them like a collapsing mountain.

Celeste took a single step forward, her thoughts shifting.

‘System, let’s get this party started.’

[Character Card: Barbara (Special Armament Form) – Activated!]

In an instant, the entire noisy, blood-soaked battlefield seemed to have its vocal cords pinched, falling into a dead, ringing silence.

A pink-and-blue halo, even more dazzling and bursting with girlish charm than the previous Cleansing Spell, engulfed Celeste in a dreamlike swirl of light. In this subterranean cavern, a place defined by darkness, decay, and slaughter, this light was the most arrogant provocation imaginable to the grim surroundings.

The light dissipated.

The simple priestess robe Celeste had been wearing was gone. In its place was a gorgeous, ceremonial idol dress adorned with lace and bows, its hem swaying gently with her every movement. Her long hair was now tied into playful, spiraling pigtails that draped nimbly over her shoulders.

The most eye-catching feature, however, was the assault rifle in her hands, painted in a striking combination of champagne gold and sky blue. The gun’s body gleamed with a cold metallic luster, and its muzzle flickered with dangerous magical Khvarena, clashing with her sweet idol appearance to create a vision of lethal absurdity.

“It’s here, it’s here!” Selene clenched her fists, her eyes shining with excitement. “The Sky-Piercing AK-47! Machine gun strafing time!”

Su Wan still maintained her cold and aloof persona, but the corners of her mouth, which she couldn’t quite stop from curling upward, completely betrayed her inner glee.

Xia Lian skillfully crouched down, precisely hiding herself behind Su Wan. She poked out just half her head, bracing herself to welcome the impending storm of social death.

Elaniel’s eyes lit up completely. It was a radiance mixed with surprise and fanaticism, as if she had just discovered a new continent. She looked at the pink-haired priestess holding a strange “staff,” her entire aesthetic having shifted in a blink, and then glanced at the twelve muscular knights not far away, who sported the same pink hair and looked utterly bewildered.

The heartstrings that had been tightened by the unfavorable battle situation inexplicably relaxed.

She even felt a little like laughing.

Just then, another anomaly occurred.

Above Celeste’s head, the cavern ceiling illuminated by glowing crystals seemed to split open without warning, revealing a massive virtual screen.

The screen lit up.

A BGM full of youthful vitality and demonic electronic beats—energetic enough to make the undead resurrect on the spot—instantly ignited the entire battlefield. The music was so cloyingly sweet, so relentlessly cheerful, that it formed a contrast with the surrounding atmosphere of slaughter that was sharp enough to cause physical pain.

Immediately after, a line of colorful, artistic text jumped playfully to the center of the screen.

[“Poor and Happy Rush” – Barbara, Charge!]

On the screen, a two-dimensional, stylized version of Celeste appeared. Wearing a practiced, business-like sweet smile, she took light dance steps, swaying left and right on a field of green grass.

The scene changed. Now she was kneeling in a church, hands clasped, praying devoutly.

“Little Barbara, praying in the church~♪”

“Every day I just love to rush, rush, rush~♪”

The entire battlefield ground to a screeching, mentally-overloaded halt.

“What is that?!”

“Is that priestess… starting again?”

Whether it was the elves standing ready or the monsters roaring as they charged, the movements of every living being slowed by half a beat. Their thoughts seemed to have been stirred into a messy porridge by the demonic singing and its accompanying imagery.

Their gazes were involuntarily drawn, locked tightly onto that huge virtual screen.

Elaniel’s graceful and luxurious face seemed to be instantly “melted” by the cheerful rhythm. Her wine-red eyes first widened slightly, stunned by the unmatched sight. But that flash of surprise was quickly replaced by a radiance of near-fanatical excitement.

She leaned forward slightly, those eyes that had witnessed a hundred years of wind and frost now locked tightly onto the bouncing, two-dimensional priestess on the screen. Then, her gaze swept over the sweet idol in the field holding a weapon of mass destruction.

Not only did she not feel confused, but she felt like an explorer who had just discovered a brand-new power system. The corners of her mouth rose uncontrollably, hooking into an arc of keen, dangerous interest.

The Royal Mage Corps behind her had collectively petrified. An old mage with a long white beard even raised his hand subconsciously, arcane radiance lingering at his fingertips as he attempted to analyze the energy composition of the image.

“This… what plane of illusion is this? No, there are no spiritual fluctuations! Is it a high-degree condensation of the light element? No, the laws are completely different!”

Eldara’s body stiffened abruptly. The unbearable black history of her own pink-haired incident from the previous night surged into her mind like a tide. She subconsciously touched her silver hair, and after confirming the color was normal, she silently turned her face away, pretending to be observing the tactical terrain.

Even the three monstrous bosses, each exuding terrifying pressure, stopped in their tracks in unison.

In the scarlet beast-like pupils of the yeti, Noinam, a human-like confusion appeared, and his huge head tilted to one side.

The Frost Troll Warlord, Korlak, scratched his frost-covered head, seemingly pondering what kind of new group-taunt battle cry this was.

On the pale and handsome face of Noth, the Plague Emissary, an expression other than his perpetual smile appeared for the first time—pure, unadulterated astonishment. The hand holding his soul lantern froze in mid-air.

Girousse, the goblin king perched on his throne, widened his mung bean-sized eyes. He pointed a trembling claw at Celeste and let out a furious scream.

“Again! It’s this vulgar, cheap, tasteless light again! My eyes! My aesthetic sensibilities are being defiled!”

[Ding! The Host has shocked the entire battlefield in a highly impactful way, successfully causing the ‘Royal Guard’and’Girousse Legion’ to simultaneously fall into cognitive dissonance! Elation Coins +3333!]

[Ding! Key plot character Elaniel feels pleasantly surprised by your image and is extremely delighted! Elation Coins +999!]

[Ding! Ally Eldara’s black history has been awakened! Embarrassment value has exceeded the threshold! Elation Coins +666!]

[Ding! Teammate Su Wan is happy to see this! Elation Coins +233!]

[Ding! Teammate Xia Lian’s shame resistance is rapidly increasing! Elation Coins +666!]

[Ding! Teammate Selene is swaying slightly to the rhythm of the music! Elation Coins +222!]

Listening to the flood of system prompts in her mind, Celeste felt her entire body fill with power.

‘Awesome!’

She lifted her head, a strange smile mixed with sweetness and coldness gracing her face. She even playfully winked at her dumbfounded allies.

“Barbara, sparkling entrance~♪” she recited in a voice sweet enough to give someone a cavity.

Then, she pointed the muzzle of the Sky-Piercing AK-47 directly at the stunned Plague Emissary Noth.

“So… this patient here, your illness looks very serious.”

The corners of her mouth curled into a dangerous arc, and her eyes suddenly turned cold as ice.

“Sister’s special treatment is coming right up~♪”

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]