Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Just as everyone held their breath, their hearts lodged in their throats, Elaniel’s cold, calm voice broke the suffocating silence.

“It is Eldara.”

She seemed to have received the information through some special channel, her tone leaving no room for doubt.

“She is signaling for us to advance.”

The moment her voice fell, the sticky, rustling sound from the path ahead ceased abruptly. Immediately after, Eldara’s signature flat, cold voice pierced the darkness, carrying clearly to their ears.

“Your Majesty, there is a giant cavern ahead.”

Her voice paused, as if she were choosing her words with care.

“The Silent Watch has completed a preliminary sweep. The sound from earlier was us dragging the molted skin of a… creature. Currently, no hostile targets have been detected.”

‘No enemies?’

A seed of doubt sprouted in Celeste’s mind. This was completely at odds with the crisis-ridden, monster-infested scenario she had been steeling herself for.

Following Elaniel’s lead, Celeste and her party stepped into the massive cavern.

The space suddenly yawned open before them.

The cavern ceiling was too high to see, with only a few ghostly, hanging stalactites shimmering with a cold luster under the faint phosphorescence of moss. The ground was a chaotic scattering of rocks of all sizes and the skeletal remains of unknown creatures, their shapes melting into indistinct, shadowy forms.

What was most eerie, however, was the absolute lack of sound.

The whisper of wind, the drip of water, the chirp of insects… all of it had been drained away. It was as if every last drop of “vitality” had been siphoned from this space, leaving only a pure, terrifying, deathly silence.

“It’s… so quiet here,” Xia Lian’s voice trembled, her knuckles white where she gripped her shortbow, her eyes vigilantly scanning every inch of shadow.

“Far too quiet,” Su Wan agreed in a low murmur. “There’s a sense of oppression in the air, as if something is being suppressed.”

Celeste frowned as well. This absolute silence was more unsettling than the roar of any monster. The “Embrace of Moonlight” earring she wore was emitting a faint, almost imperceptible vibration against her skin.

“Eldara, what have you discovered?” Elaniel asked, her gaze sweeping across every corner of the cavern.

Eldara strode to the Queen’s side, her voice as steady as ever. “Your Majesty, we have not found any living creatures. However, there are indeed traces of significant biological activity here.”

She pointed to the ground.

Celeste moved closer and saw massive, sticky drag marks, as if left by some colossal mollusk crawling along the stone floor. Beside them were fine scratch marks, as well as bone fragments that had been gnawed clean.

“The traces are very fresh,” Eldara added. “And we found residual undead energy and the scent of trolls in the corner.”

Undead and trolls.

The clues instantly clicked together in Celeste’s mind. The troll they had encountered yesterday most likely came from here.

‘Then what about the undead?’she wondered.’Where did they go? Could it be… they were “cleaned up” by something in here?’

The thought sent her vigilance skyrocketing.

Elaniel looked to Eldara. “Stay alert and continue deeper. The Royal Mage Corps and the Ranger squad will provide support. Miss Qingyue and her group will accompany me.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Eldara acknowledged the order and, along with her Silent Watch Knights, faded into the darkness ahead like shadows melting into the night.

Celeste and her party followed close behind Elaniel, pressing forward. The end of the cavern opened into an even larger subterranean space. The rock walls here were no longer rough but polished as smooth as mirrors, forming a perfect circle. A massive, glowing crystal hung from the ceiling, its soft white light illuminating the entire chamber as brightly as day.

In the center of the space stood a high platform.

The design of that platform was an exercise in outrageous, nouveau-riche absurdity. The base was a mountain of trash crudely piled together from rusted metal and the bones of giant beasts, emitting a faint, lingering stench of rot. Yet, draped over this mountain of refuse was a gold-trimmed red carpet, stolen from who-knows-where and stained with large, suspicious blotches. Atop this garish display sat a twisted “throne,” forcefully fused together from melted gold coins and jewelry, so gaudy it was an eyesore.

And on that throne, a figure was striking a pose he clearly thought was cool—legs crossed, chin resting on one hand in a clumsy imitation of “The Thinker.” Behind him, several massive, dark shadows stood silently, their outlines blurred and exuding an ominous aura.

“Your Majesty, the target has appeared!”

Eldara’s voice remained steady, but the veins on the back of the hand gripping her sword hilt stood out in sharp relief.

The nerves of Celeste and her companions tightened instantly, their gazes locked on the figure on the throne.

It was a short creature, yet it was wearing a tailored tailcoat. The bow tie at its collar was carefully knotted, and pristine white cuffs peeked out from its sleeves. It looked, for all intents and purposes, quite dapper.

Celeste’s heart skipped a beat.

‘This vibe is all wrong! How is this a final boss? He looks like a waiter who snuck out of some noble’s banquet.’

“Careful!” Eldara’s voice was laced with caution. “This aura… it’s very strange!”

As they drew closer, the figure on the throne finally noticed the intruders. He slowly lowered his hand and lifted his head.

The light illuminated his face.

Celeste almost choked back a laugh.

It was a standard, greenish goblin face. Pointy ears, a flat nose, and a pair of small, darting eyes. However, this goblin’s face was adorned with an extremely bizarre attempt at a “human aesthetic”—he sported a carefully trimmed mustache, and his hair was slicked back with so much grease it shone, a desperate imitation of the bearing of a human noble.

When his gaze swept past the knights in the front row and landed squarely on Elaniel, his small eyes erupted with a terrifying light, like a rat that had been starving for three hundred years diving headfirst into a royal granary.

He stared at Elaniel without a shred of concealment, his gaze greedy and obsessive, devouring every detail from the crown on her head to her graceful figure, and then to her magnificent silver armor. A crystalline liquid even threatened to drip from the corner of his mouth.

As for Celeste and the others beside Elaniel, he spared them only a brief glance, as if they were merely background props for the Queen’s grand entrance—insignificant add-ons.

“Ohhh~ look what we have here? A group of lost, beautiful lambs… and, a goddess who takes my breath away!”

The goblin spoke in a greasy tone thick with a heavy, exotic accent. He even mimicked a human noble by placing a hand on his chest and performing a bizarre, improper bow.

Celeste felt like her dinner was about to make a reappearance.

‘A beast in human clothing! Isn’t this a classic trope from a certain kind of game? The beautiful, noble Elf Queen accidentally wanders into the lair of an ugly monster…’”If we lose this fight, won’t that lead to some… indescribable plot development? Something like’The Queen’s Tears and the Goblin’s Laughter,’or’The Fall of the Noble Body’…”

Celeste shuddered.

‘No way! I can’t watch that kind of cursed doujinshi plot unfold! Today, no matter what, I have to grind this disgusting goblin into dust! Maintaining the world’s aesthetic justice is everyone’s responsibility!’

“Ugh…”

Selene subconsciously retched, feeling the meat soup she had for breakfast protesting violently in her stomach. She lowered her voice and whispered to her sister, “Sis, my ‘Immovable Mountain’ is buzzing. It says this level of mental pollution is beyond its physical defense range.”

“What are you?” Elaniel’s expression sank, a cold storm brewing in her wine-red eyes. The thing she detested most in the world was this kind of sticky, possessive gaze that treated her like a trophy to be won.

“A thing? Oh no, no, no, my dear Queen!” The goblin, as if he hadn’t heard the fury in her words, exaggeratedly placed a hand on his chest again. “You cannot use such rude words to describe your future King, Girousse!”

He wagged a finger, his gaze lingering with particular wantonness on Elaniel.

“Your beauty is like the most brilliant gem! Your temperament is like the finest wine! I have decided that my kingdom needs a mistress like you! I permit you to address me directly by my name. As for these attendants of yours… just call me ‘Captain’! All my subordinates call me that.”

On Su Wan’s face, the elegance and poise of a noble lady instantly froze, replaced by a cold, icy disdain one might reserve for trash. She even leaned back slightly, as if the greasy aura in the air might stain the hem of her robes.

The usual blush was gone from Xia Lian’s cheeks, her face now deathly pale from a mixture of extreme disgust and anger. Her fingers gripping her shortbow were white from the force of her grip, and her whole body trembled slightly, as if she might snap at any second and fire a poisoned arrow straight into that sickening, greasy mouth.

“Are you the culprit who triggered the spatial fluctuations and intends to merge the worlds?” Eldara’s runic blade was already unsheathed, its tip pointed directly at the goblin.

“Oh my, oh my~ don’t be so fierce, Miss Knight~”

The goblin didn’t even look at her; his eyes remained glued to Elaniel.

“I am merely completing my ‘grand plan’~ However, since my future Queen has personally arrived, I can consider changing my ‘grand plan’ a little bit~”

He stood up, spread his arms, and announced loudly in a dramatic, aria-like tone:

“For example, let’s first hold a grand wedding to marry my destined Queen! As for you extras… oh no, I mean, bridal attendants, hehehe…”

Celeste watched the prancing goblin and subconsciously pulled up her status panel.

[Goblin King · Leader · Girousse]

[Level: Lv.???]

‘Holy crap! Goblin King? Level three question marks?’Celeste felt her worldview crack.’This guy… he looks like a total clown, but he’s actually a top-tier final boss?’Her mind began to race, calculating furiously.’Where’s the danger? Is it just level suppression? Or does he have some disgusting, overpowered special skill?’

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]