Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

The “tin can” that had been swatted aside struggled to its feet from the snow once more. A violent, brutal glint ignited in the giant, copper-bell eyes of the troll leader, Sradlan.

It let out a roar that shook the valley, taking heavy strides that made the very earth tremble with every step. It charged toward Selene, its colossal mace raised high, preparing to smash this little bug who had repeatedly provoked it into a bloody pulp.

“Selene! Dodge, quickly!”

Celeste’s heart clenched, and she subconsciously waved her staff, casting a protective shield over her sister.

Selene had only just caught her breath when a massive shadow blotted out the light, pressing down upon her. She gritted her teeth, ignoring the searing numbness in her arms, and used every last ounce of her strength to roll to the side.

“Boom—!!!”

The massive mace grazed her back and slammed into the frozen earth, blasting a terrifyingly deep crater into the ground. A shockwave of gravel and ice shards slammed into Selene like an invisible wall.

She had dodged the lethal direct hit, but the violent aftershock sent her flying through the air. The shield on her body shattered instantly, dissolving into countless specks of light.

A mouthful of hot blood sprayed out in mid-air. She crashed heavily into a snowdrift a dozen meters away, feeling as if her internal organs had been violently rearranged.

“Are you done yet?!”

Seeing Sradlan preparing to give chase, Celeste looked at her disheveled sister. A pang of heartache shot through her, immediately followed by a surge of pure, unadulterated rage that shot straight to her head.

‘Tickling it? Can’t even break its defense?”That’s because the firepower isn’t high enough!”Today, I’m going to make you, you stupid troll, remember this: the opening line of any negotiation for us Liyue people is I Will Have Order!’

With a single thought, she prepared to pull her ultimate trump card—the [Zhongli Trial Card]—from the system space. One meteor was all it would take to physically transcend this problem.

However, just as she raised her staff, instinctively wanting to cast a Healing Spell on her sister to stabilize her health, everything changed.

The pink light of the spell had just landed on Selene when a crisp ding sounded in her mind. An invisible switch had been flipped.

The next second, a BGM so cheerful it felt completely out of place on the grim battlefield rang out across the sky without warning. The lively, bouncy melody seemed to belong not to a life-or-death struggle, but to some sunny afternoon garden party.

Celeste’s heart sank.

‘Are you for real right now? You’re pulling this crap at a time like this? Please, for the love of god, don’t let it be something useless!’

[Overtones triggered! BGM: “Let’s Go, Crimson Knight!” (Genshin Impact – Klee). Costume change character: Klee.]

Immediately after, a dazzling red light completely enveloped Celeste.

Above her head, that iconic, massive virtual screen unfolded once again. Gilded characters blazed across it—

«Klee: Hahahaha, everything can be blown up!!!»

Following that, the screen began to play a well-produced but bizarrely styled promotional video.

In the video, a 2D-animated version of Celeste, wearing a little red dress, ran happily through a sea of flowers. She casually tossed a round object, and the next second, the entire field of flowers blew up into the sky.

The camera panned. She ran through a horde of various monsters, casually dropping a few more round objects, and the entire mob was blown to smithereens.

Finally, the camera froze on the 2D Celeste hugging a huge, red bomb with rabbit ears, flashing an innocent and brilliant smile at the audience.

A rough, bold male voice immediately began to sing the lyrics like a cheesy commercial jingle:

“So innocent and cute, so kawaii! You must be talking about our Klee!”

Selene, Su Wan, and Xia Lian: “…Pfft!”

As the light dissipated, Celeste’s new look was revealed to everyone.

She was now wearing an exquisite little dress, predominantly red and decorated with clover patterns. On her back was a small brown leather satchel filled with strange-looking props. On her head sat a huge red witch’s hat, its brim adorned with feathers and a single rose.

The system had thoughtfully, magically altered the clothes to fit her. But this visibly childish style, stretched over her curvy, bombshell figure, could only be described as utterly bizarre.

The fabric was stretched taut over her proud curves, and the small brown satchel on her back, which should have been cute, now looked like a miniature accessory clinging desperately to her.

An indescribable, absurd, yet inexplicably erotic sense of shock—the “mature woman in oversized children’s clothing” aesthetic—swept over everyone present.

Then, using a crisp, childlike voice that was the complete opposite of her usual mature tone, she declared:

“Everything can be blown up!”

“Sis, the heroic spirits you summon… they include little girls?” Selene, having just staggered up from the ground, saw the scene and completely forgot her pain, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “And that children’s outfit on you is just criminal. You look like you’re about to suffocate in it.”

“Flashy and gaudy,” Su Wan subconsciously curled her lip, but her gaze couldn’t help but linger on the absurd outfit for a few extra seconds. Growing up, she had always been required to behave with dignity and speak with propriety. She had never imagined that one day, a person could wear such… uninhibited clothing in front of so many people. This attitude of completely disregarding the opinions of others stirred a trace of envy in her heart that she didn’t even realize she had.

On the other side, Xia Lian’s cheeks were already burning red. Just looking at Celeste’s outfit from afar made a powerful wave of second-hand embarrassment rush to her head. She wished she could dig a hole in the snow and bury herself in it immediately. But her solid professional training forced her to steady her mind, her gaze remaining locked firmly on the enemy in the distance.

The troll shaman, however, was completely distracted by the sudden BGM and the bizarre cartoon playing on the screen overhead. It stood with its mouth agape, looking up blankly, completely failing to comprehend what kind of new magical ritual this was.

Just as it was stunned, Xia Lian seized the opportunity.

“Swish! Swish!”

Two silent arrows were loosed in quick succession.

The first arrow struck the shield the shaman had hastily erected, causing cracks to spiderweb across its surface. The second arrow followed a split-second behind, exploiting the unstable shield to pierce directly through the shaman’s shoulder.

The shaman screamed in pain, finally snapping out of its shock and looking around in terror.

‘System, did I transform into Klee, or her mom, Ms. Alice?’

Having experienced several social deaths already, Celeste’s skin was as thick as a fortress wall. She even had the leisure to complain in her mind.

[Ding! System prompt: Ms. Alice doesn’t wear this!]

The system’s reply was as straightforward and heart-stabbing as ever.

‘Fine, you win.’ Celeste gave up the struggle.

…

On the other side, in the center of the mountain pass.

“Traitor! Is this all the skill you possess?!”

Mogras was locked in a fierce battle with Eldara. Although he was being suppressed, he was relying on his refined demonic armor and his recently strengthened body to hold on.

But just then, that cheerful BGM and the pillar of red light shooting into the sky made his heart jump. He subconsciously turned his head to look.

When he saw that huge virtual screen and the arrogant title emblazoned upon it, the soulfire burning beneath Mogras’s helmet twitched violently.

‘That screen!’He recognized it.’It was that screen!’The thing summoned by that pink-haired priest last time—the one carrying that strange alchemical creation who turned his elite subordinates into Swiss cheese!’She’s here, too?!’

The fear of being dominated by the Sky-Piercing AK-47 flashed through Mogras’s mind, and the battle-axe in his hand slowed by a fraction of a second.

When experts trade blows, life and death are decided in an instant.

“Daring to be distracted in battle?” Eldara’s cold voice rang in his ears.

Mogras came to his senses in horror, only to see a streak of silver sword light, moving at an extreme speed, that had already broken through his axe’s defense and was magnifying infinitely before his eyes.

“Pfft—!!!”

The silver knight’s sword pierced precisely through the gap in his shoulder armor, penetrating his collarbone. The grim power of death and frost instantly poured into his body, crazily destroying his soul core.

“Arghhhhh—!!!”

Mogras let out a roar of extreme pain, a massive burst of power forcing Eldara back. He himself retreated several steps, falling to one knee. He clutched the wound from which black energy was constantly dissipating, his soulfire flickering weakly. He had clearly suffered heavy damage.

He cast a resentful glance at Celeste in the distance, then looked at the steadily breathing Eldara before him.

He knew he had lost.

…

And the “hero” behind all this, Celeste, was currently looking down at her own fair, slender hands.

[Extra buff: Can use “Bang Bang,” “Jumpy Dumpty,” and “Sparks ‘n’ Splash.” During the duration, affinity for the fire element is greatly increased.]

[First time triggering Klee costume change, extra reward drawing…]

[Congratulations Host, you have obtained Klee’s passive: Lucky Clover! Luck +1]

‘Huh? There’s a Luck attribute?’[Ding! Luck is a hidden attribute, not displayed on the class panel, and can only be known through special means.]’Fair enough!’

She could feel it. Even in this world of ice and snow, the surrounding fire elements were unprecedentedly active, as if they were just waiting to obey her every command.

“Hey! Big guy!”

Celeste raised her head, looking at the troll leader Sradlan not far away, who was also stunned by this sudden turn of events. Because of the costume change, her voice carried a hint of a crisp, childlike tone, but paired with her mature face and figure, it sounded exceptionally incongruous.

Sradlan looked at this little one whose entire art style had suddenly changed, its giant eyes filled with confusion. It didn’t understand why this little one had suddenly changed clothes, nor why her aura had completely transformed.

But its beastly intuition screamed that the “little one in red” before it was very, very dangerous.

“Look here! I’ll show you something good!”

Celeste revealed a kind (nuke-kind) smile.

She imitated the appearance of that little girl in red from her memory, and from the small backpack on her back, pulled out a round, red, rabbit-eared… bomb?

[Jumpy Dumpty!]

The skill name automatically appeared in her mind.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Celeste threw the “Jumpy Dumpty” in her hand hard toward Sradlan. The red bomb traced a cheerful parabola through the air, hopping and skipping until it landed right at Sradlan’s feet.

Sradlan curiously lowered its head, watching this little trinket bouncing around at its feet. It seemed to have no lethality at all.

Then, it saw the “little one in red” make a face at it, spread her arms like an airplane, and shout:

“Da da da—”

“BOOM!!!”

A deafening roar erupted. The violent shockwave of the explosion stirred up a maelstrom of ice and snow, forming a small, crimson mushroom cloud.

The violent, untamed energy of the fire element instantly swallowed Sradlan’s massive body.

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]