Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

With a deafening roar, the entire valley trembled.

A petite, crimson mushroom cloud, patterned with the distinct shape of a four-leaf clover, slowly rose from beneath Sradlan’s feet. The violent surge of Pyro energy kicked up scorching heatwaves, instantly vaporizing the surrounding ice and snow into a thick, rolling white mist. This scalding steam, carried on the shockwave, blasted everyone nearby in the face.

Sradlan’s massive body was instantly swallowed by the tyrannical, crimson power.

“Awooo—!!!”

That heart-wrenching howl no longer held any of its previous arrogance, leaving only the purest, most unadulterated agony.

As the flames finally dissipated, Sradlan’s figure reappeared. Its rock-hard, blue-tinged skin was now a horrifying canvas of charred cracks, and the acrid stench of burnt flesh filled the air. The calf that had taken the direct hit was torn wide open, exposing the bone beneath. Blood gushed from the wound, only to be evaporated by the eerie flames still dancing upon it before a single drop could even touch the ground.

Those strange little flames didn’t spread, but they clung to the injury like maggots feasting on a corpse. No matter how the potent self-healing energy within Sradlan’s body surged, it couldn’t extinguish them. In fact, they seemed to burn even brighter, feeding on the restorative magic itself.

The troll chieftain’s legendary rate of recovery slowed to a near standstill.

“Sister… you call this magic?” Selene wiped the mixture of snow and condensation from her face, her expression one of utter bewilderment. “What kind of contraband did you smuggle out of an arms depot?!”

“I thought since you transformed into some kind of holy priestess, you’d at least be chanting some heaven-shattering forbidden spell! But you just pulled out a bomb and threw it?” she exclaimed, her voice rising. “You’re no priestess, you’re an Arms Queen!”

Nearby, Su Wan silently pressed a hand to her forehead, a trace of deep helplessness flashing in her cold, analytical eyes. Her gaze shifted back and forth between Sradlan’s mangled leg and Celeste, who was once again spreading her arms wide and entering her “aeroplane run” mode.

‘Even though I’ve seen it so many times,’she thought,’Celeste’s ability to turn a serious battlefield into something out of a cartoon still makes me feel like my entire worldview is being reshaped, moment by moment.’

In the distance, Xia Lian had completely given up on thinking. She felt that Celeste’s gleeful “da-da-da” running posture was somehow more mentally polluting than a troll’s deafening roar. The second-hand embarrassment was so intense it made her want to dig a hole in the snow, bury herself inside, and maybe set up a tombstone while she was at it.

“What… what on earth is that thing…” the elven officer stammered from his position far away, his body trembling.

The mages and rangers beside him, and even the trolls on the opposing side, had all stopped moving. Everyone stared blankly, first at the screaming troll chieftain, then at the young girl in oversized, red children’s clothes with a pure, innocent smile on her face. A collective wave of self-doubt washed over the battlefield.

Magic bombs? Silvermoon City’s alchemy workshops had plenty.

But a single-handed, throwable bomb that could blast a high-level troll chieftain into a wailing mess? They had truly never seen anything like it.

Celeste herself, at this moment, was experiencing an unmatched sense of pleasure.

‘Wow, this feeling…’

She looked down at her fair, slender hands, feeling a pure, extreme joy surging up from the very depths of her soul. It wasn’t the satisfaction of a clever scheme succeeding, nor was it the sense of achievement from winning a difficult battle.

It was the simple, straightforward, childlike glee of “throwing something fun and watching it go ‘bang’.”

‘Is Klee’s world really this happy?’The corners of Celeste’s mouth curled up into an irrepressible grin.’I’ve decided! It’s a rare treat to experience this, so it would be a disservice to myself not to go absolutely wild! If Selene and the others ask about it later, I’ll just say the heroic spirit’s personality was too strong and the character bleed took over! Perfect!’

Having found her excuse, Celeste completely dropped all pretenses and let herself go.

She reached into the small leather backpack on her back as if grabbing candy from a jar and pulled out another bright red, bunny-eared bomb.

“Awooo!!!”

The intense, searing pain had completely burned away the last vestiges of Sradlan’s sanity. Its giant eyes were instantly shot through with blood, and a savage, murderous intent erupted from it like a volcano. It no longer cared about the little tin can who only knew how to scrape at its hide. With all the spite in its being, it locked onto the tiny red figure that had brought it such excruciating pain.

Kill her!

Sradlan let out a roar that shook the valley. Dragging its mangled leg, it charged at Celeste like a runaway siege behemoth. With every thunderous step it took, the very earth groaned in protest.

“Sister! It’s charging at you!” Selene’s heart tightened. She immediately raised her shield, preparing to intercept the troll.

“Don’t come over!” Celeste shouted without even looking back, her crisp, girlish voice filled with an irrepressible excitement. “This is a game of hide-and-seek between me and the big guy! You guys just watch from the side!”

‘Are you kidding me?’she thought gleefully.’Today, I am Mondstadt’s Strongest Combat Power! I could kite a boss like this with my eyes closed!’

“Taste Mondstadt’s local specialty!”

With a flick of her wrist, the red bomb drew a beautiful parabola through the air. Like a mischievous red sprite, it landed precisely in Sradlan’s charging path.

Sradlan had already developed a physiological fear of the little red object. Upon seeing it fall, the troll chieftain instinctively tried to slam on the brakes and turn. But its massive size and injured leg turned the simple maneuver into a disastrous brake failure.

BOOM!

Another loud bang echoed through the valley. The bomb exploded right next to its other, previously intact leg, once again sending a spray of blood and gore into the air. Sradlan’s forward momentum instantly devolved into a clumsy, pathetic stumble, its speed sharply reduced.

“Hehe, can’t catch me! Bleh!”

Celeste spread her arms, breaking into a happy, carefree toddler-like run, always keeping a perfectly safe distance from Sradlan. She’d run a few steps, then turn back to make a face at the troll before casually tossing another bomb over her shoulder.

She’d run a few more steps, then shout in a lively, infuriatingly cheerful tone, “Come on, big guy! Did you not eat breakfast?”

Then, she’d throw another one.

An extremely bizarre scene unfolded on the battlefield. A hill-like troll chieftain, dragging two smoking, injured legs, was angrily chasing a young girl in a red children’s dress with a posture that looked painfully constipated. And that girl, hopping along like a happy little rabbit and humming an off-key tune, would turn back from time to time to drop another explosive red present.

“Come and catch me, come and catch me! If you catch me, I’ll let you… hehehe, eat another Jumpy Dumpty!”

The explosions were incessant, accompanied only by Sradlan’s increasingly exasperated, impotent roars of rage.

“Sister Celeste… is this what you call ‘kiting a boss’?” Xia Lian, having given up on digging her own grave, stared at the scene blankly and whispered.

Professional rangers also used speed and traps to contain difficult monsters, but that was a process filled with tension and danger.

But Celeste’s version…

This wasn’t a tense battle; this was a brat playing with her pet dog in the park! And a particularly clumsy dog at that!

“Her mental state… seems even more active than before?”

“It must be the influence of the summoned heroic spirit,” Su Wan said, calmly waving her staff. A line of sharp ice cones erupted from the ground, constantly creating new obstacles under Sradlan’s feet. She was playing the support role perfectly, creating a more comfortable “dog-walking” environment for Celeste.

“I would guess,” she continued, “that the original owner of this heroic spirit is likely… a mentally immature demolition maniac.”

She analyzed the situation with flawless logic on the surface, but a strange thought bloomed in her mind: ‘This feeling of being completely unconcerned with others’ opinions and just doing whatever one wants… it seems… quite happy?’

“Sister, you’ve really let yourself go!” Selene had simply put away her weapon and was now hugging her shield, only a magic glow stick away from becoming a full-fledged cheerleader. “Wearing those children’s clothes, you really are acting like a child!”

“Go, Sister! Bomb his left leg! His left leg is running too fast! Yes, yes, yes, now bomb the right leg! Bombing the middle leg works too!”

‘I get it now,’Celeste thought, a moment of pure enlightenment striking her.’So this is the joy of smurfing? It’s so simple and unpretentious!’

She felt she had completely entered the legendary world of “human and bomb as one.”

Sradlan’s health was steadily declining under the continuous bombardment. Its once-proud regeneration ability was now firmly suppressed. Its immense strength and defense appeared ridiculous and powerless in the face of absolute mobility and overwhelming firepower.

After eating more than a dozen Jumpy Dumptys, Sradlan finally ground to a halt.

It could feel the wavering, confused, and even pitiful gazes of its clansmen behind it.

It wasn’t just being defeated.

It was being played with, toyed with to the point of a complete mental breakdown in front of all its subordinates.

It, Sradlan, the mighty chieftain of the Frostjaw Clan, had now become a joke.

“Enough! You damned little bug!”

Sradlan’s massive body trembled violently, a tremor born of extreme anger and humiliation. It roared up to the sky as a black-red, violent energy surged from its body, dyeing the surrounding ice and snow a filthy, corrupted color.

It was burning its own life force!

But its eyes were unprecedentedly calm. It was the cold, focused calm of a gambler’s madness and grim determination. It had calculated that with its tough physique, it could definitely withstand the backlash of this desperate, all-or-nothing blow. At worst, it would be seriously injured.

But the little red thing in front of it? As long as she was even grazed by this power, she would instantly turn to dust!

This was its only chance to salvage its dignity!

“I, Sradlan! Will use your bones! To crush your soul—!”

However, faced with this ultimate boss rage, a final gambit fueled by dignity and life itself, Celeste simply stopped running.

Her eyes shone, as if she were gazing upon the most perfect work of art.

“Wow! Look, look! He’s glowing!”

Her voice was full of childlike surprise, as if that wasn’t a deadly, violent energy, but merely the neon lights of a festival flickering to life.

“He has offered the most gorgeous stage background for my finale!”

Celeste turned sharply and spread her arms wide. Like a troupe conductor standing at the center of the stage, she wore an innocent yet utterly crazed smile as she shouted to everyone present:

“Selene! Su Wan! Xia Lian! And to all our audience friends in the distance, please pay attention!”

“Everyone back up! Back up even more!”

“I’m going to set off the biggest, most beautiful firework to send the big guy on his way!”

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]