Genshin Impact: This Priest is Cringe, But She’s Also Unbeatable

Eldara’s questions pierced the deepest corners of Prince Alex’s mind, each word a sharpened awl.

The Prince, who had just been beaming with excitement while recounting his “adventure,” felt all the fervor drain from his face in an instant. A new wave of panic immediately engulfed him.

He stammered, his eyes darting around frantically. His lips trembled, but he couldn’t manage to spit out a single coherent sentence.

“I… I…”

“It, it’s because… it was just too beautiful…”

“I… I was momentarily possessed by a devil…”

The excuses he fabricated were so laughably pale that he couldn’t even convince himself. Under Eldara’s soul-piercing gaze, these flimsy lies dissolved, revealing the pathetic, cowardly core beneath.

“Tell the truth.”

A clear, murderous intent laced Eldara’s voice. The icy pressure was no longer a metaphor; it manifested as a physical chill, sheathing the stone walls of the council hall in a delicate layer of frost.

‘Oh my god, Your Highness, just confess already!’Celeste urged him frantically in her mind.’If you keep being stubborn, the Captain is really going to make her move. By then, forget the magic book—you’ll be torn to shreds yourself!’

Beside her, Selene watched with burning anxiety, looking like she wanted to rush up, grab Alex by the collar, and shake the words out of him. This kind of agonizingly slow scene was more painful than fighting a Stitched Abomination.

Xia Lian’s cheeks flushed a deep crimson. Her eyes drifted away, but she forced herself to sit upright, feigning a composure she did not feel.

Only Su Wan remained seated with perfect elegance, a playful curve tugging at the corners of her lips. She was like an audience member who had bought the best seat in the house, watching with great interest this absurd drama co-directed by stupidity and desire.

Extreme fear finally crushed the last pathetic sliver of Alex’s self-esteem.

As if his spine had been instantly removed, he collapsed into his chair. With the tone of a man throwing all caution to the wind, he finally roared out the truth.

“It wasn’t me! It really wasn’t me who wanted to steal it!” His voice was thick with despair and the desperate urgency to shift the blame. “It was Liliane! It was my crazy sister!”

“After I had that dream, I ran to brag to her! I told her I’d received guidance from a goddess and was going to the forbidden grounds of the Elf Race to witness a miracle!”

“She didn’t believe me at all and even laughed at me! To prove I wasn’t lying, I… I just lost my head and snuck in with her!”

Alex seemed to have opened the floodgates, determined to push all responsibility as far away as possible.

‘Here we go!’Celeste’s inner commentary was scrolling frantically.’The ever-popular segment where royal siblings throw each other under the bus. For the sake of survival, this prince is impressively decisive when it comes to selling out his sister!’

Alex’s confession continued, his mind now completely blank except for the singular goal of pouring out every secret in his heart.

“After we got in, we really found that picture book! Oh my god! The Elf Queen in the book was… even more alluring than her real self!”

“In that book… when the Elf Queen was young… she was wearing, wearing those very thin clothes, playing in the water under a waterfall…”

“In some of the pictures, there was a man who looked a lot like my ancestor next to her, holding her feet…”

A sickly flush crept onto his face, his eyes unfocused as he was clearly immersed once more in the memory.

Celeste almost lost it.

‘Holy shit! So it was the Elf Queen’s limited-edition “Summer Cool” skin photo album!”And his ancestor even made a guest appearance as a foot fetishist? Is this clown seriously projecting himself into that role? Classic.’Her internal monologue was already flooding the screen.’But then again, what did the Elf Queen actually look like when she was young? To bewitch this idiot prince so badly he’d commit a crime worthy of beheading, all for some royal dark history?’In Celeste’s mind, the Elf Queen’s current voluptuous, mature, and dominant aura emerged, and she tried to imagine her in her younger, priestess years.’Hiss… Why am I a little curious now? That sounds like it would be an explosive scene!’

“I was stunned when I saw it, but I swear, I was just looking! At most… I drooled a bit! But Liliane… she went completely crazy!”

“She… she is Liliane! A famous beauty in the royal city! Man or woman, there’s no one she hasn’t flirted with!”

“The portraits of beauties she collects could pave the road from the palace gate to the city wall! She calls that ‘art appreciation’! Compared to her, I’m practically as pure as a saint!”

‘Damn, this kid is really going all out to save his own neck! Straight up outing his sister as a total player who swings both ways, no questions asked?’Celeste thought, impressed in a disgusted sort of way.’But to be fair, for this royal brother and sister to be playing this wild, it’s no wonder the Necromancer’s bait worked so perfectly. They were prime phishing targets.’

In her mind, Celeste had already sketched out the image of a pair of golden-haired, blue-eyed idiot siblings, indulging in debauchery at various aristocratic parties.

Alex gestured excitedly, perfectly imitating his sister’s expression at the time.

“She snatched the picture book, her eyes went wide, and she kept muttering ‘Too beautiful,’ ‘This is a miracle,’ and things like that…”

“She said the Elf Queen was the most perfect person she had ever seen, ten thousand times more beautiful than the portraits of saints painted by the artists in the royal city!”

“Then! She hugged the picture book and wouldn’t let go!”

“She said, how could such a peerless treasure be hidden by the Elf Race in some moldy corner? This is a blasphemy against beauty! It must be ‘guarded’ by her, the person who understands beauty best!”

Alex’s voice took on a sobbing tone.

“I tried to persuade her! I really tried! I told her this was the Elf Queen’s property, and if we were discovered, we’d both be dead!”

“But she said, didn’t the ‘god’ in the dream say that no elves would come here? That no one would notice if we took it!”

“She also said, ‘Is it stealing when it’s about art? This is called saving!’”

“I… I was persuaded by her! No, I was coerced by her! She’s the principal offender! I’m an accomplice at most!”

Alex’s roar echoed through the council hall, followed by a deathly silence.

Selene was dumbfounded. She whispered to Celeste, “Sister, his sister… is she really that brave?”

‘More than brave,’Celeste sighed with deep emotion in her heart.’This is basically a stan willing to start a world war for her idol’s out-of-print merch!”The Elf Queen’s charm is terrifying! She truly conquered both men and women, transcending species! If this were back on Earth, she’d definitely be a top-tier, cosmic-level idol!’

Her curiosity about that “Magic Image Diary” had now climbed to its absolute peak.

Xia Lian’s face was as red as a ripe tomato. She covered her face with both hands, looking like she wanted to jump out the window. For such private topics involving “swimsuits” and “conquering all genders” to be discussed so loudly in such a serious setting was, to her, no less than a public execution.

Even Su Wan finally let a trace of genuine amusement ripple in her cold, clear eyes. She picked up her teacup, using the swirling steam to hide the corners of her mouth that she couldn’t help but lift.

This interrogation had slipped from a serious political event into an absurd gossip comedy. And the particular quality Celeste possessed—of loving to watch the chaos and always steering things in an outrageous direction—made Su Wan find it all increasingly interesting.

Eldara fell completely silent.

She, too, was shocked by the thought processes of this bizarre pair of siblings. For a moment, she didn’t know what expression to use in response. A crack appeared on her eternal mask of frost, and though no words were spoken, a single, unwritten question hung in the air: What?

She had envisioned countless possibilities: political conspiracies, exchanges of interests, coercion…

But she never imagined that what drove these two human royals to commit such heinous crimes and trigger the subsequent series of upheavals was actually the most primal, the most pure… stupidity.

[Ding! Host has successfully witnessed the legend of the Elf Queen’s cross-species charm. Elation Coins +233!]

The system prompt chimed in Celeste’s mind, making her almost laugh out loud.

‘Fine, that makes sense.’

At this point, the truth had come to light.

A mysterious force skilled in soul magic—most likely a Necromancer—had used an absurd dream to accurately lure a pair of stupid and horny royal siblings to the forbidden grounds of the Elf Race.

The mastermind had precisely calculated the nature of this pair, knowing that after seeing the “private photos” of the young Elf Queen, they would be utterly unable to control themselves.

Once the theft occurred, the already fragile covenant between humans and the Elf Race would be completely shattered. The border standoff would escalate; war would be imminent.

And the true mastermind could take advantage of everyone’s attention being drawn to this conflict to carry out their real schemes in the shadows.

The entire plan was interlinked, precise, and vicious.

Celeste figured even the Necromancers themselves hadn’t expected that this pair of idiot siblings would have such strong follow-through, such colossal guts, that they would actually steal the thing.

The development of events had been smoother than they could have ever imagined…

“So that’s how it is…” Eldara muttered to herself, her voice carrying a hint of exhaustion and an indescribable sense of absurdity.

She finally understood. The source of this turmoil sweeping the continent was actually so… ridiculous.

She looked up, her gaze falling once more upon Prince Alex, who had completely given up all resistance.

That look was like staring at a pathetic and laughable marionette, completely hollowed out by desire and stupidity.

[Elysian’s Note:

Having a good time with the story?

Every single bit helps immensely:

Thanks a ton for making this journey possible!]