My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1250: Chapter 1079: Loneliness Destroys the Mind

Do you still remember? The roads we once walked together, the things we went through, how beautiful they were in our eyes.

Old Master Zhang heard Xia Jing say this, and now he has no way to describe what his daughter-in-law looks like. He only knows that his daughter-in-law has completely lost her mind and won’t listen to anyone, no matter what they say.

”Child, I know that no matter what I say now, you won’t listen, but I still hope you can understand that everyone has their own responsibilities. The greater the responsibility, the more burdens one carries. Don’t you know what you should be doing now? By living so despondently, will he be happy to see you like this? Perhaps you don’t realize that no one wants to see you in such pain. We are all your loving family. Even if you lose the whole world, you still have us!”

”Since the day I lost her, I’ve lost the whole world. What does it matter if I have you? What you bring me is never what he brought me, no matter how I force a smile with you all, my heart is forever longing for him. Longing is the pain that breathes, and I suffer repeatedly in painful gasps.

Actually, I’m really not a Saint. I just want to live happily too, and I just want to give those who love me a stable, joyful life. But I honestly have no way to understand; I know I’ve made so many mistakes before, I know I’ve suffered so much in this lifetime, and I know there is no way to make up for it all. How should I heal the heart that I’ve hurt? I’ve wounded the person who loves me the most, and I can never, in this lifetime, forgive myself!

Every one of you has gone through this kind of pain, so why can’t you empathize with my feelings at this moment? How desperate I am, how resentful I am. If it weren’t for my excessive actions back then, how could he have possibly left me. The blame and regret that come time and again have truly left me with no way to forgive myself in this lifetime. I’m groaning in pain; all I know is that this is the way it’s going to be for the rest of my life. I exist in this world on borrowed time, not for anything else, but for the chance to meet her again in the vast sea of people. By that day, he might have a wife and children, but as long as I can see him from afar, it’s enough for me. As long as I can see him happy, I can lose everything. I truly know I was wrong. I don’t know how to make everything as beautiful as it was before. I lost her, lost the entire world. Remembering the pain I once caused him, I feel I’m worse than a beast...”

”Mom, I hope none of us bring up this matter anymore in the future. Since we’ve chosen to live this way now, let’s make the best of it; why reminisce about the past? Do you know how heartbroken Dad would be if he found out you were doing this? He’s sacrificed so much for you, even willing to abandon me, his son, and Grandpa for you. He’s willing to give up the family’s century-old prestige just to be with you. Do you really overlook all of that? I believe you’re not someone with a heart of stone; you’re really not the kind of person who disregards the bigger picture for personal reasons!”

”Since you’re not that kind of person, why disguise yourself as one, letting everyone in this world misunderstand you? Is that really meaningful? By living like this, you’ll only be subjected to others’ scorn. You’re actually very kind; you’re willing to sacrifice your own lifelong happiness to fulfill someone who loves you. You’re the stupidest, most foolish woman in the world. As your child, I have no right to speak to you like this, but mom, everyone in this world is living, and everyone is taking responsibility for the efforts they’ve made. I don’t know how I should persuade you. I know how much pain is in your heart, but I also hope you consider every member of our family. Living so gloomy and unhappy, anyone who sees it won’t feel good. If Dad sees it, he’ll only worry about you more. I’m worried he’ll act impulsively when he sees you. You don’t want to see him get hurt, do you? Over all these years, you do have feelings for him. Even if it’s not love, such long companionship has inevitably led to feelings!”

”You’re wrong. Over all these years, I have no feelings for him; even after so many years of being together, I only have familial feelings for him. I’ve always regarded him as my brother, never as my lover. I have no way to see him as the person I love most because the person I loved most left me due to my actions. I’m doomed to live in remorse for the rest of my life. How could I easily fall in love with someone else again? I once said that if my love with her failed, I would never easily fall in love with anyone else in this lifetime. Perhaps my existence is already fated to be on borrowed time, and I can only rely on my fixation to live in this world. My mission is simply to see him one day!

Perhaps you all think my actions are foolish, but do you know? This is the way one person loves another. I loved her so deeply, only realizing how deeply I was caught up when she left. I have no way to make amends or to explain to her. I just know that in this lifetime she’ll never want to see me again, but I really miss her so much. For her, I’ve tried my utmost to make amends for all the mistakes I’ve committed, but eventually, I still only invite others’ insults. I have no way; again and again, I hope that heaven gives me another chance to make up for every mistake I’ve made, even if it costs me my life. But ultimately, I still have no way. Heaven gave me a chance, and that’s to live on borrowed time, to watch helplessly as the person I love the most leaves me again and again, getting further and further away, while I can only stand silently, shedding tears with no way to change the result. This is heaven’s best revenge on me!

Maybe someone like me should bear such a burden, leaving me with no joy throughout this life, living forever in pain, struggling in the dark abyss forever without a way out, only able to wait in solitude this whole life!”

Loneliness is something that can drive a person insane and can make a person lose everything they care about!