My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1211: Chapter 1041: Dao Theory

”Dad and Mom, I don’t know if you remember the words my son once said to you. Maybe you do remember, or maybe you’ve already forgotten them in the blink of an eye. Deep down, you’ve never really seen us as family. How could you possibly remember the words spoken by someone at home?

That day was my most touching moment. I never imagined my son would suddenly stand up and speak up for me. In that instant, I felt he had grown a lot and realized he was different from before.”

Xia Jing didn’t understand what his son meant by suddenly saying these words, so he had to pretend to understand.

That day...

”Grandma and Grandpa, maybe you never knew how deeply your son was hurt by your actions. Everything you did was so selfish. Have you ever considered whether others would be hurt by what you did?

Perhaps when you were together, you never thought my father would be hurt like this or that he would one day become who he is now. Back then, you only imagined him as someone who would keep giving his all for himself because you never thought about how your actions would hurt your family. Your hearts were originally selfish and self-centered, gradually becoming enlightened. Maybe in the past, you were truly selfish but after going through all these, you let it go. Everyone has a path they need to walk. After someone walks the path they most wanted to, they slowly get used to everything.

I used to be afraid of anyone in the family saying anything bad to me, but gradually I got used to it. I no longer care about anything they say to me.

Looking back now at everything I used to long for, is it really what I wanted the most?

I watched as everything I cared about slowly grew and triumphed, and I watched as everything I cherished and was unwilling to let go of hurt everything else, gradually becoming more and more distant, and I was powerless.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made, no matter how tired I am, when I calm down and look back at each mistake I made, what have I turned into?

I don’t wish for my future life to always be spent in pain and suffering. I don’t want my family to always be the ones getting hurt. I just wish for my family to live happily, to live joyful lives. Perhaps such a saying is too simplistic to you, but I too once hoped to have a heart that cared for the world, and I once hoped my family could achieve the happiest and most joyful happiness. Yet in the end, I gained nothing. I’ve watched my family be hurt by you, and I’ve been powerless. Do you know what that feeling of failure is like? I’ve never felt like such a failure. What I wanted most was gained only through striving and effort, just like how my parents gave everything, yet no one ever considered things from their perspective. Isn’t life difficult enough already? They always wanted to leave the best for us, but what did we give them in return? Hurt after hurt, in the end, they were still forced to accept it.

Grandma and Grandpa, I’m not afraid of you hurting me over and over, but I really beg you, I beg you to let my parents be happier, even just a little happier. I would be eternally grateful to you. Over the years, none of you have considered the so-called pain and pressure my parents endured from their perspective. I’m a child; I can’t possibly bear all the hurt for my parents while just standing by watching. I can’t sit idly by. I want to step up and give them a hug, give them comfort, yet I can’t. I can never take that step. I’m afraid that the moment I stand in front of my mother to comfort her, she’ll burst into tears. I fear everything she says will leave me without words to comfort her. My mom has always given all her best to me, always thinking that the most perfect thing in this world is for her child to be happy and joyful. But every time I’m bullied, there she is, unwaveringly standing by my side, supporting me, and who has ever considered how hard my heart is at this very moment?”

”I know you said this today, you meant it cleanly, and I know that I hurt your parents. If it weren’t for our existence, your parents wouldn’t be living such hard lives. Seeing them like this now, it’s actually hard for us as elders. But what can we do? When we chose this path, the outcome was already destined, wasn’t it? We just want them to live in peace, even if that peace is not long-lasting, and even if only for a moment, for me, it’s a happiness.

How much do I wish to see my children living so happily? How much do I yearn to see my child’s smiling face every day, and to know all their joy and happiness is given by me? I hope that in front of my child, I am not seen as a coward, but rather, as someone willing to sacrifice everything for family, fearless of any harm.

I used to make every decision naively, thinking that as long as I could live happily, I wouldn’t care even if my family got hurt. But then I gradually discovered every mistake I had made was unforgivable. I allowed those who love me most to be hurt time and again. I don’t understand why I made those choices or decisions. I hurt everyone who genuinely loved me. I repeatedly took their love as a tool to use them. I don’t know what to do to bring everything back to its original state. I’m scared now. There’s not a day I’m not afraid of such things happening again. I am constantly living in fear. I’ve truly had enough of this life. I don’t want to be tormented mentally anymore.

Child, I know you’re telling us these words for your parents’ sake, and you also know your parents’ current life might not be what we imagined. Everyone envisions a life of happiness and no regrets. But is this life we have now truly what we want? Look at your mom now in the hospital, and your dad in his frantic state. But all we can do is repeatedly hurt you. Isn’t our leaving this home the best result and solution for you?

Or do you really wish for us to stay and turn the house into chaos, unable to live peacefully anymore?”

”Do you know? That moment might have been the happiest of my life. He stood up and spoke for me. I never thought that moment would be so blissful. You never cared about me like that, never helped me, never spoke a fair word for me. But he is different. Whether as a child or whatever, at least he was willing to consider things from my perspective and think about how hard it is for me to endure the suffering and agony!”