My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1240: Chapter 1069: Nobility

The decisions I once made, in the eyes of others may seem noble, yet only the depths of my own heart can truly understand, but it’s not at all what I wanted.

”Zhentian, actually there are things that you know well in your heart, those things can’t be forgotten just like that. Just like what I did to you today, the words I spoke to you, you think you can just dismiss them, but doesn’t your heart really have no conflict? Doesn’t your heart really feel no pain?

I believe your heart feels the same pain because you are a man. As a man, you should have your dignity. You don’t want your wife to be thought of by anyone else, and you don’t want any other man in your wife’s heart, especially if that man isn’t you. For you, this is a great insult.

I have seen your sincerity towards me over the years, but I have always chosen to avoid it, to turn a blind eye to your sincerity. Every sincere word you said to me, I have turned a deaf ear to. I know it’s very unfair to you, but there are things I can’t help with. I can only use this way to tell you, to fight you, because maybe only this way will you gradually let me go.

I once read a book called ’Letting Go Is Also a Kind of Beauty,’ letting go is a kind of fulfillment, do you know? When I read this book, how shocked I was. I thought about why others can let go so perfectly, turn around so perfectly, even if they were in tears at that moment of turning, yet they could still resolutely leave, and why can’t I?

If back then, during the time you were pursuing me, I had resolutely turned around, would there not be this tragedy today? Would you not have been hurt so deeply by me? All of this is the mistake I made myself, but in the end, it made you suffer this pain with me. I really feel very sorry about that.

Some things really can’t be let go of. You can’t give up the past, and the things I told you can’t be forgotten by you. Since that’s the case, why do we need to force ourselves to entangle together full of guilt and unease? Is this the life everyone wants? This will only push us step by step into a dead end until the moment when there’s no way out does one realize what one has done wrong, what choices have been made, and what consequences these choices bring? Make oneself wonder whether one has achieved what they wanted in life!

Zhang Zhentian, how could he not understand the intentions behind his wife’s words? All she wanted was for him to let go, to fulfill her and let her leave him. But for him, isn’t it the hardest thing in the world?

”Maybe you’re right, but for me, there’s no way to fulfill this. Perhaps I just don’t have that kind of magnanimity, but do you know? As long as I think about letting go of the woman I’ve held dearly and cherished for decades, who will no longer be mine, my heart feels like it’s being cut by a knife. I can’t bear that pain. I don’t want you to bear such pain with me. I only want us to live a stable life together. Is it really that difficult? Isn’t it better to give me a path of retreat and yourself a path of retreat?

You think I can’t let go of your past, but today I want to make it clear to you: as long as you are willing to try to give me a chance, try to love me, try to stay by my side!

Then I’d be willing to give up all my past for you. I can pretend that nothing ever happened in the past. I will still love you like before, still accompany you, never leaving, until the end of my life, when we face the great beyond together.

Maybe you don’t quite believe what I’m saying now, but do you know? Every word I say to you is from the heart, I’ve never thought of deceiving you, even though you have told me so many lies, but in my heart, I still believe you, I can still make choices for you that everyone else sees as unwise, make decisions that aren’t wise at all. But I just want you to stay by my side, I’ve done so much, I believe you won’t be as stone-hearted as before, knowing that you have feelings for me yet still rejecting me a thousand miles away...”

Zhang Yichen, upon hearing his father’s words, felt a bit conflicted, and his heart trembled with it. Even his father could let go of some preconceived notions for his mother, for his lover, so why couldn’t he? His wife was someone he painstakingly searched for ten years to find, that kind of feeling cannot be severed easily. Can’t he make some sacrifices for her? Does he really have to be that overbearing, letting his life’s important matters be ruined by such trivial things?

Maybe only by truly letting go of the past can the future between them be the best choice, maybe only this way will everyone know what kind of life they want after all, and for what kind of life they made what choices, maybe those choices would benefit one’s entire life, maybe those choices would leave one heavily indebted.

Ran Zhihan was also somewhat contemplative in his heart, he wondered why his parents could come to this point, but why would his husband not let go of some preconceived notions?

If his husband could do that too, how wonderful it would be, how happy his life would be, no one could know.

”Zhentian, some things can’t be let go just like that, you should understand. Even if you swear here that you can let go of all the past, can your heart truly get over that hurdle?

I hope you don’t force yourself to do anything. I just want you to speak and act according to your heart, hope you can live happily and joyfully. I don’t care, I don’t care how painful my life is, as long as you’re happy. In the past, I’ve owed you too much, I’ve never thought of changing for you, now I just want to give a little for you!

Also, I hope you won’t foolishly invest all your emotions in me like you did before, that would ultimately make you feel very, very tired. One day when I leave, it will become the biggest blow you feel, and that’s not the ending I want to see. What I want is for you to smile broadly and smile at me.

But your words today, I am truly touched, maybe one day I truly will fall deeply in love with you, until that day comes I will be deeply trapped, immersed for a life, if that day really comes, I hope you can really put the past behind and genuinely live with me as you said today!”

Actually, everyone lives very selfishly, for their own selfishness they gave everything, never thinking whether the other party really needs oneself to stay by their side, even less thought about what their actions will earn in return, but deep down, always feel that as long as one gives, one will surely get the perfect reward.