My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1244: Chapter 1073: No Longer Entangled

Whenever I encountered some difficulties, I could make the things I loved most revert to their original state. Was that the result Teacher Sun wanted? Watching the person I loved most leave me time and time again, allowing everything I cared about to completely contradict my original intentions, I then realized that all of this was really not what I wanted.

”No matter what you say to me or what words you choose, I won’t ever let go of your hand for the rest of my life. You can’t escape completely either. Isn’t it just about wanting to live happily? It’s simple, if you’re with me, I can give you the life you want, everything you want. Why do you treat me like this and cruelly abandon me? Does abandoning me truly make you happy? When you see me in agony, do you feel good inside?” Zhang Zhentian once again showed his relentless nature.

Xia Jing was speechless with Zhang Zhentian. How could someone be like this? She had already spoken so definitively with no room for retreat. Why did he still choose this way? Was it truly that important in his eyes? Just what kind of person am I, when I can’t even understand myself, let alone expect others to fully understand? Perhaps it’s my excessively high standards that drive everyone who loves me away. Where exactly is my mistake?

”Sigh, why can’t you listen to all that I’ve said? You should know I don’t genuinely want to abandon you. Discarding you causes me deep pain too, but do you realize that every time I decide to leave you, it hurts me too? Yet I know, if I don’t resolutely leave you now, we will only hurt each other more deeply in the future because you no longer include me in your heart. Every decision you’ve made is directed at me, disregarding my feelings. It’s the same this time; I’m being interrogated for no reason. What have I done? Why do you repeatedly assume that all bad things are my doing? Am I really such a person who loves doing bad things in your eyes?” Xia Jing said to Zhang Zhentian. ”Actually, often I don’t even know what kind of person I am. Even if I used to commit many wrongs, I still hope to be a good person now. I want a life lived openly, not constantly hiding, always trying to cover up my mistakes. The things I did before are my deepest regrets. I’ve never regretted anything as much as that in the past, but now I truly understand that nothing is more important than family. But now it’s too late, there’s no room for maneuver. Let’s leave a way out for each other and not force each other into a corner, okay?”

”You ask me not to drive you into a corner, but do you realize that everything you’ve said and done today is pushing me towards the edge? How scared I am that you’ll leave me, don’t you understand how intense this fear is? I’ve never dared to wish for anything else, because each time you leave, I feel deep sadness. However, after all this time, when finally my pain was beginning to heal, why reopen my wound again? Must you keep tearing it open and rubbing salt into it until I’m in agony for your happiness? Everyone must take responsibility for their actions. If you choose this path, don’t regret it because once chosen, there’s no turning back. Life is like this—no matter what decisions you make, your entire life will follow this path. Even if you chose wrong at the start, you must continue down this painful path with no pleasure. What else can you do? I had no choice but to go with you into the civil office to sign the divorce papers. You heartlessly abandoned me, kicked me out as your wife; don’t now claim I abandoned you. Aren’t you confusing black with white by saying so?”

”So you’re still hung up on me taking you into the civil office to sign for divorce. I know this wounded you greatly, but back then wasn’t I also driven mad with anger? I cared about you so much; I couldn’t accept any of your lies. Even if I could accept your lies, I couldn’t accept placing your health at risk. It was because I cared that I acted that way. I wished you would have pleaded with me sincerely and promised never to lie again. But you said what you did, do you not remember every word you spoke? Oftentimes hearts are stubborn, longing for love without abandonment. How I wished you would be with me, do you understand? I gave so much to be with you, but in your eyes it seems worthless. Our time together was the happiest of my life. I realize I shouldn’t blame you entirely for those things; my mistakes were clear. Why was I not brave enough to take responsibility for the consequences of my wrongs? I was scared too, scared of being expelled by my family again, so I was selfish. But because of my selfishness, you left me utterly. Isn’t that my biggest punishment? It’s been so many years; shouldn’t we reconcile!”

”You worried your family might expel you, but did you not think they might expel me because of these things? When acting, you were truly selfish; you admit it yourself. Why should I reconcile with you now, when doing so means letting you hurt me all over again? Do you not know how painful this makes me feel inside? Each time, I’ve longed to live with you, but what about you? Every decision you’ve made, have you ever treated me as family? You’ve treated me so, yet each time I’ve forgiven you, accepted all your faults. But what about you? This is how you treat me, pushing your mistakes onto me, making your family believe I’m at fault, and wanting to kick me out. Are you satisfied now? We can never go back. You can return home peacefully. Why do you still seek me out repeatedly, only causing me more pain!”

”Who hasn’t endured pain deep down, who lives always cheerfully without fluctuations, who foresaw what their life would become? Things most desired are often hardest to attain!

Now I’ve learned not to continue entangled. Entanglement might benefit oneself but inflicts harm on others, causing oneself suffering as well, and that’s not what I want.”