Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game!

The flagship of the Golden Griffin Trade Guild was a floating palace of polished cloud-oak and beaten gold.

Known throughout the Middle Strata as the Gilded Leviathan, the three-decked sky-galleon did not travel for war. It traveled for profit.

Its cargo holds were packed with silk bolts and starlight wine. Iron chests of enchanted jewelry lined the deck.

At the helm stood Merchant Prince Cassian Goldwright.

Cassian wore robes of fire-spider thread. Seven gold rings set with sapphires sparkled on his manicured fingers. He was a man who believed that everything in the heavens had a price tag.

”Chief Appraiser Morvath,” Cassian said, swirling a crystal goblet of pear wine. ”Report our bearings. How far are we from the Radiant Dawn Academy’s trading docks?”

Beside him, an elderly scholar peered through a brass astrolabe.

”We are three leagues out, Your Radiance,” Elder Morvath replied, adjusting his spectacles. ”The wind currents are favorable. We should dock at the Solar Peak by morning tea.”

Then, the sky shattered.

* * *

It did not shatter with sound. It shattered with light.

A pillar of golden radiance erupted from the western archipelago. It cut through the night sky like a spear.

The dark clouds were instantly vaporized into wisps of sweet-scented steam. The twin crescent moons were completely drowned in a sea of blinding amber glory.

On the navigation deck, chaos erupted.

Ping! Clang! Snap!

The brass navigation compasses spun like runaway sawblades. The silver divination needles glowed red. They melted into slag inside their glass housings from the immense pressure.

”Gods above!” Morvath shrieked, dropping his burning spectacles.

”The spiritual pressure! The ambient solar density just spiked by four hundred thousand percent!”

Cassian grabbed the mahogany railing to keep from falling.

His knees buckled under a sudden, suffocating gravitational wave that made the five-hundred-ton sky-galleon groan from keel to mast.

”Is it an Imperial Dreadnought?!” Cassian barked, his face pale as powdered chalk. ”Did the Sky-Emperor fire the Star-Buster Cannon?!”

”No!” Morvath shouted, pointing a trembling finger toward the source of the golden pillar.

”Look at the coordinates! That isn’t the First Spire! That is the Seventh Spire! The Solitude Peak!”

Cassian froze.

”The Seventh Spire?” Cassian whispered.

”That neglected heap of weeds and rotting timber? Isn’t that where Grandmaster Vivienne Frost lived before she vanished into the void?”

”The rumors were true,” Morvath murmured, his eyes wide with religious ecstasy. ”The ancient texts spoke of an immortal solar sovereign who slumbered beneath the mountain, waiting for the celestial alignment. He has awakened! The True Yang Sovereign has opened his eyes!”

Cassian’s merchant instincts roared to life.

”All ships, hard to port!” Cassian roared, kicking the helmsman awake.

”Signal the escort galleons! We redirect our entire convoy to the Seventh Spire immediately!”

”Your Radiance!” the first mate cried. ”We have contracts with the Chancellor on the Solar Peak!”

”Forget the Chancellor!” Cassian screamed, his eyes burning with frantic greed.

”If an ancient god has awakened on that peak, whoever secures his favor will control trade for ten thousand years! Load the tribute chests! Bring out the Dragon-Marrow Pearls and the Frost-Silk banners! Move!”

* * *

On Solitude Spire, the morning was peaceful, breezy, and entirely unremarkable.

Click-whirrrrr-ding!

Barnaby the clockwork owl perched on his cedar beam, swelling his brass chest to unleash his morning motivational war cry.

Thump.

A carved oak bottle cork flew across the room and jammed into Barnaby’s open beak with surgical accuracy.

Barnaby’s amber retinas flared with indignity. A faint, muffled ”Hrmph!” whistled through the porous cork as his internal brass gears ground against each other in impotent frustration.

In the corner hammock, Felix Vance let out a contented sigh and rolled over.

The author’s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

”Five more minutes,” Felix murmured. ”Or three hours. Three hours sounds much more balanced.”

Eventually, his stomach rumbled, reminding him that basic biological functions were annoying and mandatory.

Felix kicked off his blanket. He swung his legs from the hammock and shuffled into his worn straw slippers. He stretched his arms toward the ceiling, letting out a loud yawn that popped his jaw.

He reached beneath his pillow and retrieved the obsidian slate.

The screen lit up with warm amber pixels.

[AETHERDECK OS: BUILD v2.4.1 (IDLE RUNTIME ENGAGED)]

Player: Felix Vance (User ID: 00000001)

Core Status: PLANETARY ROCKY CORE (EARTH-MASS TIER 1)

Core Stellar Fusion Rate: 4.2 Million Tons H/sec

Overnight AFK Duration: 8 Hours, 14 Minutes

Accumulated Idle Energy: 82,400,000 Cosmic Watts

[UNCLAIMED OFFLINE LOOT]:

• 18x Minor Starlight Condensate (Consumable)

• 3x Solar Slag Pellets (Smelting Residue)

• 1x Common Wooden Bucket (Durability: 50/50)

• 250 Idle Gold Coins

[1. CLAIM LOOT] [2. CORE BAFFLES] [3. SHOP]

Felix tapped [CLAIM LOOT].

A satisfying digital chime echoed through his skull.

Ding-ding-dong!

A sturdy wooden bucket appeared on the floor with a clatter. Three shiny nuggets dropped beside it, which Felix kicked aside.

”A wooden bucket,” Felix remarked, nodding approvingly. ”Now that is actual utility.”

The old washbasin was leaking anyway. Good game.

”Solid drop table.”

He glanced at the HUD tooltip hovering over the bucket:

【Item: Common Wooden Bucket】 【Grade: Sturdy Pine Cooperage】 【Durability: 50/50】 【Inspector Note: Holds roughly three gallons of well water without dripping. Completely immune to common termites due to passive stellar radiation saturation. Sells for 2 copper coins to a bemused junk merchant.】

Felix smiled, grabbed his chipped ceramic mug, and shuffled out to the porch to enjoy the cool morning air.

* * *

On the porch steps, Lyra Ashford was on her knees.

She had not slept a single second. Her back was straight.

Her long silver hair was tied in a neat ribbon. Her violet eyes shone with calm devotion.

Her amethyst eyes stared at the small dirt garden plot ten feet away.

There, glowing with the gentle, rhythmic pulse of a newborn star, sat the cabbage she had planted yesterday. Its jade leaves unfurled into a golden lotus shape. A fragrant mist smelled of clover and honey.

When the cottage door creaked open, Lyra flinched as if struck by lightning.

She bowed her head until her forehead nearly touched the wood.

”Good morning, Senior Brother,” Lyra whispered, her voice trembling with profound reverence. ”The... the heavenly ignition of the midnight sky was magnificent. Your servant was unworthy to witness the birth of your True Yang Domain.”

Felix looked down at her, blinked twice, and took a sip of lukewarm jasmine tea.

”Morning, Lyra,” Felix said mildly. ”You’re up early.”

Did you sleep out here? You know the spare cot in the storeroom is free, right?

”Sleeping on cedar planks gives you awful neck cramps.”

Lyra’s breath hitched.

He speaks of mundane physical comfort, she thought, her pulse racing. A test! He is testing my martial resolve! He wishes to see if my Dao heart can endure the harshness of the void!

”Your servant requires no cot, Senior Brother!” Lyra declared passionately. ”To bask in the residual solar grace of your breathing is greater than ten thousand years of mortal luxury!”

Felix stared at her for a long moment.

A translucent box popped up above her head:

【Target: Lyra Ashford】 【Cultivation: Adept Tier 4 (Peak Bottleneck)】 【Mental State: Severely Over-Caffeinated On Religious Delusion】 【Inspector Note: Has decided you are an ancient solar emperor. If you tell her to go eat an apple, she will assume the apple contains the secret formula for immortality and meditate on the peel for three days.】

Felix sighed softly into his tea.

”Right,” Felix muttered. ”Well, don’t let me stop you. Just make sure you stay hydrated. Dehydration debuffs ruin your stamina bar.”

Before Lyra could decipher the meaning of a stamina bar, a brass horn vibrated through the morning air.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

* * *

The sound echoed through the clouds, rolling across Solitude Spire like thunder.

Felix squinted into the white mist drifting around the cliffside.

Three colossal vessels were emerging from the fog bank. They were enormous sky-barges clad in polished gold. Red silk sails bore the crest of a rampant griffin.

Massive grappling hooks shot from the lead ship. They embedded into the island’s outer crags with heavy thuds.

Gangplanks lowered with the hiss of pneumatic steam valves.

Dozens of guards in gleaming ceremonial breastplates lined the railings, holding silver halberds at rigid attention.

A plump man in fire-silk robes led the procession. Appraisers followed with velvet cushions laden with jeweled urns.

”What is that?” Felix asked, taking another sip of tea. ”Is the academy holding an outdoor cosplay convention?”

Lyra’s eyes narrowed into slits. Her hand dropped instantly to the hilt of her rapier.

”The Golden Griffin Trade Guild,” Lyra hissed, stepping forward to shield Felix. ”The most ruthless merchant consortium in the eastern skies.”

They smell profit like vultures smell carrion! They saw your divine light, Senior Brother.

”They have come to intrude upon your holy sanctuary!”

”They brought a lot of shiny stuff,” Felix observed, noticing the velvet cushions. ”Do you think they sell scallion oil? We’re almost out.”

Lyra looked back at him, her eyes wide with sudden awe.

Scallion oil! she thought frantically. A metaphor for the primordial elixir that ignites the spiritual hearth! He is demanding their most sacred treasures under the guise of common seasoning! His wisdom is truly bottomless!

Down on the grassy path, Merchant Prince Cassian Goldwright approached with agonizing care.

Every step felt like wading through knee-deep molasses. The gravity from the Seventh Spire was dense. Cassian felt as if an iron plate rested across his shoulders.

The domain of a Sovereign, Cassian thought, sweat soaking his silk collar. His very presence bends the fabric of space! The air itself carries the weight of a mountain!

Cassian reached the edge of the porch steps.

He looked up, expecting a towering immortal in dragon robes. He expected hovering swords and divine fire.

Instead, he saw a young man with messy bedhead, wearing a faded hemp tunic with frayed cuffs.

The youth sat in a rocking chair. He dunked a dry biscuit into a chipped mug, looking sleepy and bored.

Beside him stood the missing heiress of the Ashford Clan. Her hand rested on her sword, glaring coldly.

Cassian immediately dropped to both knees, pressing his forehead against the dirt.

”Grand Sovereign of the Solar Flame!” Cassian shouted, his voice trembling with reverent dread.

”I, Cassian of the Goldwright lineage, humble servant of the Golden Griffin Guild, offer our unworthy prostrations! We saw the sign of your awakening. We have brought rare treasures to beg for your divine favor!”

Felix paused, his biscuit halfway to his mouth.

He looked at Cassian. Then he looked at the six appraisers kneeling in the mud behind him.

Then he looked at his AetherDeck.

”Man,” Felix whispered under his breath. ”The voice acting on these roaming merchant NPCs is getting way too dramatic. I just wanted to know if they had scallion oil.”