Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game!

Merchant Prince Cassian Goldwright remained prostrated on the dirt path, his forehead pressed firmly against the mossy stones.

Behind him, six elite trade appraisers in velvet robes were frozen in identical postures of desperate submission. Sweat dripped steadily from the tip of Cassian’s nose, soaking into the soil.

Above them, on the wooden porch, Felix took another languid bite of his dry biscuit.

Crunch.

The sound was shockingly loud in the tense, suffocating silence of the clearing.

”So,” Felix said after swallowing. ”You guys are from the trade guild. Do you sell groceries, or is this just an elaborate promotional event?”

Cassian’s heart hammered against his ribs like a trapped sparrow.

An elaborate promotional event! Cassian thought, his mind racing through seven layers of esoteric symbolism. He refers to the mortal struggles of our multi-million-gold shipping empire as a trivial promotional sideshow! To a primordial entity who commands the dawn, the commerce of seven sky-continents is nothing more than children playing with pebbles!

”Great Sovereign!” Cassian stammered, raising his hands in supplication.

”We bring humble tribute from the Great Vaults of the Golden Griffin! We offer twelve crates of Starlight Silk and pearl oil! We bring thirty enchanted daggers forged in Mount Sol!”

Appraisers pushed mahogany chests forward. They opened the lids to reveal blinding displays of gemstones and shimmering silk.

Felix leaned forward in his rocking chair, squinting at the open chests.

A series of black brackets materialized over the gleaming treasures:

【Item: Year-Hundred Starlight Silk】 【Grade: Common Cosmetic Fabric】 【Inspector Note: Soft and flashy, but offers zero physical armor value. Sells to the junk vendor for 8 copper coins. If you wear this while taking a nap, it will catch on the wicker weave of your hammock and fray immediately.】

【Item: Enchanted Obsidian Daggers】 【Grade: Low-Tier Novelty Weaponry】 【Inspector Note: Glows with a faint purple light to impress gullible apprentices. Butter knives have better edge retention. Sells for 3 copper coins.】

Felix frowned slightly.

His inventory storage in the AetherDeck was already cluttered with iron ore and broken wooden buckets. He had zero interest in filling his precious inventory slots with overpriced cosmetic robes that tore easily.

”No thanks,” Felix said, waving a dismissive hand. ”Cosmetics have terrible resale value.”

Do you have any salt? Or maybe dried chili flakes?

”The general store on the main plaza has been out of chili flakes for three weeks.”

Cassian’s jaw dropped.

Chili flakes?!

The Merchant Prince felt the blood drain from his face. The ancient god rejected twelve fortunes of rare sky-silk. Instead, he demanded the Spicy Fire-Seed of the Phoenix!

”Forgive our insolence, Sovereign!” Cassian pleaded, his voice cracking.

”We were ignorant! We did not bring the sacred fire-spices of the southern peaks!”

While Cassian was hyperventilating, Chief Appraiser Morvath was slowly turning his head toward the side of the porch.

Morvath wore a monocle ground from a thousand-year-old spirit prism. It was designed to detect magical radiation, leylines, and hidden celestial treasures.

Suddenly, the prism flared with an intensity that burned Morvath’s eyeball.

POP!

The lens of the monocle fractured into a spiderweb of hairline cracks.

Morvath gasped, clutching his eye. Through his watering vision, he looked past the wooden porch steps toward the corner of the garden plot.

There, resting beside a crooked rain barrel, sat Felix’s wooden compost bucket.

It was filled with vegetable scraps, crushed eggshells, and damp tea leaves. But draped carelessly over the rim of the bucket was a single, six-inch ribbon of translucent, amber-glowing skin.

It was the peel of a nine-yang sun-radish that Felix had chopped up for his morning porridge two days ago.

Bathed in the dense resonance of Felix’s newly condensed rocky core, the vegetable peel absorbed stray energy. Instead of rotting, it pulsed with a golden heartbeat. A sweet scent of wild honey drifted across the grass.

”B-by the Ancestors...” Morvath whimpered, his spectacles tumbling into the dirt.

He fell to all fours, crawling like an intoxicated hound toward the compost heap.

”Chief Appraiser?” Cassian hissed in an urgent whisper.

”What are you doing?! Do not crawl toward the Sovereign’s waste receptacle! You will invoke his divine wrath!”

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

”Your Radiance!” Morvath wept, his shaking fingers hovering two inches above the compost rim.

”Look! In the name of the Trade Gods, open your spiritual eyes and look!”

Cassian blinked, activating his minor merchant sight.

The moment his spiritual gaze fell upon the compost bucket, his breath caught in his throat.

The golden glow from the peel was astonishingly pure. It was denser than the spirit springs of the Imperial Palace. Just inhaling the vapor rising from the decaying tea leaves caused Cassian’s dormant mana channels to hum with terrifying vigor.

”The peel...” Cassian whispered in sheer, unadulterated horror. ”The discarded rind of a Ten-Thousand-Year Primordial Solar Ginseng!”

”Not just the peel!” Morvath sobbed, tears cutting muddy tracks through his powdered face.

”The dirt! The sacred loam beneath it! It has been saturated with the divine nectar of the True Yang! A single pinch of this compost could resurrect a withered spirit orchard!”

Before Cassian could react, a tall figure in dark green robes pushed past the kneeling guards.

Guild Arbiter Corvus represented the rival shipping consortium. He had paid heavy bribes to travel aboard as an observer.

Corvus did not hesitate. He threw himself forward across the wet grass. He skidded on his knees toward the compost pile.

”Fifty thousand gold marks!” Corvus screamed, his eyes bloodshot with frantic ambition. ”I bid fifty thousand astral marks for the golden rind and half the sacred loam!”

Cassian’s eyes widened with murderous rage.

”Corvus, you treacherous swine!” Cassian roared, scrambling to his feet and shoving his rival backward into the dirt.

”You dare bid upon my trade delegation’s sovereign audience?! One hundred thousand astral marks! Plus three sky-galleons from the Golden Griffin fleet!”

”One hundred and fifty thousand!” Corvus shrieked, spitting grass from his lips. ”And the deed to the Silver-Vein Cloud Mine in the northern skies!”

”Two hundred thousand!” Cassian bellowed, his voice cracking like a whip. ”And sixty barrels of refined fire-dragon blood!”

The guards and appraisers watched in stunned silence. Two dignified merchant lords rolled in the mud, shrieking wild bids like gamblers.

Felix sat in his rocking chair, taking another sip of lukewarm jasmine tea.

He looked down at the two middle-aged men wrestling over his compost heap, then looked at Lyra.

”Are they... having a breakdown?”

Felix asked mildly. ”Did the air pressure on their sky-boat mess with their heads?”

Lyra stood beside him, her chin held high, her chest swelling with deep, reverent understanding.

Look at him, Lyra thought, her eyes shining with absolute devotion. Senior Brother sits in peaceful detachment while mortal kings wager empires over the scraps of his breakfast! He deliberately discarded that divine skin to test the greed of the mortal realm! This is the ultimate demonstration of the Dao: that which is worthless garbage to a Sovereign is an unattainable miracle to worldly fools!

”They are fighting for your grace, Senior Brother,” Lyra said softly, her voice filled with quiet awe. ”They recognize that even the dust beneath your fingernails holds the power to overturn dynasties.”

Felix sighed, rubbing his temples.

”It’s literally rotting radish peel, Lyra,” Felix said deadpan. ”I threw it out because it was too fibrous to chew. If they leave it out in the sun, it’s gonna attract fruit flies. Fruit flies are the absolute worst.”

Down on the grass, the bidding had reached a frantic, desperate climax.

”Three hundred thousand!” Corvus screamed, clutching Cassian’s velvet lapels.

”Silence, dog!” Cassian roared, kicking Corvus off him.

Cassian reached deep inside his iridescent robes and pulled out an ornate velvet pouch bound with golden mithril cord. With trembling hands, he untied the knot and spilled the contents onto the palms of his hands.

Three flawless, fist-sized crystals tumbled forth.

They were glowing azure crystals, perfectly octagonal. Frost crystals formed along the grass blades beneath Cassian’s knees. The ambient spiritual pressure from the stones was so intense that the surrounding mist rolled back ten paces.

”High-Grade Sovereign Spirit Stones!” Morvath gasped from the dirt, his eyes rolling back in his head. ”The foundation stones of the Southern Sky-Vault!”

Cassian raised the three glowing azure stones high above his head, presenting them toward Felix on the porch.

”Sovereign!” Cassian pleaded, his voice ragged with exhaustion and desperate devotion.

”I offer three High-Grade Sovereign Spirit Stones! The ancestral heritage of the Goldwright clan! I ask for nothing more than the sacred golden rind and half an ounce of the primordial compost loam! Grant this humble merchant your blessing!”

Felix stared at the three glowing blue rocks in Cassian’s hands.

A black tooltip blinked into his field of vision:

【Item: High-Grade Sovereign Spirit Stone (x3)】 【Grade: Ninth-Tier Primordial Energy Battery】 【Purity: 99.9% Condensed Astral Mana】 【Inspector Note: Contains enough raw spiritual current to power an imperial floating fortress for three hundred years. Sect masters routinely sacrifice entire armies to obtain one. Sells to the junk vendor for 5 copper coins, but functions exceptionally well as a paperweight to stop your game manuals from blowing away in the wind.】

Felix’s eyebrows lifted slightly.

”Paperweights,” Felix murmured.

Whenever wind blew through the porch, loose sheets of quest notes on his table went flying into the bushes. He had been looking for a couple of heavy, flat rocks to hold them down.

These three blue stones looked remarkably heavy. And the cold blue glow was kind of aesthetic.

Felix set his ceramic tea mug down on the wooden railing.

”Alright,” Felix said casually. ”Deal.”

Cassian felt as though the heavens had opened up and bathed his soul in pure nectar.

”He... he accepted!”

Cassian wept openly, tears streaming into his manicured beard. ”The Sovereign has granted his covenant!”

Felix pointed a lazy finger toward the compost bucket.

”Go ahead,” Felix told him. ”Take the peel. Take a scoop of the dirt if you want it for your potted plants. Just don’t knock the bucket over i don’t feel like sweeping the path again today.”

Cassian scrambled forward on his knees with religious precision.

With trembling hands, he placed the three Sovereign Spirit Stones on the porch step. He bowed until his nose touched wood.

Chief Appraiser Morvath produced silver tweezers and an ivory jade urn. He delicately lifted the golden radish peel from the leaves. Morvath lowered the peel into the velvet interior of the urn.

Cassian took a tiny gold spoon. He scooped half an ounce of damp compost into a crystal phial.

”It is done,” Cassian whispered, his face glowing with triumph. ”The future of the Golden Griffin Guild is secured for eternity.”

Felix walked over to the porch edge. He picked up the glowing blue crystals and carried them to his table.

He placed one stone on his game maps. He put the second on his cleaning cloth, and the third on blank paper.

The papers didn’t move. The blue crystals held them down with rock-solid, absolute stability.

Felix nodded in deep satisfaction.

”Perfect,” Felix muttered to himself. ”No more chasing loose papers across the yard. Easiest trade in history. Those roleplay merchants are completely unhinged, but at least their paperweights have some decent weight to them.”

Down on the path, the merchants bowed their way backward toward the ships. They clutched their urn like a holy relic.

Lyra watched them retreat. She looked back at Felix, who had already settled into his rocking chair to tap his slate.

He gave them life, Lyra thought, her heart swelling with reverence so profound it bordered on agony. He took three stones that could level mountains! Lyra marveled. He placed them upon parchment to anchor destiny! His every gesture rewrites reality itself.*

Felix, meanwhile, was frowning at his AetherDeck screen.

”Wait a second,” Felix grumbled, scratching his cheek. ”I forgot to ask them if they had garlic. Damn it. You can’t make good fried noodles without garlic.”