The Fantastic Little Farmer

Chapter 50: Chapter 50: Want to Go Check Out the Haunting?

”Sure, she’s a few years older than you, but what does that matter? It’s better to marry an older woman!”

Wang Fugui started babbling again. ”One year older, a poor wife to shoulder; two years older, a gold ingot you’ll hold; three years older, she’s a brick of solid gold; four years older, a treasure to behold; five years older, she’ll care like your mother; six years older, gold beans like no other; seven years older, a golden hen to hold her; eight years older, destined to strike gold; nine years older, everything unfolds; ten years older, worth a fortune untold...”

Zhang Yun was left speechless. He thought, ”Did Uncle Fugui just make all of that up?”

He had only ever heard the saying about ”three years older gets you a brick of solid gold.” Later, after the French president married his much older girlfriend, an internet joke spawned about how ”thirty years older wins you the presidency.” Where did all this nonsense about caring like a mother and everything unfolding come from?

”Listen to your uncle, I’m right. A woman who’s a few years older knows how to take better care of a man.” Since they were all family and all men, Wang Fugui got carried away. ”Who says dating has to lead to marriage? You lack Experience! Fat, ugly, big, or old—they can all help you accumulate Experience. It’s the same for women. Do you think they’ll definitely marry you just because you date? Everyone needs to test each other’s lengths and explore each other’s depths.”

Zhang Fu coughed dryly from the side to remind Wang Fugui that he was crossing the line. Zhang Yun could only smile and agree. ”Okay, okay, I’ll give it a try.”

For the rest of the meal, Wang Fugui taught Zhang Yun a few tricks for picking up girls. Although his methods were twenty years out of date, some still held a bit of reference value.

After sending Wang Fugui off, the father and son cleaned up the dining table. Zhang Fu casually mentioned, ”Give it a try. Don’t you like them a bit bigger? You could even follow her and find a job in her city when the time comes.”

Zhang Yun fell silent and tensed up for a moment. He wondered, ”How did Dad know I like them bigger?” For a young man lacking Experience like him, a large chest provided the most obvious visual impact!

But he quickly realized that the ”bigger” his dad was referring to wasn’t the ”bigger” he was thinking of. It all stemmed from Sister-in-law Xiuqin; his dad actually thought he liked mature women who were a few years older!

”Yeah, I’ll try chatting with her first,” Zhang Yun replied vaguely. He really felt too embarrassed to discuss this with his dad.

Zhang Fu didn’t make him wash the dishes or clean up, urging him to hurry and add her on WeChat instead. If they hit it off, having a girlfriend would take up his time, and he wouldn’t consider the local village girls anymore.

Returning to his room, Zhang Yun searched the phone number and sent a WeChat friend request without a hint of excitement. He really didn’t want to enter the blind dating phase at such a young age.

When typing the verification message, Zhang Yun typed ”introduced by my second uncle,” but quickly deleted it. She wouldn’t know who his second uncle was!

Even if he typed Wang Fugui’s name, she definitely wouldn’t know him either. And since Zhang Yun didn’t have any information about her family, he hesitated before changing it to: ”I’m the one introduced by an acquaintance.”

Since she was probably off work for the evening, the friend request was approved shortly after he sent it.

”Hello,” Zhang Yun greeted her politely, but immediately felt his opening line was far too lame. If he really wanted to pick up girls, this lacked any sort of attraction.

Just as Zhang Yun was pondering how to be a bit more humorous and witty, the woman replied rapidly.

First, she sent a location pin. Opening it, he saw she really was in a major city.

”You know the deal, right?”

Seeing this message, Zhang Yun couldn’t help but chuckle. What picking up girls? This was a blind date; both sides needed to clarify their conditions first.

”I’m not quite sure. Is it convenient for you to explain?” Zhang Yun replied, also preparing to list his own information.

”1,500 a pop, 2,500 for the night.”

Huh? Zhang Yun failed to react at first. He thought, ”What the hell is this?”

”Since an acquaintance introduced you, I’ll give you a twenty percent discount. 1,200 a pop, 2,000 for the night.” There were also a few phrases where emojis replaced the words.

Although Zhang Yun had no Experience with such moral corruption, he wasn’t completely naive. After his initial shock, he realized exactly what was going on.

He just didn’t know what to reply for a moment. He had been right about to share his own personal information!

”Are you coming?

”If you come over now, I’m still free. I can’t guarantee it if it gets any later.”

Assuming he was considering it, the woman sent two messages urging him.

He couldn’t bring himself to talk about blind dating anymore, so Zhang Yun decided to just treat this as a chance to understand the social conditions of the big city. ”Is it really that expensive?”

”It includes a hotel apartment studio, so you don’t have to pay extra for a room, and I even gave you a twenty percent discount. You wouldn’t get it this cheap if an acquaintance hadn’t introduced you.”

After saying that, she directly sent over a few heavily Photoshopped pictures.

Zhang Yun’s eyes lit up, but before he could look at them carefully, she recalled the messages, refusing to give him a chance to get a free peek.

”Are you coming, big brother?”

Zhang Yun thought, ”If I say ’I’m not that kind of person’ right now, she’d probably curse me out, right? If I’m not that kind of person, why did I add her in the first place?”

He opted for a more tactful approach. ”I’m a bit too far away. I can’t make it.”

After he sent that, the other party didn’t reply. Zhang Yun wondered if she was just an agent and not necessarily the one providing the service. After a while, he asked another question. ”Is it actually you in the photos?”

As a result, the message failed to send. It required a friend verification!

Zhang Yun had just told the absolute truth; he really was too far away to go. But the other party probably assumed he was some pervert asking for prices to trick her into sending photos and deleted him right away!

He thought, ”Uncle Fugui, it’s not that I don’t want to accumulate Experience points in picking up girls. It’s just that with this one, you can skip the entire process. For one percent of a bride price, you get an ultra-premium Experience you might not even get after paying the bride price...”

Zhang Yun rested for the entirety of the morning and afternoon. Combined with eating two Mysterious Petals today, he was in high spirits, so he told his dad he was going to guard the fish again.

Seeing how crazy those fish acted that evening, it seemed they had noticeably grown; there were indeed some ready to be harvested. However, since no one else knew about it, no one would come to steal them.

As he walked out of the village, Zhang Yun suddenly felt an urge to visit that cornfield from last time.

That night, watching a live-action show up close in the cornfield had left him feeling quite nostalgic. But those people wouldn’t just stay in one spot, so it wasn’t like he could see it just by going there. He couldn’t just wait around doing nothing, right?

”Zhang Long! What are you up to?”

Spotting his peer Zhang Long under a large tree outside the village, Zhang Yun stepped forward to greet him.

”Going to check on the fish.” Zhang Long glanced at him and suddenly smiled eerily. ”Dare to go on an adventure?”

”An adventure? Are we kids?” Zhang Yun laughed. He even dared to sleep alone in the mountain valley at night; what did he have to be afraid of?

Zhang Long threw an arm around his shoulder and whispered, ”They say Old Tomb Ridge is haunted at midnight. Dare to go take a look?”

”Haunted, my ass! You have to believe in science. All hauntings are just people playing tricks.” Zhang Yun sneered. ”In the village, on the road, or in a temple, you could say people play tricks just to scare others for fun. But Old Tomb Ridge is entirely a graveyard. No one even goes there during the day. Why would anyone go there in the dead of night to play tricks?”

Zhang Yun looked at him suspiciously. ”Then how do you know about it?”

Zhang Long laughed immediately. ”It’s Bao Sheng! He lost a bet while drinking last night, so everyone made him go to Old Tomb Ridge and take a selfie as proof. In the end, he ran into a ghost and came back scared shitless. Naturally, none of us believed him.”

”And so?”

”Today we found out Bao Sheng was so scared he didn’t sleep a wink all night! We were the ones who egged him on, so today we plan to take him there to prove it was nothing.”

Zhang Yun finally understood that they wanted to help Bao Sheng overcome his psychological trauma. He thought for a moment. There might not be a good show to watch in the cornfield anyway, and since he had nothing better to do, he might as well go with them to Old Tomb Ridge to join the fun.

He wondered, ”Could it be that Zhang Youcai changed locations? Following his romp in the cornfield, is Uncle Cai now going for a... graveyard quickie?”

With that thought, Zhang Yun’s interest greatly increased. ”Alright! I’ll go protect you guys!”

”Heh heh, don’t blame me if you’re too scared to guard the fish in the mountain valley by yourself after this!”