Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game!

Carrying his steaming cup of hot water, Felix Vance strolled through the courtyard outside the Alchemy Pavilion.

The cool mountain breeze felt refreshing against his face.

Behind him, the entire Alchemy Pavilion remained frozen in thick sheets of white frost, but Felix had already forgotten all about it. He had achieved his primary objective: obtaining boiling water with zero physical labor.

Now, a new problem arose.

His stomach let out a long, hollow rumble.

”Man,” Felix muttered, touching his belly. ”Hot water is fine, but it doesn’t do anything for an empty hunger bar.”

He stopped beside a quiet stone arbor surrounded by weeping bamboo.

In the center of the arbor sat an old stone bench. Felix set his teacup down and tapped into his AetherDeck storage inventory.

A bright blue icon glowed inside his digital storage grid:

【Item: Instant Celestial Ramen (Spicy Braised Dragon-Bone Flavor)】 【Tier: God-Tier Rations / Junk Snack Grade】 【Description: Dehydrated noodles steeped in the essence of nine-heaven chili oil and primordial marrow broth. Satiates biological hunger instantly.】 【Inspector Note: Junk food from the heavens. High in sodium, zero nutritional value according to imperial physicians, but delicious when consumed while AFK.】

”Instant noodles,” Felix said, his eyes lighting up. ”Now we’re talking. Fast, easy, and zero dishes.”

Felix reached into his pocket and pulled out an old, cracked ceramic bowl he had grabbed from his cottage cupboard earlier.

The glaze on the rim was chipped in three places, and a hairline fracture ran down the side. It was the kind of beat-up bowl most people used to feed stray cats.

Felix tore open the red paper packet.

He dropped the dried block of wavy noodles into the bowl, sprinkled the dark crimson spice powder over the top, and uncapped his Mythic Nine-Dragon Teapot.

He poured the bubbling boiling water directly over the dried noodles.

A rich, mouthwatering aroma of roasted garlic, scallions, and fiery chili oil instantly billowed into the air.

Felix broke a pair of wooden chopsticks apart with a crisp snap.

He placed a flat stone over the bowl to trap the steam, leaned back against the stone bench, and counted down three minutes in his head.

When time was up, he tossed the stone aside and dug in.

Slurrrr-slurp!

The noodles were firm, chewy, and coated in glistening crimson oil. The spicy broth packed a fiery, peppery punch that warmed him from his tongue all the way down to his stomach.

Deep in his solar plexus, his 1.0-Earth-Mass stellar core pulsed with pleasant, rhythmic contentment, absorbing the fiery calories without breaking a sweat.

”Outstanding,” Felix whispered, slurping down another huge mouthful. ”Artificial seasonings are humanity’s greatest achievement. Real cooking is an absolute waste of time.”

Within two minutes, every single noodle was gone.

Only about an inch of dark, fiery red broth remained at the bottom of the cracked ceramic bowl. Drops of spicy red oil floated on the surface, along with a few bits of dehydrated scallion flakes.

Felix stared down at the leftover soup.

”Too much sodium,” Felix grumbled, shaking his head. ”If I chug all that grease, I’ll be bloated for the rest of the evening. That’s a debuff I don’t need.”

He set the bowl down on the stone bench.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his loose hemp sleeve, picked up his Mythic Nine-Dragon Teapot, and stretched his arms toward the sky.

”Time to head back to Solitude Spire,” Felix muttered, yawning. ”Gotta check if Barnaby tried to spit out his rubber stopper again.”

Without looking back, Felix shuffled away down the stone path, completely unbothered by the dirty dish he had left behind in the courtyard.

* * *

Ten minutes later, the courtyard gate flew open with a resounding crash.

Grand Chancellor Alistair, dressed in majestic purple-and-gold robes, rushed into the courtyard with four senior elders flanking him.

Beside him jogged Arch-Inquisitor Valen, his face pale with urgency.

Right behind them was Chief Rune Master Oakhaven, who was still clutching Felix’s examination paper to his chest like a holy scripture, his bare feet caked in dirt.

Grandmaster Ignis, with his red beard still coated in white frost, pointed a trembling finger toward the bamboo grove.

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”He went that way, Chancellor!” Ignis wheezed, his teeth clicking together. ”The Void Sovereign walked toward the eastern arbor after freezing my entire department!”

Alistair raised a hand, signaling for silence.

The Grand Chancellor’s face was gaunt, his skin bearing a faint, sickly grayish tint. Deep beneath his purple robes, his heart trembled with continuous, agonizing cold for two hundred years, Alistair had suffered from the dread Nine-Abyss Frost Poison.

Ever since a vicious battle against a Frost Demon in the northern frozen tundra, the demonic ice poison had clung to his heart meridians like parasitic leeches.

It had permanently stalled his cultivation at the Peak of the Nascent Soul realm. Every midnight, bone-chilling agony tore through his chest, threatening to freeze his blood into solid ice.

Imperial physicians had declared it incurable. Only a legendary Divine Dragon Flame Pill could purge it, a treasure that had not existed in the mortal realm for ten thousand years.

”Be on guard,” Alistair commanded softly, scanning the quiet bamboo grove. ”If a primordial entity truly walks these grounds, we must show absolute humility. A single misplaced word could bring ruin upon—”

Alistair stopped mid-sentence.

His nostrils flared.

A sharp, intoxicating fragrance drifted through the bamboo stalks, cutting through the crisp mountain air like a flaming sword.

It smelled of roasted celestial dragon marrow, primeval herbs, and a burning, transcendent fire that made the blood in Alistair’s veins sing with violent hunger!

”What is that scent?” Arch-Inquisitor Valen gasped, sniffing the air with wide eyes. ”It... it smells like the core of an active volcano wrapped in roasted ambrosia!”

Alistair followed the scent, his boots moving faster and faster until he broke into a brisk jog.

He entered the stone arbor.

There, resting in the center of the weathered stone bench, sat the cracked ceramic bowl.

Inside the bowl, an inch of dark crimson broth simmered quietly in the sunlight.

Alistair froze, his jaw dropping slack.

To mortal eyes, it was leftover spicy noodle soup.

To Alistair’s peak spiritual vision, the bowl was a churning cauldron of primordial cosmic fire!

Miniature crimson dragons formed from pure True Yang chili oil were swimming through the broth, roaring soundlessly as they clashed with solar essence!

Tiny golden sun-flares flickered within the swirling fat droplets, radiating an aura of pure, unadulterated vitality that made the surrounding bamboo stalks instantly sprout fresh green shoots!

”Great Heavens...” Oakhaven whispered, dropping to his knees. ”The Sacred Nectar of the Sun God!”

”Look at the vessel!” Valen shuddered, pointing a trembling finger at the cracked rim. ”A weathered earthen bowl of Supreme Wabi-Sabi! Cracks formed from the weight of endless cosmic cycles! Only a being who has transcended all mortal vanity could bear to pour such divine essence into humble clay!”

Alistair stepped forward, his heart hammering against his ribs.

The moment he came within three feet of the bowl, the agonizing Nine-Abyss Frost Poison in his chest retreated three inches in sheer, whimpering terror!

Alistair’s eyes widened with manic realization.

”The Frost Poison...” Alistair choked out, clutching his chest. ”It... it is afraid! For two centuries, nothing could touch the frost demon in my heart! But this holy broth... its ambient heat alone is melting the poison’s outer shell!”

”Chancellor!” Valen yelled in panic. ”Do not touch it! It was left behind by the Sovereign! To consume the leftover meal of a god is the height of blasphemy!”

”If I do not drink this, I will die of the frost within three years anyway!” Alistair roared, his eyes bloodshot with desperate resolve. ”If the Sovereign wishes to strike me down for my greed, I will die with a warm belly!”

Alistair lunged forward and grabbed the cracked bowl with both hands.

He didn’t hesitate. He brought the bowl to his lips, tilted his head back, and drained every last drop of the spicy crimson broth into his throat!

Gulp. Gulp. AHHHH.

For two seconds, total silence enveloped the arbor.

Then, Alistair’s eyes snapped wide open, glowing with blinding scarlet light!

BOOM!

A pillar of pure thermonuclear heat erupted inside Alistair’s stomach!

The spicy dragon-bone broth raced through his digestive tract like a tidal wave of molten lava, flooding straight into his frozen meridians!

Inside his heart, the two-hundred-year-old Nine-Abyss Frost Poison let out a soundless, shrieking death wail.

HSSSSSSSS!

Thick clouds of foul, black demonic steam blasted out from Alistair’s nostrils and ears, sizzling against the stone ceiling of the arbor!

The ice clinging to his organs dissolved into nothingness!

Every blocked meridian conduit in his body was blasted wide open by the overwhelming surge of heavenly spicy heat!

”IT BURNS!” Alistair roared to the sky, tearing open his robes. ”THE HEAVENLY FIRE PURGES ALL FILTH!”

The two-hundred-year-old bottleneck holding back his cultivation shattered like a pane of glass!

CRACK-THOOM!

A colossal pillar of purple-and-gold Saint Qi detonated from Alistair’s body, shooting straight into the stratosphere and blowing away every cloud within a hundred miles!

The sky turned brilliant violet.

A magnificent golden dragon phantom three miles long coiled around the peaks of the Radiant Dawn Academy, roaring with celestial majesty that rattled the teeth of every cultivator on the mountain!

Alistair floated up into the air, suspended by pure Saint Realm authority.

His gray, brittle hair turned lustrous raven-black. The deep wrinkles on his face smoothed away into youthful vigor. His sunken eyes shone with the radiant clarity of polished obsidian!

He had crossed the threshold.

The Saint Realm! A realm that had not been achieved in the Dominion of Aethelgard for eight hundred years!

The elders in the courtyard threw themselves face-down onto the stone floor, weeping in holy ecstasy.

”A Saint!” Ignis wailed, banging his head against the ground. ”Our Grand Chancellor has ascended to the Saint Realm!”

”The Ancestor has blessed us!” Valen sobbed.

Alistair slowly descended from the sky, his feet touching the stone floor with absolute, weightless grace.

In his hands, he held the cracked, empty ceramic bowl.

He looked down into the greasy red residue at the bottom, tears streaming freely down his rejuvenated face.

”He knew...” Alistair whispered, his voice trembling with profound, boundless gratitude. ”The Sovereign dweller of Solitude Spire... he knew of my two centuries of silent agony. He came to the Alchemy Pavilion, feigned a simple craving for tea, and left behind this bowl of divine elixir precisely where I would find it.”

Alistair hugged the greasy, cracked bowl against his chest like the most priceless treasure in the universe.

”He saved my life,” Alistair declared, bowing deeply toward the direction of Solitude Spire. ”He granted me the Saint Dao, and he asked for nothing in return. Such boundless benevolence... such peerless majesty!”

* * *

Three miles away, on Solitude Spire.

Felix was lying on his side in bed, his eyes half-closed as he prepared to drift off.

Suddenly, an ear-splitting dragon roar shook the cottage walls, followed by the distant rumble of thunder.

ROAAARRRR-RUMBLE!

Felix scowled, grabbing his pillow and jamming it over his left ear.

”Ugh,” Felix grunted in annoyance. ”Another world boss spawn? Why do developers always schedule server-wide raid announcements right when I’m trying to take a nap?”

He pulled his wool blanket up over his head.

”Turn down the global audio settings, you noisy clowns,” Felix grumbled.

Within thirty seconds, he was snoring peacefully.