Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game!

The morning sun had already climbed past the highest cloud-peaks when Felix Vance finally rolled out of bed.

It was nearly eleven o’clock.

The birds in the cedar eaves had finished their morning songs, and the bedroom was warm and quiet.

Felix sat on his cot. He scratched his ribs and squinted against the bright daylight.

Up on the ceiling rafter, Barnaby was vibrating so hard that brass screws rattled in his talons.

The clockwork owl had spent the entire night with an oak bottle cork jammed into its beak. Its amber mechanical eyes glowed with pure, concentrated indignation.

Felix reached up and popped the cork free.

Pop.

Barnaby’s beak snapped open instantly.

”Slothful lump!” Barnaby screeched in an outraged falsetto.

”The morning bell of the Seven Spires rang four hours ago! The industrious disciple absorbs the solar essence at dawn, while you wallow in bedsheets like a fattened sow!”

Felix didn’t even blink.

He held the oak cork between two fingers, lining it up with Barnaby’s open beak.

Barnaby’s screech cut off instantly.

The brass owl froze, its wings snapping shut against its mechanical flanks. It gave a stiff, polite bob of its brass head.

”Ahem,” Barnaby chirped in a calm indoor voice. ”Good morning, honored disciple. I trust your slumber was adequate.”

”Much better,” Felix said, tossing the cork onto his bedside table. ”Keep that attitude, Barnaby, or you’re spending the winter as a paperweight.”

He slid his feet into his straw slippers and shuffled out to the kitchen.

* * *

In the main room, a bowl of hot millet porridge was waiting on the pine table.

Beside the bowl was a small dish of pickled greens and a clean wooden spoon.

Lyra Ashford stood by the open door, dressed in her tidy gray apprentice tunic. Her silver rapier was strapped cleanly to her hip.

When Felix walked in, she bowed at a crisp, ninety-degree angle.

”Good morning, Senior Brother,” Lyra said with deep reverence. ”I have swept the porch and prepared your morning meal.”

Felix blinked at the bowl of porridge.

”You made breakfast?” Felix asked.

”It is the least your junior sister can do,” Lyra replied, keeping her gaze respectfully lowered to his slippers.

Her heart pounded. She remembered last night. Felix stood in pajamas, holding water, and swatted six shadow assassins with that straw shoe.

”Well, thanks,” Felix said, pulling out a chair. ”Free food is always appreciated. Saves me three minutes of cooking.”

He sat down and scooped a spoonful of warm porridge into his mouth. It was savory, smooth, and perfectly salted.

”Not bad at all,” Felix nodded. ”Solid plus-five health regen.”

Lyra’s eyes lit up with pride, though she dared not show it on her solemn face.

The Divine Sovereign has accepted my humble offering! she thought with quiet joy.* **

Felix finished the bowl in four minutes flat, pushed it aside, and reached into his robe pocket.

He pulled out the cracked obsidian slate of the AetherDeck.

The moment his thumb touched the center groove, the amber screen lit up with crisp retro pixels:

[AETHERDECK OS: CURRENCY OVERVIEW]

User: Felix Vance | Class: Stellar Slacker (Level 10)

Core Status: Dense Planetary Rocky Core (1.00 Earth Mass)

Idle Energy Balance: 14,350,000 Cosmic Watts

Astral Gacha Crystals: 1,000 / 1,000 [FULL 10x SUMMON READY]

Available Banners:

[1]

• Cost: 100 Crystals per pull / 1,000 for 10x Pull

• Guaranteed 1x Rare or higher per 10-pull

• Drop Rates: Common 90%, Rare 9%, Mythic 0.01%

[PULL 1x (100)] [PULL 10x (1,000)]

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Felix leaned back in his chair, staring at the screen with cynical eyes.

”Zero point zero one percent for a Mythic,” Felix scoffed. ”Classic mobile game robbery. The developers have no shame.”

Every gamer knew the bitter pain of the gacha banner.

You hoard premium gems for weeks. Then the system dumps nine duplicate swords and salted peanuts into your bag.

”Still,” Felix muttered, his fingers itching. ”It’s a guaranteed ten-pull. And I got the crystals for free just by shooing six raccoons out of the yard.”

He set his mug down and cracked his knuckles.

Felix tapped the screen three times with his index finger.

”Come on,” Felix whispered. ”No useless junk. Give me something useful. An automatic broom, a dishwasher—anything that saves me manual labor.”

He pressed down firmly on the glowing button: [PULL 10x (1,000)].

* * *

The AetherDeck gave a violent shudder.* VZZZZZZZZZZT.*

A digital siren echoed from the obsidian glass, followed by a blinding flash of rainbow light.

High above the floating archipelago, the morning sky broke in half.

CRACK-BOOOOOOOOOOM!

A colossal vortex spun into existence directly above Solitude Spire.

The clouds formed a spiraling golden whirlpool churning with celestial lightning. The air grew heavy with the scent of ozone and burning sandalwood.

Three miles away, inside the Radiant Dawn Academy, chaos erupted.

In the Third Spire’s Astral Observatory, Grand Diviners dropped their brass astrolabes onto the marble floor.

”The heavens!” the Chief Astrologer shrieked, clutching his temples. ”A Divine Heavenly Bestowal is descending upon the mortal realm!”

On the Solar Peak, the Grand Chancellor rushed to the balcony, azure robes whipping wildly.

”Which constellation is it?!” the Chancellor roared. ”Who has summoned the favor of the Astral Gods?!”

A junior elder pointed a trembling finger toward the west.

”Chancellor... it is striking the Seventh Spire! The Junk Heap!”

Before anyone could reply, the celestial vortex detonated.

THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!

A solid pillar of golden light, sixty feet wide and bright as a falling sun, slammed down from the heavens.

It pierced the cloud sea with surgical precision, bathing Solitude Spire in an incandescent halo that lit up three kingdoms.

* * *

On the porch, Lyra collapsed to her knees.

The divine pressure pinned her to the deck, her rapier rattling against the floorboards.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she shielded her eyes against the radiance.

A Pillar of Heavenly Selection... Lyra whispered, her voice choking.

Senior Brother did not simply draw upon local ley lines.

He reached into the Primordial Astral Sea and demanded tribute from the Heavenly Dao itself!

The golden light flared one final time and snapped out of existence.

The thunder faded. The clouds drifted back to their peaceful morning paths.

Sitting squarely on the front porch boards, surrounded by curling white smoke, was a small, weathered wooden crate.

* * *

Inside the kitchen, Felix blinked against the glare.

”Man,” Felix complained, rubbing his watering eyes. ”Can’t even skip the summon animation? My eyes are gonna hurt all day.”

He picked up his empty mug and stepped out onto the porch.

Lyra was still prostrated on the floorboards, trembling like a leaf.

Felix looked down at her with mild confusion.

”You okay, Lyra?” Felix asked. ”Did you trip?”

Lyra slowly raised her head, eyes brimming with terror.

”S-Senior Brother...” Lyra croaked, pointing a shaking hand.

”The... the Heavenly Dao... it has delivered its judgment...”

”Oh, the package arrived,” Felix said casually. ”Nice. Instant delivery is about the only thing this game does right.”

Felix walked over to the wooden crate and pried the lid open with his fingers.

A soft glow escaped from the interior, accompanied by digital fanfare: Ta-daaa-ding!

Felix reached inside and began pulling out the loot.

First item: an eight-inch iron nail covered in thick orange rust.

Felix frowned.

Second item: another rusted iron nail.

Third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth items: seven more identical, crusty, rusted iron nails.

Felix stared at the pile of nine rusty nails sitting on the porch with deep disgust.

His golden Inspector HUD popped up over the pile:

【Item: Rusty Nail of the Abyssal Coffin (x9)】 【Grade: Primordial Cursed Metal (Class: Cosmic Scrap)】 【Source: Extracted from the coffin lid of an ancient Void Demon King.】 【Inspector Note: Radiates faint demonic necrosis. Totally useless for construction because the heads are crooked. Can be used to hang wet laundry or sold to the junk vendor for 1 copper coin per dozen.】

Felix kicked the pile of nails with his slipper.

”Nine rusty nails,” Felix said, his voice flat. ”Nine. Out of ten pulls. Ninety percent absolute vendor trash.”

He looked up at the sky in disgust.

”I knew it!” Felix grumbled.

”Rigged drop rates! The developers should be dragged into the street! What am I supposed to do with nine rusty nails? Hang up my socks?!”

Beside him, Lyra stared at the nine nails on the porch with wide eyes.

To her magic vision, each nail radiated demonic power. They were relics capable of sealing ancient patriarchs forever.

Nine Corpse-Sealing God Nails... Lyra thought, her soul shivering. Senior Brother summoned nine execution implements of the underworld... and called them vendor trash?!

* * *

Felix sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

”Well,” Felix muttered, reaching into the bottom of the crate. ”Let’s see what the guaranteed pity pull gave me.”

His fingers closed around something cool, smooth, and unexpectedly heavy.

He lifted it out of the straw packing.

It was an exquisite, pearlescent ceramic teapot.

The porcelain body was pale jade, carved with dragon scales that rippled like living water. The handle was carved from a single piece of ancient, polished white bone.

Felix held it up to the morning sun.

Instantly, the golden Inspector HUD flared with brilliant purple borders:

【Item: Primordial Dragon-Bone Teapot】 【Translated Designation: ”Gacha Jade Teapot v1.0”】 【Grade: Mythic Sovereign Relic (Class: World-Suppressor)】 【Origin: Carved from the skull of the Primordial Void Leviathan by the First Emperor.】 【Special Feature: Gacha jade teapot keeping water at exact brewing temperature forever. Boils water instantaneously to exactly 95°C without fire, charcoal, or mana.】 【Passive Effect: Radiates an absolute Mana Suppression Field that renders all offensive spells inert within a fifty-mile radius when lid is open.】 【Inspector Note: A peerless cosmic treasure capable of subduing entire mortal realms. Has a slight manufacturing flaw near the spout that causes a single drop of liquid to dribble down the ceramic exterior when poured at an angle. Vendor value: 2 copper coins.】

Felix read through the text box, his scowl slowly melting into a broad, delighted grin.

He didn’t care about dragon bones or fifty-mile mana suppression fields.

All his brain registered was: Boils water instantaneously without fire or charcoal.

”Wait a second,” Felix whispered, eyes shining. ”A self-heating teapot? I don’t have to haul dry pine branches from the woods? No sitting by the hearth blowing on wet tinder for fifteen minutes every morning?”

He pressed a small, thumb-sized circular rune on the base of the bone handle.

A tiny, satisfying click echoed.

Click.

The inside of the teapot immediately radiated a cozy warmth.

Felix let out a joyous laugh.

”A self-heating kettle!” Felix declared, clutching the teapot to his chest.

”An instant tea button! Okay, the devs are forgiven. One good quality-of-life item makes up for nine rusty nails any day!”

He turned back toward the kitchen door with a brisk bounce in his step.

”I’m making jasmine tea right now,” Felix announced happily. ”No firewood needed! Automated civilization has finally arrived on the Seventh Spire!”

He vanished into the cottage, leaving Lyra Ashford kneeling on the porch.

Lyra looked at the nine Corpse Nails. Then she looked toward the kitchen door. The dragon-bone relic was being filled with cold tap water.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

He summoned the supreme artifact of the First Emperor... Lyra whispered to the empty morning air.* Just so he wouldn’t have to chop firewood for his tea.*